A
male
age
36-40,
*tudentForLife
writes:Hello all,Allright guys. Amidst all the serious questions on relationships, dating, marriage, break-ups etc, I thought of giving you guys a breather. This is a sort of trivial question, but am sure it can make for a casual chat topic.I am a 24 year old guy. Recently at my workplace, I was sitting with my legs crossed (one knee over the other knee) and a woman co-worker saw this and said - "That is a very feminine thing to do. Only women sit with their legs crossed with one knee over the other knee". I was taken aback. I've never thought of this before and I've been sitting in this manner for many years. And then other male co-workers who were at the scene started joking about this. They sort of ganged up against me and said that only gays sit this way. I was amazed how people could link a sitting posture with one's sexual orientation. Another dude said - "If you sit with one knee over the other, don't your male "hardware" get squished?" I also joked about this with them for a while and then forgot about it.Now my question to men and women here:1. For a man, is sitting with one ankle over the other knee better (read - more "masculine") than sitting with one knee over the other?2. Women - Do you consider a guy sitting with one knee over the other gay? Do you consider him feminine? Or do you find it a sign of confidence and composure?3. Men - what are your views on this whole issue?I also understand that sitting etiquette varies among different cultures, different countries and even depends upon the nature of the occasion. So anyone from a different culture can also give their perspective on this.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 May 2011):
 1. Sitting with one ankle on the knee, leaving your lower leg parallel to the ground, is only a slight improvement on the knees crossed posture. If you're looking for a more masculine sitting position, use anything that takes up more space - legs extended, or bent but spread out a bit. Arms out a bit, if practical. Back has to be straight, regardless. Or you can just do what's comfortable, find your own compromise.
2. Not a chick.
3. Honestly? Body language matters. 90% of what we communicate is in voice tone or body language. It's not just some trivial thing. You don't want weak, effeminate, or passive posture any more than you want aggressive, hostile posture. It's instinct. If you lean forward with your fists balled up and step into someone's space, you'll trigger fighting instincts. If you use posture reminiscent of a woman, you'll appear weak and submissive, which will trigger its own reaction.
In a perfect world, people would understand our intentions and actual body language or tone would not affect that. In a perfect world, people would treat others with the respect they deserve, rather than the respect they work for. But you have to work with how things are.
I doubt the men calling you gay really mean they literally think you are a homosexual, closeted or not. Or the woman who pointed it out, for that matter. They're responding to a display of effeminacy with a display of aggressive masculinity. Take it in stride, laugh it off, and give it back as good as you're getting it, and it'll be fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I think sitting with your legs crossed does appear very feminine but without seeing how you behaved in other ways I would not base your sexuality on this. Although I am more attracted to very masculine guys and would notice that you were sitting like this and would therefore not find you as attractive. But that's just me I prefer my men to be very manly and do not find feminine traits attractive at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): I've never noticed it like that.... I wouldn't say a sitting position equates someone's sexual orientation... It depends entirely on other ways the person acts I guess from what I've noticed.
I know lots of men who just sit like however, and none of my gay friends sit like that... Haha so I guess in my case that doesn't work at all!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 No, it's not a sign of homosexuality or even of a feminine
personality.
But, at least in Western body language, it's all but a sign of confidence and composure. In a man, anything that covers and blocks "access" to his pubic area betrays lack of self confidence,tension and a defensive attitude.
When he is relaxed a man tends to sit with feet parallel on the ground and knees slightly divaricated. Very divaricated knees- he is on the prowl, and chances are that ,even if he is at an economists covention, it's not economy he's thinking about.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Well masculine and feminine are totally socially constructed, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Typically yes, crossed like that is a "feminine" way to sit. The "masculine" way to sit is ankle over knee (open legs) or legs spread with feet parallel on the floor. Typically the masculine way to sit or stand is to try to take up as much room as possible, to sprawl whereas the feminine way to sit is to take up as little room at possible.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 May 2011):
 As a much older male, I can affirm that yes, to some degree, the sitting position you first described is considered somewhat more feminine. Alas, as a decidedly masculine type, I nevertheless sometimes sit knee-over-knee for at least brief periods of time, even in public. Sometimes, it is simply more comfortable.
Usually, I correct the position if in public or around friends or coworkers, remembering this old perception. So generally, I think the more macho way to sit is the more open ankle-over-knee, or legs open, thereby no squishing (lol), but I totally disagree that the knee-over-knee leg position necessarily indicates homosexuality. It just appears more feminine and possibly should be avoided publicly, due to the perception of others. Interesting question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): 1. sitting with one ankle over the knee in today's society is viewed more masculine
2.I honestly don't think it makes him any less of a man
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A
female
reader, Miss.Me +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Yes, interesting question :)
I do feel that for a guy sitting with legs crossed is a bit feminine, but I wouldn't think he's gay just because of that. I've seen quite masculine men cross their legs before, and it didn't take away from their masculinity.
I have seen it more in the Middle Eastern countries than in the US, but maybe that's because of the difference in the way guys are raised between these two places.
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