A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm probably going to get a lot of flak for asking this question but I'll go ahead anyway.I've been married for 3 years to a wonderful man. He's kind, respectful of me, a great husband and a wonderful father to our daughter. She is our world and we dote on her every move. All in all, it's as close to perfect so I have no complaints as such.However, just out of curiosity, I'm asking the following question.My husband has a younger brother who's married. While I do not have much interaction with his wife, she is not someone I get along with even in the brief bursts of time that I've spent with them. I'm a very matter of fact person and I feel that she's very conniving even in the smallest of things. Basically you don't know where you stand with her. She'll be good to you in front of you and say nasty things behind your back for no reason. They were recently with us for a short holiday. Their son is a year older than my daughter. From what I saw, the boy is not really well cared for. His clothes are not clean, he's painfully thin, aggressive and doesn't seem to have the verbal developments of a 3 year old. I genuinely feel bad for him. His parents, on the other hand, can't seem to get enough of each other. They leave the child to his devices, they don't care what he's doing, my brother-in-law is constantly running in circles around his overweight wife who does nothing but sit with her legs up on the chair. They constantly post pictures on social media where they're draped around each other and the child is nowhere in sight! I really don't understand their relationship and while I understand that it's absolutely none of my business, I'm just curious.What is it about women like this, who are seemingly very ordinary, both in looks and nature, that still have their husbands in rapt attention? Do they offer mind-blowing sex? What do their husbands see in them that they can't seem to get enough of them?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): Oh my goodness , almost three years old and not toilet trained . You should call the media mrs super Mum . How many children did you say you have ?
As a mother of four and a qualified Rachel Di can assure you that the rate that children are toilet trained varies and is no reflection on the quality of the parenting . Additionally , some later to train children even grow up to become productive members of society , even out earning and being better looking that's earlier potty trained children
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): I honestly feel that you have quite the competitive edge. Why would you compare and even degrade their way of showing their love for each other. Some choose to display love and affection and some choose to keep that intimacy for the bedroom only. There is no right or wrong. Why would you think that they chose to have a baby once you got engaged? Do you think so highly of yourself that they schedule their lives around you? I highly doubt they would! Also, different parents have different ways to raise their children. I can say that they may think you're trying too hard to be prim and proper. Because some people actually feel that you shouldn't keep your child too clean so they can be immune to dirt and bacteria. I was surprised when I heard this theory from my hairdresser too... but end of the day, it shows that there is nobright or wrong in parenting techniques. Just because they don't do it your way, doesn't make them wrong.I'm sorry to say, but you sound like the sister in law that I hope I never have. You are judgemental and competitive. Luckily, and I truly feel blessed, my sister brother and parent in laws are all very supportive of each other. We all have our differences but we never judge or point fingers, we're there to give our support and we get along so well! OP, these are your family members, why go against them instead of accepting their faults and appreciate their qualities? You want to see the best in them, and if they do have short coming, support and encourage them! Try to live in harmony, life would be so much happier!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): Children thrive on seeing their parents In Happy relationships . Whilst you see the child as deprived ,
Perhaps she sees she's giving him one of the best gifts a parent can give ... the example of a loving adult relationship with his father
These are things children take into their adult lives and form the basis of the relationships they will later form when they themselves are adults
Perhaps try being a little less judgemental of other women especially in the way you think their looks and bodies should form such a big part in what makes them a desirable and good partners . Women are already under so much scutiny in that way without their own gender doing that to them!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): I am the OP.
This is very interesting; thank you all for taking the time to answer.
To set some points straight: I absolutely DO love my husband and there's no dearth of love from his side as well! I just didn't think it was necessary to caption the obvious because this post isn't about me, it's about a general thought that I have regarding women that I've seen and it was a specific question regarding people in my own family because it was very clearly in front of my eyes.
There is absolutely no sense of envy...I believe in conducting oneself with dignity and so does my husband. Just because we are intimate in the bedroom doesn't mean that it has to translate elsewhere.
WiseOwle, I think as always you've hit the nail on the head! I don't know how you manage to read between the lines! I will not deny that childcare, grooming and appearance are very high on my list of priorities. And my husband's as well.
Uncle WiseOwle you are also right when you say that their child was born in competition. They have been married for almost 7 years and my husband and I for 3. My husband and I had a whirlwind romance and it took everyone in their family by surprise. It was slightly amusing to me that they chose to get pregnant right after we announced our engagement and sister-in-law didn't even come for the wedding claiming she couldn't travel because of the pregnancy.
Anyway, I guess I know now. It does however really bother me that a child is uncared for and an almost 3 year old is still not toilet trained. I guess the hyper mom in me takes over!
Thank you all for your time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2018): So think overweight women can't be attractive ? You think appearance is what makes a woman attractive Lol
Perhaps she's not judgemental
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 October 2018):
 I wonder if this is largely your perception, rather than the truth that you don't see.
You're so wrapped up in her relationship that you don't mention anything about love in your own.
As long as their child is not starved, constantly sick or clearly neglected, it's possible it just seems like lazy parenting, rather than what they do with their child behind closed doors.
Focus on YOUR relationship and reconsider forming such strong opinions of others based so much on appearance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2018): [EDIT]
Correction:
"Your post just substantiates the fact that a man can adore a woman; in spite of her appearance and physical imperfections."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2018): There are relationships where people just feel it's us against the world. He sees things in her that he can't find in other women. They cling to each other, because they were cut-out for each other; and her looks aren't what connects them. It's what's beneath the surface they share, that one compliments the other. As the old adage goes: "Spirit knows spirit!"
They have their own version of what you and your husband have, loyalty and devotion. Maybe not all the more visibly responsible or attractive attributes.
Your post just substantiates the fact that a man can adore a women; in spite of her appearance and physical imperfections.
There are less obvious qualities or traits she possesses that he likes. Some men do like curvier/stockier women. She's got what he can't find in other women. There can be a host of things they share in-common, that the rest of us may not see. Yes, the sex could be dynamite as well. She's his ride or die, and partner in crime. Her boundless loyalty is attractive to him. Can she cook? What a woman can do for a man's stomach competes with what she can do in bed!
It is quite unsettling that you mentioned that their toddler isn't part of their closed-circle of affection. I can't stand stories of neglected children, or mistreated elderly-people. Children are innocent and helpless; and being a mother, it must kill you to see that little boy so poorly cared for.
Unfortunately, some people are good at breeding children; but lousy at parenting. Being a woman, just bear in-mind; she is aware of how you study and scrutinize them. Women see though each other; and your emotion shows in your face, when you see that pitiful little boy. So that would only stir-up her venom; because you're her opposite. She assumes you and your husband think you're better, thus the bad-mouthing and scheming behind your backs. It's her defense-mechanism. She's cognizant of her weaknesses and shortcomings. Yours too!
Childcare, grooming, and appearance are very high on your list of priorities. You and your husband basically have a whole different set of values. It is likely the child is an incidental or unplanned birth. That, or he was created for the benefit of his grandparents. That's where they had to be competitive; for the fact they had to produce a grandchild. It happens to be a boy, for the family-name's sake; so it sets them in good-graces with grandparents on both sides. In spite of their less than spectacular parenting-skills.
Try to keep a poker-face when around them. Minimize conflict and tension. She knows you're watching. Keep the peace for the sake of the menfolk; who happen to be brothers.
If the child starts to show emotional-distress and health-issues; it's up to your husband to say something. You should stay out of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2018): I will be honest here and agree I have seen this and I am stumped as to why such women get the attention they get and not just by their husbands but by lovers or potential ones.
I think you answered the question yourself inadvertently, she puts her husband before her child and he knows that. Just as women who have children already but are looking for their next boyfriend after a long string of them, they will be more successful if they put the man first.
I was on my own years with my child, never actively sought out a man yet a very plain woman in the same situation as me went out of her way to always be with a man and when she has one you can bet your bottom dollar lip they come first and they know it.
But like anything it is not set on stone all men will flock to these kind of women, but of course some will because she puts him before her child, she makes him the centre of attention, she fits his needs in doing that. I am not entirely sure you ask just out of curiosity though, there does seem to be a little bit of envy that she does have him lapping up her presence, is your husband lacking the affection you would like? I might be wrong there but ask yourself in all honesty if you are truly happy with all you have in your own relationship. I am not envious of the woman I know, I am miffed that men do not see her for what she is when I see very decent women not receiving the attention but I put it down to her knowing exactly how to twist a man around her finger (at least for a little while) and by putting them before her children.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (1 October 2018):
 Isn't it funny that often it is not the things people say (or write) but the things they OMIT which draw your attention?
For instance, I find it striking that, despite your glowing report of your marriage, you never mention that you love your husband or that he loves you, and you conclude with stating you have no complaints "as such". That does make me wonder what is REALLY going on and why you felt you had to put that out there?
Is it possible that you are secretly just a little envious of the attention your sister-in-law receives from her husband, despite being (in your opinion) lazy, overweight and a bad mother? I am not saying you want this attention from HER husband but, perhaps, you wish your own husband would fawn over you a bit more the way your BIL does over his wife? It's all very well being at the receiving end of "respect" in your marriage, but sometimes something a little "more" would surely be nice?
Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors in other people's relationships. Perhaps your BIL adores his wife so much that he puts her on a pedestal and runs around after her because he believes she is worth it. Just because she is overweight, or not the sort of mother you believe she should be, does not mean she is any the less worthy of his love than you are of YOUR husband's love. I wonder what she thinks of YOUR marriage?
I may be totally wrong here and, if I am, then please ignore what I say. I am, after all, a stranger who know nothing about you or your family. However, I do find myself wondering why, if your marriage is as wonderful as you state, you are so interested in your brother and sister-in-law's relationship. If you believe their child is really neglected, perhaps you should discuss the best way to help him with your husband. That aside, I would concentrate on your own happiness and let the others get on with theirs.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2018):
 I think CodeWarrior is right.
I don't think this is for all "plain" women though, it's combination of these two people.
As for what they post on Social Media - I'd like to point out that 90% of it is probably bullshit. Some people ACTUALLY think that if they post these "lovey dovey" pictures every around them will think they are blissfully happy. It's a FACADE. Some even believe in the carefully crafted image they present to others online, because THAT is what they want.
It's like ALL the women who think Kim Kardashian has the BESTEST body and life ever! When in REALITY her pictures are photoshopped and heavy modified with filters. Because pictures of her with cottage cheese ass and thighs doesn't "sell" whatever products/clothing she promotes. Her ONLINE persona and life is NOT reality, neither is her "reality show".
I feel sorry for that poor kid.
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