A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf over 2 years. We have off/on discussed future plans, including buying a home and marriage. We've both been married before (his divorce is not yet final); we have kids similar ages. I knew sometime ago that I was committed to him for the long haul, and felt any problems we might have would be worth working through together. He, however, seems to have had doubts lately - over last few months, he has broken it off twice, then reconsidered. Other day I asked him if he still has those inclinations. He said he does, and he doesn't know where that feeling is coming from. So I said, well why don't you take some time to try and figure it out, and told him let's not see eachother until my birthday (11/29). Is this a good idea? I'm going nuts, haven't called and miss him like crazy. I've had a gut feeling he's never gotten over his former wife leaving, and holds onto anger about that and the amount of time he misses with his kids. Do you think that could be what is holding him back? Please respond. Not sure I'm handling it the right way and am so afraid of losing him.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 Hi,
You are handling this fantastically. You have done the right thing, by giving him time to think about what he wants. Not many women or men would have the guts to do that.
You must understand, that he has been hurt deeply by his ex. And for some reason men seem to take this harder than women who are walked out on. I think its because as women, we are usually the ones left holding the baby, so we have to pull ourselves together quickly, no matter how much we are hurting. They are much more reluctant to trust again.
If I were in your position (and as brave as you), I would wait a week or so and then send a text or email. Very simple, something like (hope your OK, just to let you know that I am thinking of you XX)
That way you havent asked him to make a decision, but he still knows that you care, and are missing him. Its all a game honey.
Carry on being strong and positive, I am sure he will miss you.
XX
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