A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:After knowing each other plutonically for more than a year, my girlfriend and I have become intimately involved and have lived together now for a month and a half. Things are wonderful, but I was a bit taken aback when she suddenly asked me how many lovers I've had in my life. I'm concerned about the motive behind the question. Should I be? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): No, and be especially honest to her about your sexual past.
A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 wow that conversation has only just come up? My fiance and i both discussed past partners within the first few wks of our relationship. Its better to be honest. That way nothing can ever come back and bite you. If your number is seriously high and you're concerned she'd have an issue with it, just talk about the more serious relationships you've had, mention there may have been flings but they've long past your memory. But i do think being honest is best and see how she reacts. So long as you've been faithful with her she should be ok. I like to know my partners sexual past. Its part of who they are. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 The funny thing is I would think this would have come up BEFORE you moved in together. "I've had lovers in my past, of course. Why do you ask?"
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (24 August 2010):
 This is a common discussion between partners. Some people believe in the don't ask, don't tell theory. Personally, I like honesty. Not to make it sound like I think I'm better then other people.... but because finding out my partner's past gives me insight into the person that they are. I like to think that I'm mature enough to accept their past no matter what. Also, it shows what kind of a woman she is if she here's about my past and how she reacts (not that I have a crazy past) but if she freaks out over something small or gets crazy jealous... then I know she probably isn't the girl for me.
In my opinion two adults should be able to have mature conversation about each other's past without any issues.
I wouldn't think she's asking you with any specific motive, just for curiosity's sake... but I guess you never know. Some people are funny about that topic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Never ever ever tell her, no matter what, just as you would not want to know about her past. Tell her that she is the only one you loved and she is the first. Even if she does not completely believe it, it will not bother her to much unless you admit it. She is looking for an admission. My wife tried to pull the same thing on me. She actually found a letter from a past girlfriend I forgot to throw away from before I even met my wife. She asked me if I slept with her, and my answer was that she was some nut that was stalking me, and baby you are the only one. Even though my wife did not fully believe it, because i did not admit it, it never became an issue and went away. I hope that helps
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I'm a firm believer in Don't ask, Don't tell. I'd just tell her that you live in the present not in the past and let it go at that.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Don't ask, don't tell. There is really no motive behind it, women (I really don't know why) tend to ask about your previous sexual partners..if the number is too high for our likings then we start thinking am I dating a man whore? Then, the retroactive jealousy starts, but it's not really fair to judge you now on your past sexual experience. That was then this is now. Be honest and tell her the truth, let her do whatever she wants with the information. It's your past you can't go back and change it.
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A
female
reader, msvee +, writes (24 August 2010):
 First of all, I'm sorry, but it's platonically. Talking about exes is a sort of sensitive subject. She may just be curious or she's insecure. She probably wants to see if you have about the same number as her. Of course it's always easier to tell her that you feel uncomfortable talking about this if you really do but if she's the insecure type, then she'll wonder why you don't want to tell her about them. Depends on the type of girl she is!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Ask her why she thinks its important to know. She might just be asking out of curiosity...
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