A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I guess I will get right to it. I've been in a verbal, emotional abusive realtionship on and off for 4 years. He always breaks up with me, than changes his mind and I take him back. Or, I will show up at his place, or call him and then we start seeing each other again, but nothing ever gets better. We never have lived together, he refused to commit to me since he lost eceything in his divorce years before. Hi family loves me, friends, his son, the dog, everybody, but everytime we are at social events and people talk to me, he glares at them, gets drunk and starts pushing me around, calling me names... He has yelled at me for hours before, tells me to get out, then I try to leave and he wants a hug, then doesn't let go and says he's sorry, I didn't mean it???? I feel as if I have been on a rollercoater and getting the hell beat out of me along the way. WHY DO I WANT HIM TO CALL ME? I want him to say he's sorry... I havn't contacted him in 2 months, he contacted me 1 month ago about me stuff at his place and I said I didn't want it. Was he checking to see how weak I was? No contact since, what do I do, what is he thinking? Do I have the upper hand now??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Well, as mentioned before i have been single now for just over a year, and the confidence i have gained over that time has been amazing. I'm still not 100% there, and haven't had another relationship yet as i am afraid, but i know that one day i will be ready to go out with someone again. When i first broke up with him, i felt so alone, and my confidence was at rock bottom, over time i spent more time with friends - still not going out, but inviting them over to my house to watch dvd's. One of my friends was an absoloute rock, letting me go on and on about it. I still haven't told anyone the full story of what happened to me, and maybe i never will, but i'm hoping that one day i will trust someone enough to let everything out. I'm still bitter about the relationship, and wish so much that i could go and have the biggest row with him and tell him exactly what i think of him. I'm not sure if i need closure or whatever, but for the last year as mentioned before i have spent time catching up with friends and family, and basically doing all the things that he would never let me do, like talking to other lads, or dancing when we went out, and believe me nothing feels better than that. To be honest thats all i can think of saying for now, but if you need to know anything else; don't hesitate to ask, it feels great to know i may be helping someone who is going through the same thing i was.xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for responding. It's been really hard for my friends and family to understand why I would put up with, or be sad he's gone. I really apprecitate anything you would have to say abou this, you seem to understand and that is so comforting to me. These last 2 months have been so hard, but Iam very proud that Im not that weak little girl anymore begging for more abuse. I have 2 little boys from a previous marraige and I know I can't have that man around them anymore. Can you tell me more about that year you had away from your situation? If it's not to painful, I know these kinds of relationships can be tough to talk about. I know, he has never had a good reationship, everyone he has ever been with bolted, except me.... Why? The man is 34, tells me, I was looking at rings, but decided not to get you one?? So I drive myself crazy trying to prove him wrong about me, and It just made me insane and pushed him away.
Thank you agian for responding, I still need advise more that I thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Please please please get out of this because believe me... HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
I know it seems like it's easier for me to say, but i have been through this and it was hell. I have been single now for over a year since i split up with the guy, and i've never felt better. Finally i have my freedom back. It seems like you are scared to be alone, but honestly, there will be another guy out there who will treat you right. It doesn't matter if his family love you or whatever, the point his he isn't treating you right. As this relationship progresses, your self esteem will be getting lower and lower until eventually you don't have any at all. Don't let this guy ruin your life like mine almost did, it can be pushing now, and calling you names, but where des it stop? It's clear that he does not love you as he wouldn't do this. Be strong and end it. Regain your independence and show him that he can't just treat you like this and get away with it. When i saw this questin i felt strongly that i had to answer it. Again i have been through this, and if i can save someone else from going through it until they reach breaking point, i know that something good would have come out of my relationship. It may seem like i'm going on and on, but please you can't let him treat you like this. Splitting up with him does not mean that you have to stop seeing his family if you don't want to, just mke sure it's at times when he won't be there. You don't need him. I promise you one day you will find someone who will respect you, and love you unconditionally, and let me tell you, this is not the guy who you are with... Good luck and i hope everything works out for you xxx
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