A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Six month's ago I found a new fb page of my current bf, which said in a relationship with someone else, when I confronted him he denied it and removed the account saying his brother made it.Anyway I kept the girls name and every now and then I go on her fb, it went from being engaged which I still think it's with him to now having a baby, obviously I have no proof now its with him, but im 100% sure it is, ive not actually seen him in these months as he makes out he is working there.Anyway cut a long story short. We do still speak and I really know I shouldnt but where I dont have any proof I feel I have to, he keeps saying hes coming back, which I belive hes not,and denies being with anyone else.Even my friend has wrote a txt for me to him and his reply was that my friend is jealous because we are happy (I mean come on are we happy?).. I've asked him so many times if he doesnt want to be with me or is he with someone else.he just has to tell me, better then being lied to I guess but what is he really playing at, I kinda guessed its incase that relationship doesnt work out etc... But does many guys do this to there so called gfs??
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (14 June 2015):
I dont understand. How is he your boyfriend if he lives away and you never see each other??
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 June 2015):
 I personally don't like Facebook and prefer other forms of communication. Facebook seems to bring so much misery into some people's lives when a relationship is being affected by a rocky patch.The people I like and they like me see me regularly face to face or communicate with me one on one in some form of direct communication, phone, email and outings together or one on one chats at my home or their home.That said, did you have some suspicions? Is that why you felt drawn to his Facebook or was it random? If random then I am sorry that you had to be confronted in this very impersonal way.It IS highly unlikely that he is or was in a relationship with someone else. His brother did it? Lol ! some brother. It does not ring true. So your suspicions were raised and you kept the name of the girl. Then you found that she went from being engaged to having a baby? Is there a tradition in your area for families to publish baby congratulations in the newspaper? Such an advertisement could help confirm the birth. Though there is Possibly not one, as newspaper advertisement and birth death and marriage notices have become so very expensive, but it is a way (if published) to see "a son, Lachlan McNiven Alexander born 13 May 2015 at Edinburgh to Bluebell and Arimathea Dalrymple" (all made up names people)How strenuously did he try to deny it? Or did he dismiss it without an ounce of outrage? The latter might bother me as if I it would be a far too glib reaction.You have not actually seen him in person recently? That is NOT a good sign. A new baby would really consume his time. It is starting to sound like you are something on the side, when he gets time. Not good for you at all. You deserve better.But he is still willing to keep you on hold, with occasional conversations? Just keeping you mildly satisfied while he feeds you excuses? Not a long weekend occasionally? Does he remember your birthday and some special occasions like Valentine's day? If not you are sounding more like his emotional affair with his occasional willingness to talk to you on the phone. Again not sounding good for you.For him, I am starting to feel as if you are his emotional affair and a little bit of light relief when he considers all the other pressures on him.Happy to soothe you with promises but the visits never happen? I am NOT liking the sound of this, for you.Like anyone he does not work 24/7 and not 365 days a year. If he is committed to you then he should be seriously eager to see you in person once in a while.BUT if he is already enjoying home comforts and is besotted with his new baby then I can understand why he is too busy for much else. Do you think you deserve better than this?I can tell you that I think you deserve better than this.Do you think this is a happy fully engaged and exciting and satisfying relationship?It sounds like you are getting a very raw deal. And lies from him. Even your friend thinks so.I don't think he has the courage to tell you the truth.He is playing at trying to keep his cake and eat his cake at the same time. He can't successfully juggle that sort of complexity and he should stop trying to do so.I feel sorry for the other girl if he is indeed the father and if he is carrying on with an emotional affair while also trying to be a father and keep the mother of the child happy. Because he will cheat again on her and you with someone else. It is who he is. or at least that is what it sounds like to me.Yes, men who are liars and lack courage do try to juggle girls like this. Sometimes their abode becomes a revolving door of hopeful girls, each thinking she is the one.Or knowing that they are one of many and each thinking that they will be able to triumph and become the ONE.But with a cheater no one can remain the ONE for very long as a cheater gets their adrenaline rush from reeling in another one. The chase is exciting with a cheater. The newness of a newly started affair is the Rush the cheater enjoys.He may go on for years, always on the look out for a woman who is easy for him to drawn into his web. A woman who does not value herself enough and shrinks from asking for what she wants OR ELSE.I think it is time you created TWO big A3 pages of SWOT analysis about what you want in a man and what you do not want versus what you have to offer and what needs to improve to help you be in a position to recognise that man.So create 4 boxes on the page - one for STRENGTHS, one for WEAKNESSES, one for OPPORTUNITIES, last one for WEAKNESSES. That is a SWOT analysis. what strengths do you admire in a man's character?What weaknesses do you hope to avoid in a man?What opportunities present themselves as being how you can meet this manWhat are the biggest threats to you landing such a man? Your own self belief could be one threat.Secondly look at YOUR strengths, then your weaknesses etc.If there are things you need to address like your fitness level then address how you can fix it.Even 6 months is far TOO LONG to waste on a man who can offer you only heartache.Hope this answer helped.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2015): "But does many guys do this to there so called gfs??"
Men of honor and integrity don't.
Liars and cheaters do, but only when women allow themselves to be strung along.
He's never going to admit to anything because he wants to keep you around as a piece on the side and he knows you don't have the strength of character to trust your own instincts and tell him to get lost.
Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2015): Thanks for ur advice people, but have no idea what u are all going on about insurence, and to be honest ive never actually posted on hear before so its sounding like people are just assuming im this other person when im not,, yes its been a touch few months, and I will get over it but was just wanting some advice not a lecture about sounding like someone else
Thanks
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2015):
 Is this the same guy you paid his car insurance for? The guy who couldn't get insurance on his own or what not?
IF it is, you obviously do not take ANY of the advice given to heart as you still talk to him and still see yourself as his GF.
Guys don't keep a spare GF while knocking up another girl. And you know it.
YOU do not need 100% proof to dump him. You don't trust him and he HAS given you REASON not to trust him.
He is getting SOMETHING out of stringing you along.. maybe you are STILL paying for his car insurance? Or other bills? Or he has stuff "stored" at your place? So free storage?
He is not going to admit anything. You aren't happy in this relationship and you certainly don't seem to get much out of it, so WHY continue?
You know what to do.. you CHOOSE not to do it, so it's kind of pointless trying to give you adive.
Now if you are NOT the same woman with the LDR BF who's car insurance she pays for, and this is a NEW poster, I'm sorry if I presume you were the other one. Then READ Tisha's advice and follow it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 June 2015):
 No, I don't think many guys do this to their girlfriends.
I remember you have posted about this guy before. He is far away and has basically said the right things to keep you wondering.
What is he really playing at? My guess is that he's a guy who likes himself best of all and will say and do whatever it takes to keep himself with sex on tap and you docile enough to keep you from getting all freaked out.
"We do still speak and I really know I shouldnt but where I dont have any proof I feel I have to, he keeps saying hes coming back, which I belive hes not,and denies being with anyone else."
You know you need to cut contact with him. All this time you are spending trying to convince yourself that he owes you an explanation and that his (ridiculous) behavior can be deciphered.
You know he's lying, he knows he's lying, he also knows he's not going to come clean; I mean, come on, it's been months. He's got his story and he's sticking to it.
Just block him, stop FB stalking him and his girlfriend and get on with your life! What are you waiting for? He's never going to own up to being a cheating a$$hole.
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