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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, lately I have been having mixed feelings that have even confused myself. Even though my bf of one year and I ahve agreed with each other that we don't want to ahve intercourse with each other, recently we were kissing and hugging on my bed like we sometimes do and he reached his hand down my pants and then quickly took it back out again. At first I was okay with him wanting to touch me down there and ahve to admit I wanted him to touch me there, but then he took it back out again and we kept on kissing afterwards and then he said he didn't wnat to keep on going because he was scared it would lead to other things (like oral sex or intercourse). I ahve to admit, I took it personally because no one had ever touched me down there in such a long time and I told him he needed to realize how much I trusted him to even let him do that or get that close to me. I felt rejected. I asked him later on if it was because he didn't like how I felt or if he was grossed out (I have insecurities about my body shape because I used to be obese but exercised and dieted down to a size 8) He said it wasn't because of that at all: that he loves me from head to toe. The most recent thing that happened was when we were togetehr alone again on my couch and we began kissing hot and heavy again and he tried touching me down there again but I kept on stopping him this time mostly because we were in the living room and I didn't feel right about being so intimate there, and because inside I was still thinking to myself "Oh, NOW you want to touch me" and I just felt like it was too much too soon like he was trying to make up for last time. I felt wweird afterwards--I don't know what to say to him or how to approach this subject with him or what to say. Hoping you could help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHI there, I wanted to say thanks a lot for your answers--they really helped to put the situation into perspective--and we did end up talking about it and what happened and what we would both like to do differently next time....all in all, when we talked about it, it was much clearer and I seeing the thoughts of everyone else amde me look at the situation from the pointr of view of my bf not being grossed out by me or playing with me, but just not being sure whetehr or not he should ahve doen it in the first place, thanks a lot.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): Sounds like you two respect each other very much. Talk about any insecurities and have him talk about his with you. I dont think this guy sounds like the type to try to play with your mind, so dont think about his actions too much, as in dont read into it too deeply cause thats not his intent. i agree with xxxsollsistaxxx if you really want him to touch you somewhere guide his hand to that place and show him what you want.
goodluck and keep the communication flowing
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Well I don't think he was grossed out or didn't like touching you in any way. I just think he was trying to be respectful of you and your wishes. he probably felt like he was going further than you wanted to go, and took his hand back up to be polite. and so when you guys talked about it, and you told him that you didn't mind, he probably was thrilled and tried to go in for the kill again the second time. and i can pretty much guarantee it's not because he felt like he had to. trust me. I think he just wanted to. anyway, I wouldn't read so much into this. I just think you have a really respectful guy who's trying to cater to you and your wishes. good luck.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (27 August 2006):
 I sounds like you are both a bit confused with all this so it's my advice to wait a while longer before you go any further with him. You seem to really care about each other but both have issues (you about your body and him about trust etc) that need resolving before you will both be ready to make love.
Just enjoy your kissing and cudding for now and forget about all this. It is my experience that the best sex happens when no one knows it's going to happen, no ones planned it or even thought about it, it just happened. Take it slow. If you want him to put his hand into your pants, guide his hand down there when you're getting hot and steamy. He will feel more confident and trusting if you have helped him do it. He'll know it's what you want.
Maybe he's not ready for this. He pulled his hand out of your pants before he did anything and tries to do stuff in places where he knows you will stop him before things go too far. Maybe he's nervous about doing it, or about his performance maybe?
You two need to talk about this to really get to the bottom of it. Sit him down and tell him you feel ready to go further. Ask him why he doesn't seem so keen. Find out what's going on inside his head and this will all start to make more sense. You can then work out the problem together and do whatever you want, when you're both ready.
Good luck
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