A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I are having trouble with our sexual relationship and are not sure what is causing it. We have only recently started to have penetrative sex but I find it excrutiatingly painful and the second time we had sex, or rather tried sex, was so bad he could hardly enter me without me yelping with the pain. I have never experienced this with other partners so am at a loss as to what it is and what is causing. We had sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it was painful and resulted in me having cystitis. I consulted the doctor who put me on antibiotics and then we waited until I was better before trying again at the weekend. However, despite my vagina being well lubricated and my boyfriend trying the fingering technique to try to 'open' it up abit, when it came to penetration I nearly went through the roof with the pain! His penis is slightly bigger than I am used to. We have been having trouble with him entering me and then when he has finally managed, I cannot cope with the pain. He promised to go gentle but I couldn't stand the pain. I love him so much because he has been so understanding and reassuring. It is starting to get me down abit, because I have never experienced this pain with previous partners. Our non-penetrative sex life is amazing. He has brought me very near to orgasm before which I have never come anywhere near to with previous partners. He really turns me on. At some point I would love to have children with him but I fear that we will never be able to create them because of the pain I feel during intercourse! Any ideas what could be causing this pain and what we can do about it. The pain is indescribable!
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fingering, orgasm, sex life, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): i used to get pain during penatration like a burning sensation i went to the doctors and they said i had thrush i used a pessary and cream and its now pretty much normal you should try this because remeber you dont have to have sex to catch thrush! so whether or not this was your first time having sex with this partner wouldnt matter
A
female
reader, julihanna  +, writes (23 March 2008):
I had this same problem about two years ago and found out that i had developed an allergy to latex. Switched to latex free condoms and the problem is gone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I am the original poster of the question. Thank you for the replies. It is a burning/stabbing pain as soon as he enters me by a couple of inches or more. It is a little uncomfortable when he uses fingers but nothing significant. No, he doesn't have an odd shape penis at all. The girth is a little more than I am used to, but that shouldn't be a problem. I don't think he has experienced this with previous girlfriends and I definitely haven't experienced it with previous boyfriends. I haven't ended up with cystitis this time, but the pain was the same during our attempts at sex as last time. We really enjoy foreplay so are contenting ourselves with that, but we would like to make love to each other. I want to get this sorted as I fear it will have a significant effect on our relationship.
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A
female
reader, VeronicaSkye +, writes (11 March 2008):
You should definitely go to a doctor & make sure there is nothing wrong that is causing this, especially since it seems to be having such an impact on your sex life. There are a few possibilties that I have experienced which may be a cause, such as: having a yeast infection can cause severe pain during intercourse, & sometimes you may have no other symptoms. Antibiotics often cause yeast infections, which can be avoided by taking lots of acidophulus. (Yeast infections can be treated with over the counter or prescription creams). A urinary tract infection can also make sex painful, but you would usually also be experiencing pain before or when you pee. (Urinary tract infections are often brought on by sex, especially if you have multiple partners, or are having unprotected sex, or are having sex with someone who has a different shape or size of penis than you are used to). If you don't have any infections or medical conditions (such as Pelvic Inflamatory Disease, fibroids, etc), there are a couple other possibilities, one is (don't laugh) if you are constipated, or another is that, like me, you might have a "short" vagina with a low cervix, which makes sex painful if a man has a large or long penis or goes too deep. If the last one is the case, all you can do is get him to be gentle & try different positions to see if there is one that works for you, (plus the more foreplay the better). Without more details, the only other things I can think of (other than other infections or medical conditions of course), would be if perhaps he has an oddly shaped penis or it is curved or something? And is it a burning pain or an ache or how would you describe it? Does it start as soon as there is penetration or only if the penetration is deep? And it doesn't hurt when fingers are inserted?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 My feeling is that there must still be some kind of infection or other medical condition involved. Has this occurred from the first time with this partner?
His size, unless exceptionally "huge" should not be a factor. A woman's vagina can expand to deliver eight to 14 pound babies, though not without pain and great discomfort. More foreplay may help, but my thought is that a medical reason remains.
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