A
female
age
41-50,
*emmenoir
writes:Hi,i have a question to ask, as i am feeling slightly confused @ present.I finally got to meet my online date for the first time, this weekend just passed and we hit it off so well and spent more than 8 hrs together, doing all sorts of things around town.My online date, even offered to carry my belongings for me, he was as much a gentleman in person, as he was online and i would not have expected any less from him.My concern now, is that after our date ended, i sent him a short text msg, saying thankyou for our afternoon/evening out tog.He then replied with pos energy by saying, you're very welcome, it was my pleasure, speak soon and sleep well + his name, which i will keep anonymous.I hear so much hype about how long a woman should wait to hear from a man, before realising that he just isn't interested, or maybe he may be assuming that the woman is not interested, hence his delay.In our case, i could definitely see and feel interest on both sides. I am not the desperate/needy type and most times, i don't worry unecessarily, but bec i like him, i cannot help but wonder how keen this man is, since we parted ways, 2 days ago and he has not yet made any kind of contact with me.I am of the opinion that if a man really likes a woman, then he will wish to contact her asap, or am i wrong here and could he actually be keener than i think, because he is taking his time in replying.I have been advised by numerous males, to not contact him, as a man will contact a woman of his own accord, if he is interested in her.I am fairly "old school", old fashioned when it comes to dating and relationships, hence my not wishing to ring him first.I like a man who takes the lead.Having said all of this, what is a sensible waiting period and to all the guys out there, who happen to read my post, when should i assume the worst, that he is simply uninterested in me?Any sensible feedback would be greatly appreciated.Thankyou in advance!
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female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (30 April 2014):
femmenoir is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou to all who took the time to reply to my post!
I sincerely appreciated your efforts.
I have good news to announce!
The gentleman i met last Saturday, has sent me an email yesterday, saying that it was really wonderful to meet me in person & he asked me if i would like to see a movie with him, as soon as i am available.
Of course, i said yes & i mentioned i am free this coming Sunday, so why not go & see a movie together then.
I am awaiting a reply from him later today & we will take it from there.
Thanks again! :-)
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 April 2014):
 Since you like to let the man take the lead, you'll just gave to grin and bear it while he follows the three day rule ... unless he's following a different rule that involves 5 days.
Wouldn't it be so much simpler if there were no rules set in place for either gender? Wouldn't it be liberating if you could just phone him for a nice chat?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): If he's a gentleman type then he will NOT rush things, purely out of a sense of manners and decorum.Three days is the rule - anything before then and it's considered ungentlemanly. That will change in future if you become closer, but definitely not at this stage. You should let him lead and set the pace - gentlemen do not like to feel they are being lead...they ultimately need to feel very manly in reward for their graciousness towards you.Having said that - if, in future, he really does start to act flakey - it late, doesn't call when he says he will, takes AGES in between dates to contact you - ie. more than two weeks, unless he says something will come up to stop him contacting you then drop him. But at this stage he's not acting flakey at all.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 April 2014):
 If you initiated contact some of the time and he other times before the date then I would continue doing that. Do the same thing now that you were doing then.
Give it a week or so before you mention a second date and if/when you do you could say something like 'I had a great time last weekend. Let me know if and when you'd like to get together again.' Be light and upbeat about it. This shows him you're still interested without cornering him to come up with an immediate answer one way or the other.
An eight hour date is WAAAY too long at this early stage. It encourages too much familiarity too soon and the more time you spend together, especially in intimate settings the more pressure there is to become intimate. I can see 2-4 hours if you have an activity plus a meal planned. Otherwise they should be no longer than 2 -3 hours.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): Well this problem is as old as time AND is extremely common.
Sadly there is no real way to tell. And believe me, I know how frustrating and almost maddening it can be waiting on that special someone to make contact - it's hard because you cant read their minds! You don't know what to do for the best and you certainly don't know if by texting them you will appear clingy.
Some of us guys do take the lead and make plans, but others can be a little nervous and try to avoid looking clingy (which is stupid if you really want to see someone!)
In your case it all sounds like it went really well. So it seems odd that the gent wouldn't want to make contact with you. But don't assume the worst :) He might be trying to play things cool.
I think if he doesn't contact you within the next day or so but you'd like to take things further you should ring him or text him asking how things are and whether he is free any time soon. He'd probably be really glad you did - Us guys like to feel wanted and important enough to be contacted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): I agree. Let the man take the lead. He will let you know if he likes you.
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