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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we've lived together for a year. We got a new house, a new dog, etc...I feel that our relationship should be taken to the next level (marriage). I love him and I believe he is "the one!"However, I have brought this up to him but he tells me that he wants us first to be permanent in our jobs before we marry. I feel that it's just an excuse. Am I being "pushy"? It's got me feeling that he's not as sure about me as I am about him.I do love him and believe that he's the one as I've mentioned before, but if he has no intentions in taking our relationship further I believe I should move, being that we want different things.Should I leave him or wait? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2006): No I think that you are just a little insecure about your relationship with him. You already live with him, this is a big commitement already on his part. Many guys want things to be perfect before they get married, unfortunately I don't think that life should be planned, because you never know what will happen. You need to step back, and understand him, he probably scared and wants to be 100% sure before he makes the final commitment. You being pushy, will not help, but just push him further and doubt ever more. I have been in the same situation about it, and I became so insecure about us that we ended up breaking up after 6 years. I realise wath i have done wrong, it has to come from him, imagine how you would feel if he finally got ready and proposed, without you asking again. By you asking all the time, you would probably be happy if he did propose, but then you would wonder if he did it just because he felt like he had no choice. Guys need their time to think, and maybe he wont even wait until you get a stable job. However, if you feel like he does not care naymore about you and that you feel likes he want you gone, and thinks he could get better suited than you, go. You have lived with him for a long time already, you should know i he is still into you. And by that I don't mean that he should have marry and baby talks with you, but you gut feeling is always right.Look at his eyes... Just don't beat yourself over it, it should come, you guys are probably not ready. for women I find that we idealize marriage too much, it will be the same after the honeymoon, it will not make your bond stronger and it will not mean that you will stay with him forever. You need to think things over, and see if HE is really the one for you, marriage is just the cherry on the top. Do you like the idea of marriage in general, or it's because you want to really be with him. Have faith, and don't leave, why leave if yuou love him and see that connection, commitment is a big thing, and you thinking of leaving him is making me doubt if you truelly love him for better or for worse.Take time for yourself, see your friends, talk about it, go away alone, you will find the answer. When we are with somebody we tend to forget about ourselves.Good luck
A
female
reader, Angelicc  +, writes (25 July 2006):
 I think that you wanting everything now and you aren't taking the time to enjoy or really appreciate what you all ready have. You have a boyfriend that you love that your living with in your new home.You've only been together for 2 years, what's the rush to get married, if he's the one then if you get married tomorrow or next year that won't change.So he wants to take a little time before he jumps into to marriage. This could be a good thing as when he finally does want to marry you, you'll know it's becuase he's ready not because he feels pressured into. So take the time to really enjoy what you already have as if you carry on pushing you may regret it.
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