A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of one year an I split up 8 weeks ago. We split because I thought he was seeing my best friend....I still do.He has ALWAYS sworn that he never had and never would have anything to do with her and that one day I will see that. He tells me that if he had one wish it would be that I believed him and accepted that he was telling the truth. He has sworn on the lives of his two daughters, who are his life! I am still in touch with him and he wants to be friends. The thing is he has lied to me quite a few times in the past. Not big lies, just little white ones. When we were together our relationship was brilliant!..we have loads of things in common and loads of chemistry and I met up with him 4 weeks ago briefly to get some things back and he hugged and kissed me and wouldn't let go of me...then 10 minutes later he texted and suggested meeting up again to go to a museum together(he has since cancelled twice on me. Family crisis and illness) We still get on and text and he always replies within 2 minutes. What I want to know is, if he is seeing my ex best friend then would he really want to stay friends and in touch with me when there is a good chance I would eventually find out? or would he just cut ties with me altogether and take the much easier option??
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 I fully agree with YouWish.
Why you want to keep wasting your time on a man who is NOT going to be who you want him to be or who you "think" he can be, is beyond me.
Cut the contact. Look back and see the red flags so that you can recognize then for what they are. Don't claim it was "brilliant" when he was two-timing you behind your back. The whole "brilliant" was an illusion and also why it didn't last.
LET him go, cut the contact and MOVE on.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 January 2017):
 You split with him 8 weeks ago because you can't trust him. He lies to you as a general rule; this much is for certain.
Whether he is seeing your ex-best friend or not is now irrelevant. You're never going to get the "proof" that your brain-in-denial will look for, and even if he's not seeing this person (I think he's either seeing her or others you haven't thought of), you already know that his comfort level with deceiving you is an unacceptable dealbreaker.
So let me ask you some painfully obvious questions for which you know the answer to already:
1. Does "breaking up" mean staying friends? NO!!!!
2. Does "breaking up" mean that you should give a damn who he sees or when or where?? NO!!!
3. Does "Breaking up" mean getting physical with him a month later? NO!!!!
4. Does "breaking up" mean getting all nostalgic for how "brilliant" the relationship was, or how much chemistry you two had? NO!!!
5. Does "breaking up" mean making plans to go run off to a museum, and KEEP making plans that he's able to cancel on more than once? NO!!!
6. Does "breaking up" mean getting on and texting constantly?? NO!!!
There aren't enough words to describe how incredibly weak your words appear to him now. He can manipulate you like a sock puppet, and 8 weeks ago when you finally let your brain drive for one flash and you made the RIGHT decision not to allow a guy who lies to you have anything to do with you, he just steamrolled you anyway like you are made out of cotton candy.
You need to CUT CONTACT. This guy is a liar. You do not know the real him, and the one time you finally caught wise and realized that he is playing you for a fool, you started getting wishy-washy, and he knew he had you.
Don't care about him or your ex-friend. He is keeping you from moving on and being able to find someone who would be true to you, would not lie to you, and would cherish you.
You're 36-40. You don't have much more time to waste on liars and losers. If you haven't figured that out by now, then any liar and loser can get you under their thumb in an instant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): Yes he would still be as attentive because he wants you at his fingertips.
I think you may be correct about the ex best friend.
If youve been together only a year and he has made you feel insecure about the way he operates then you can get over him quite quickly if you apply your mind to it.
Expressions like "he is a dirty great player!" are good to keep you on target.
It wont be plain sailing for your exbestfriend either.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (3 January 2017):
If he was wanting to have a serious relationship with your ex-best-friend, I doubt he would want to keep seeing you. I doubt that ex-BF would tolerate it as there appears to be bad blood between you.
But if it was just sex or just a fling then he might feel that he can juggle the two of you without you finding out.
What made you think the two of them cheated on you? You obviously don't have concrete proof and unfortunately it's something that neither of you can prove or dis-prove.
If you really think he cheated on you - cut ties with him. Don't hang around waiting for proof either way because you won't ever get it. You don't need his permission to cut ties even if he wants to stay friends
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