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*olicedad
writes:I am a father of 3 teenage children 1 son and 2 daughters (13, 15 and 16) I am also a police officer. Over the past year we have been called to many parties with underage drinking/and or fights and once we got there we found live sex, orgies, group sex. It seems to be happening more and more, Most of the kids at these parties are 17 - 20 years old, some younger. As I parent I am concerned. I can not control what my kids do when they are out. I think my kids are good kids but I am sure most parents feel the same way. As parents what are you doing and saying to your kids to prepare them for the real world of unshameful sex. Recently I can across a 14 yr old girl doing oral sex on a group of guys while others watched for money , her reasonimg to pay for cell phone bill. It literally makes me sick to think of such young girls doing this to not only their bodies but their hearts and minds. The guys at these parties think it is cool and that they are the big guys for having unprotected sex with more then one girl. I almost feel like locking my kids away just to keep them safe. How do you all feel about this.
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (12 May 2010):
 I appreciate this post as most important, because this sexual activity is observed by police officer, not by any orthodox mind. This posts demand some moral statement, which I am going to present here. The heart of this posts is presented by this statement...
1.Recently I can across a 14 yr old girl doing oral sex on a group of guys while others watched for money , her reasonimg to pay for cell phone bill."
Right, what you happen to see is gang of prospective criminals, which inherited from their elders. It is every where in the world. Drugs is very effective tools to convert anyone in to docile. But, like many business criminal is also business that came from parent's attitude. We can see, a Doctor's son will become doctors, actor's son a actor like that...criminal family create criminals. And, as a police officer you must be aware of the fact that drugs like stuff is mainly used in prostitution business.
I am saying this with confidence because I have seen such progression in many families. Now a days, every one can see the popular trend of film story- it is all about criminals. No it is not film story that influence society, as is claimed by many, but it is society's general trend that influence the mind of story writers, and what they present is very small aspect of the system... and not all system.
Now a days, human societies became more and more collectivist, which resulted in losing grasps on reason and vision and values and wisdom, and they feel safe in using brute force and fraud which is easy for collective gang for earning easy money and pleasure....
Such gangs plays their tricks more in college campus than high-schools. I admit here that I have lost my only son for such gangs, and now he is out of order...I suffer horrible depression, which take two-three years treatment for recovering.
My all philosophic knowledge fail to correct his mind. I have discussed this issue with all college authorities...and What I got in response is presented above. Yes, in my family, my two brother are involved in drug and prostitution business, I cannot do anything to correct them also...what I did...simply leave them all and choose to live without family [ of parents] I firmly believe, from my own experience that No one in the world can push female for prostitution...No lover, no friend, or even one night stander or one who use female body only for sex.....push any female in to prostitution...only parent and parent's nearest relative can do such crime. Prostitution is very painful and cruel system..It is parents who sacrifice their own children for money.I have seen its cruelty, which is not visible to ordinary person...but, I am sure, as police officer, you will have chance to see it, if you choose to see it systematically.
This posts remind me of my personal shock of losing only son at his teen age and at my old age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Im am an young teenage girl and i think that teens now days dont have morals in there lifes. I was raised up to be a young lady with goals.repect for myself and other.and i honestly think family morals have been fading away ibn families no days. I also by expirience think that the lack of parent in discipline has to do with this issue.
i personaly compare myself to other girls my age in see the diffrence that not having the mind of choice to say no to influence and getting pressure by boys. But like my mom always says "i trust the way i raised you and i know you wont dissapoint me" this is so true the way parents raise you has in impact in you teenage life.=)
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reader, drhit1007 +, writes (9 May 2010):
As a 20 year old I've never experienced anything quite like that. I don't smoke pot, don't do drugs, but I drink and have my fun in college (and some of high school). I leave it at that though.. fun. I go out on the weekends with my friend and keep it chill. My parents would rather not know what I do on the weekends, but it's pretty well understood between us as to what goes when I'm away at school.
I've heard about nasty things like that going on, but I prevent myself from associating myself with those types of people. I've been to parties where people are passing around all sorts of different drugs. I've got enough self-respect to say no.. and no one cares. A lot of kids don't understand that it's alright to say no.
There's trust between my parents and me. Yeah, sometimes I didn't told them the whole truth.. sometimes no part of the truth at all about what I was doing or where I was going. Besides those white lies, that trust grew me.. I'm 20, paying my way through college. I'm an Eagle Scout. I have a good group of friends. I'm no 4.0 student.. but I'm doing alright. I have a paid internship this summer despite the economy.
Do other parents or adults compliment your children? I was one of those kids.. all the parents love me. I was always respectful. I yelled at my mom once.. and my dad made sure that was the last time, believe me. What type of people are your kids hanging out with? Are your children's friends respectful to you (even though you're a cop)? Have you made sure your son doesn't lash out at his mother? Do you make sure your girls, I'm sure beautiful, dress appropriately?
I give all credit for everything I am now to my parents. I give all the credit to myself for everything I will be. But I wouldn't be anything without the help of my parents. Be there for them and they'll make you proud.
Oh yeah.. another bit of advice.. make sure they're involved. I'm quite involved at school with clubs and academic responsibilities. I simply don't have the time to do stupid shit like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): the best you can do is to talk to them... not as a cop but as a father.
Talk to them about protected sex and yeah.. pretty much thats all you can do.
They are reaching an age where they'll be by themselfs, they are no longer children who should be checked every sec. now they have to know what is wrong and right
Just hope you taught them well and trust them !
good luck !
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 It is very sad when our society has degenerated in to such debauchery.
It is the modern lifestyle which caused our children to experience such a lifestyle.
Today ,both parents are working full time and have little time for their children .They are left mostly alone to their own devices.The children grow up alone and without the right guidance and they mixed with the wrong company.
Furthermore with the internet age, there is an abundance of smut online and in DVD's.
As parents, it is our duty to show them the right path in life.Parents should give more attentions and love to their children and monitor what they are doing, so that they can nip any potential problems before they become too big to handle.
Instilling into them strong religious values which is a strong defense against all those evils of society.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 A couple of thoughts. A good friend of ours has a long history in social work and association with a children's hospital. One of the sources of tension in our friendship is her over-protectiveness -- she's seen all sorts of awful things that can happen to kids, and hovers over hers so that doesn't happen. While I wholly respect where she's coming from, I don't feel my kids can develop into fully functional adults without taking some (appropriate) risks. There is such a thing as too much information, and professionals such as yourself are too often exposed to it.
You've had your kids' formative years to instill your values. If those values were going to 'catch', they'll have caught by now. Your job as a parent is to monitor them so that they don't get into situations where they'll be pressured into poor decisions. And to balance that with allowing them enough freedom to grow and develop appropriately. No, it isn't easy. No, I didn't get a manual either when they were born. All of us parents are trying hard to walk that same line, to keep our kids safe without smothering them. Your line of work just makes it harder.
I wish you the very best of luck. And wish me the same, please, as my kids are similar ages.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2010): It is scary the things that kids get involved in now a days. I grew up with a girl who was very protected and sheltered by her parents growing up. I remember being in high school and she wasn't even allowed to watch rated R movies. Her family was very religious and conservative. They sheltered her so much that she never was educated about all the bad things that can happen and she never experienced anything in a safe manner. When she turned 18 she moved out and made new friends (the wrong kind) got into drugs, drinking, casual sex, and all kinds of other things. I think you have to find a balance between keeping your kids from these things and also teaching them about the reality of life and letting them see it themselves in controlled doses. That way they won't feel like they have to go nuts and rebel when they are legally able to because they feel like they were held back from having fun as a teenager. My mom allowed my brothers and I to have parties at our house every once in a while. She was always home, awake, and aware of who was here and what was going on. Yes we did drink and a few kids would sneak outside to smoke pot, but no one ever left (she took everyone's keys as soon as they got here) and she tried to keep an eye on how much kids were drinking. She mainly kept a low profile and we basically got to have our fun but she also felt safe knowing we were here instead of hiding in the woods, or at someone else's house without supervision.
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reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Oh man I sooooo agree. I live in a semi rural town in New Zealand and I can't believe the drugs the kids can buy here. When I was at high school it was such a big deal to hear about a kid who got busted for marijuana possession now you'd almost be thankful if that was all your kids got into. My kids are only little at the moment 3,5 & 7 so I don't have to worry about parties yet but some advice a mother of teenagers gave me once was: have the parties at your house. Let them have one every weekend if need be so that you can monitor what happens and who comes. Also I think kids in sport generally keep themselves busy enough to keep out of trouble. Make it your business to know who their friends are too. Friends have such a large influence over us when we are teenagers so if their friends are nice level headed kids they will all hopefully look out for one another. I guess all we can do is keep installing those good values and common sense into our kids and hope and pray they don't fall into anyone else's trap!
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reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (9 May 2010):
 No morales these days. Makes me glad my three are adults!
As a parent all you can do is teach them good values. Not all kids are like that. Some grow up fine without experiencing the things you have seen.
As a police officer you see the worst of the worst. As a parent...you have to hope for the best and be good role models.
Unfortunately you can't lock your kids away until they turn 21. So, do the best parenting you possibly can now! They are at the ages now where they will come to a fork in the road. It is up to them which way to go! Hopefully they will chose wisely! Possibly, having a dad who's a police officer may help them make wise choices!
Good Luck!!
~BG~
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010): I get what you mean
but I'm 17yo I don't do anything like that, if your kids are intellegent enough to say no and not let there emotions dictant there actions
it isn't the parent it's the kid I've smoked pot but it's never been like oh I gotta have sex no I never been to a party
the girls act like little sluts and then think it's okay it isn't it's the girl not the parents or the guy
So no you can lock them up but guess what they will get better and better at hiding things and hiding things from you then they will need help and they won't come to you
Be smart
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