A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I feel really inadequate to my ex bf who broke up with me. I cant seem to get over the feeling of him not wanting to be with me anymore. It doesn't help that he never gave me a real reason for breaking up with me, or that it was in a text message. I dont feel like I ever got closure. All Ive gotten is his freinds telling me that his new gf is sooo much betteer then me, shes way coolerm funner, better to party with and most of all, all there mates love her to death- everything which im not or couldnt be! This happened back in late March this year and I am still finding myself trying to be who he wanted me to be (he said he was going to "fix" me). He wanted to make so many changes to who I was, so in the relationship I felt like i wasnt good enough as he didnt accept me for me. but i just thought there must be something wrong with me, so i have to change, beause hes always right. I feel like I have to prove to my ex bf, his friends, my family and myself that I am good enough for my ex, that I am worthy of his love, that I can be the perfect gf for him. I feel like I must be a loser or something. I looked up to him, I put him up on a pedastal but obviously I wasnt good enough to be up there with him. I think what hurts most and makes it so hard to move on is that my parents loved him to death and they always bring him up in conversations and they seem blame me for ruining a potentially good husband. That makes me feel like a failure.Please help me deal with these feelings which are torturing me!!!
View related questions:
broke up, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): You don't have to prove anything to anybody. Have some self worth and move on with your head held up high. He should be lucky to even grace your presence. The more confident you are---the better guys you will find. Don't let anyone else's opinion get to you--move on!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to everyone for all the wonderful advice.
dude1- I am 19 years old and yes I am having a further education- I'm currently doing a degree at uni.
Dr Pete- Yes I have spoken to my parents about how it makes me feel when they constantly bring up my ex. But they still do it, my mum says I have to "talk about the experience to learn from it". Its just so frustrating because when she talks about it, it feels like she places blame on me, like I must of done something wrong to make him not care for me anymore, because he is wayyyyy to perfect to do anything wrong in her eyes.
Annalisa- I don't think anything really stops me from being happy, fun sociable etc...its jsut my ex's friends views of whats fun is different to mine. They think its fun to get completely drunk all weekend, every weekend.
Honeygirl-thanks for your advice too :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): I read your message and I see someone who really has a low opinion of herself - and by that I don't mean you were in any way less than your ex.
Like Annalisa said, if he was such a great guy, he would have split up with you as carefully and sensitively as he could.
I highly doubt this guy was really so great, he doesn't sound like it to me. In fact I feel a bit skeptical about your relationship, when you write things like he was trying to change you, or "fix" you as these are not words to describe a healthy relationship.
Have you spoken to your parents about how they are making you feel with their comments? They might be saying it without realising how bad it is making you feel. If they are knowingly making comments, then perhaps they have a role in why you feel so bad about yourself?
As cliche as it sounds, you need to concentrate on yourself, build up your own confidence, focus on all the great things about yourself, I'm sure there are plenty. When you develop your own confidence I think you will stop putting this guy on a pedestal, and probably end up being glad it is over.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Your ex has a problem!! He is obviously very insecure and needs to change or 'fix' his girlfriend into someone who he feels is the right person... Ignore what his friends are saying, as I am sure after a while your ex will start 'fixing' things with his new girlfriend. With regards to parents, well I'm a mom and when my daughter brings a nice guy home, well I tend to think hes the one... yet I forget that she has to make the choice and she has to commit to that man. He might seem perfect to parents but they only see what they want to see.
...............................
|
