A
female
age
36-40,
*nita22
writes:Hi Dear Cupid advisors, I am in my early 20s, finished college and am working as a Marketing Professional.So I met a guy in a bar (in Boston- we are both locals) and we really hit it off. We danced all night and talked all about our lives and Jobs etc. We had a lot in common including interest in music and sports. We exchanged numbers. At the end He’s like “Come here give me a hug, hit me up sometime, you have my info. We could go see a movie or something”I read that book "He's just not that into you" and it mentions that if he doesn't call you he is not into you, saying that he is shy, busy etc are just excuses. OK but this situation is different since he asked me to call him.I hear nothing from him so I text him after 2 weeks (felt this was definitely enough time to not appear desperate)since I just heard that a DJ we both like was coming to a local nightclub in Jan. I texted:"Hey, Hope Christmas was good! Also just found out that this DJ is coming, might be going with some mates...."To which he replied "Hey hope you had a good Christmas. Oh that sounds like a good time. Thanks for letting me know" My 2 main questions are 1. Did he ask me to contact him (vs him calling me) since I am just a backup (he has other girls/dates going for him? Why else would he put the ball in my court2. After I finally texted him why did he do the following? i) He CLOSED the conversation. He didn't ask any questions to make me text more e.g did you go out of town for Christmas, how is your job. If I had continued I would have looked desperate, like I had no one else.ii)He didnot ask me to hangout or otherwise ask me out even with a group of friends - No plans for a future meeting. He didn't seem that drunk in the club when he asked me to contact him. 3. He did text me back immediately (1 min).Why did he do this if he has no interest?4. Can I reply to him. If so what should I say?Thanks a bunch for your helpIts greatly appreciated!!
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female
reader, Anita22 +, writes (31 December 2013):
Anita22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a bunch for your feedback, it was very helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): Firstly you can throw that book out as apparently the situation of the guy letting you make the move is not covered by it, which is what happened here.
He said hit him up and you could go to the movies or something and you waited two weeks and then just tried to make him ask you out.
You're wasting his time OP and he's more than likely not bothered playing your game.
You played this all wrong by trying to play games.
He made it easy, gave you his details and said to contact him. With all due respect your attempt was pretty lame, after too long and you seem to think that somehow he has to make the moves when he told you to.
He basically told you that if you're interested contact him, you wait two weeks and you don't even ask him out.
I mean you went to all the trouble of finding a DJ you both like and instead of inviting him to go with you, you just tell him it's on hoping he'd do it.
OP dating is very easy when you stop trying to read bullshit signs, make idiotic rules, tests and over complicate things.
He showed interest by giving you his details. If you want to know if he really is interested then ask him out. Everything else is just bullshit unless you're somehow able to read minds.
Just him back and ask him if he'd like to go to that DJ with you.
How hard is that? Stop over-thinking everything. Stop looking for permission from books and stop trying to do things according to the rules in that book.
Do what feels right based on what you want. If you want a date ask him out on one. OP we men aren't hard to figure out at all. All you have to do is keep it simple. We wouldn't give you our details if there wasn't interest. We wouldn't agree to a date if there wasn't interest. We wouldn't keep seeing you if we didn't like you. What more do you need?
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A
female
reader, Alison1983  +, writes (30 December 2013):
I think maybe your over thinking this slightly...... there are so many rules about not contacting a guy for so long as not to appear 'desperate' or 'over eager' but in my experience these rules just over complicate things...... through the rule book out the window - trust me!He ended the night by saying hit me up sometime, even suggesting a movie..... thats practically asking for a date but giving you an easy out if your not interested, so when he does hear from you for two weeks he probably assumes that you have taken that easy out.Your text to him was not specific enough to show that your asking him out..... where is the extra line saying 'do u want to come?' The reply being immediate is a very good sign though, it means he's interested.My advice is to send he a text back asking him to go with you.... bite the bullet and take the plunge it might just be worth it x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2013): I gather, you want to be the 'lady' and allow men to be the 'man' in any new dating situation, so: 1. When he said "hit me up sometime, you have my info".. you make sure he has your info and tell him to do the same. Then you wait for HIM to contact you.2. If he was really 'into' you, he would make sure he had your info, so he could definitely get back in touch with you.3. He had a great time with you, but he didn't seem that serious about making sure he saw you again. When a man really wants to see you, he will make sure he sees you again.4. You text and told him about a DJ and that you were going with mates. He had no where to go with that, but tell you it sounds like a good night. He was not going to invite himself to go along with you and your mates, and since you were already going with mates, he wasn't going to ask you to change your plans for him.5. Don't text him back. He now has your contact details if he didn't before. Let him contact you IF he is interested. Keep cool, relax, don't chase after a man that isn't putting any effort in to see you. If you are ever unsure about how keen a man is... then safely assume he isn't. A man that is keen will make sure you know, nothing will keep him away. Don't make any more excuses! If he wants your heart, then let him earn it.6. He replied quickly, which is a good sign, but from now on... let him arrange to see you.
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