A
female
age
30-35,
*rittany11
writes:SInce the time I started dating to now I've never per say had a successful relationship. I have never broken up with a guy but every guy I have been with has broken up with me. I've never been able to figure out why but I have thought of some possible reasons. Back in October I was introduced (by one of my closest friends) to this very nice, what seemed to be professional, guy. He is in the army and is 25. We had started talking and after a while he had asked me to be his girlfriend. It was kind of complicated because I go to school about 150 miles away from where he is stationed. One day he drove up to see me, took me to a movie and then to the melting pot. He did a 4 course meal and spent well over $200 on our date. I told him he was welcome to stay the night since driving back was so far. He stayed in my room and we cuddled and made out but we never had sex. He sent me a txt message about a week later saying he didn't think we should be together because he wasn't in the place to have a relationship. We had a date planned for that night and we decided we would still go as friends. RIght before he canceled on me saying he didn't feel it was a good idea to be around each other. Later that night he was txting me, calling me babe saying he missed me. He kept going back and forth, I still felt in some sense we were together. Two days later I received a call from my friends ex-boyfriend (the one who introduced me to my boyfriend). I had never met this guy but I had heard about him from my friend. He had told me about my friend being all over my boyfriend in front of him. Anyways, long story short, he was cheating on me with her the whole time we were together. They have been dating since and after dating for 3 months he asked her to marry him. On a side note she is still in high school and he is 25.Well, shortly after all this happened, my friends ex-boyfriend (we call him D) asked me if I would like to hang out. He felt that this whole thing was really hard on me and I needed to surround myself with better people. He had asked one of his friends (we call him Jay) to start talking to me on facebook. So I made 2 new friends. A couple weeks later we all went to hang out. At first it was awkward for me, I was sitting here with these 2 guys I had never met before and I can be quite shy. Shortly after Jay had told me that he liked me. I asked him why and he told me: you seem a little lost in life at the moment but purely sheer curiosity and you are really pretty. I tried to avoid his liking at first cause I was terrified of getting hurt. But he was persistent in showing his interest. He helped me get through what my friend did and he told me everything was going to be okay. After talking for a couple weeks I finally asked if he would like to go to a movie with me. We had both decided it would be best to be friends first, he had told me that the best relationships are those that grow out of friendships. The movie was fun, we had a whole group of friends there with us. He asked if I would like to go to his house the next day so I did. We decided to put on a movie at his place. He had asked me to sit with him, I figured cuddling was okay. About halfway through the movie he kissed me and we ended up getting a little too worked up. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and I told him I don't sleep with people I'm not in a relationship with. About five minutes later he looked at me and asked if I would be with him and I said yes. He had asked if I wanted to wait to have sex and I said yes. He wanted to know why I wanted to wait and I told him that I didn't want to get hurt. He looked at me and said that he wasn't going to hurt me and he didn't even need to promise that he wasn't going anywhere cause there was no way he was leaving. I gave into him and slept with him. We spent most of our time together for about the next month. He would go out of his way to see that I was happy. He would send me the cutest things and always told me he missed me. He made me feel like the princess I never was. We would have hour long conversations about trust and life. He took my heart. But all of a sudden, when it was time for me to go back to school he broke up with me. He had claimed that he wanted to get to know me better as a friend before we jumped into something serious. Even so, we still acted like we were together. He still called me babe, I still slept over at his house and he would still randomly call to say he loved me. His friend, D (which by the way is his best friend), was constantly saying mean thing about Jay to me. I didn't feel it was right so I told Jay what he was saying (it was really mean stuff like Jay is a jerk who has nothing going for himself, hes lazy... etc). Jay got really mad at me and told me he never wanted to speak to me again. Jay has been angry about it for 2 months now. Jay and D are no longer friends. I am no longer D's friend. Jay and I got back onto talking terms but he told me he only wanted to be friends and nothing more. It was really hard for me to hear that. At first I told him no. I couldn't handle seeing him with other girls when I still love him so much. And, I recently told him we can be friends (I decided to give it a shot). Last night Jay, a friend of ours and myself went to a movie and it went well. I later asked Jay if maybe he just wanted to do some sexual things and he looked at me and said that he didn't feel as strongly towards me as I do him. I even just mentioned doing it as friends with benefits and he said maybe another time. The odd thing is, he used to be crazy about me. I feel like maybe somewhere along the way I started just trying to be what he wanted rather than just being myself... what I didn't realize was, it was being myself that he loved in the first place. I feel like everything is destroyed and there's no way to have what we had back. He changed my life in a way no one has. Everyone keeps telling me he isn't worth it and that I should move on, but a part of me won't let go. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just in denial and infatuated with him. Sometimes I think I'm missing a big part of the story. Not to add, he has not moved on to anyone else to my knowledge. Any opinions or suggestions on what to do? Is it possible to have him back or am I just waiting for something that is never going to happen? I'm having a really hard time seeing this man I love so much as just a friend.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 I really believe you can do without someone like him in you life in any capacity, he really doesn't deserve your friendship let alone anything more than that.
I'd cut any ties you have with him and move on the best you can.
A
female
reader, brittany11 +, writes (21 March 2010):
brittany11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone...
I have to agree I think the only way to get a relationship to last these days is to wait a while to have sex, it's the only way to prove if that person cares enough to wait for you. I guess he is one of those types where it is hard to not give in because he is a "sweet talker."
Anyways he decided to call me poisonous last night and told me that I have to earn his respect but rather I demand it. I tried to answer but now he is ignoring me... maybe it's for the better. I feel like my whole relationship with him was fake and a joke in his eyes, and sometimes I think he cheated on me. In all honesty I'm not sure he's even worth friendship if he is going to continue to act like a womanizer. I find it odd he can never say anything bad to my face, it has always been over the phone, I'm not sure if that may mean anything?? Anyways, I'm finding it really hard to not talk to him and move on but I am trying my best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): The way you start is the way you finish most times. This guy was lying to you from day one and he will continue to lie to you on day two, three, four, five and etc. I think it would be in your best interest to leave him, cry, heal your broken heart and emotions and prepare yourself for the REAL man God has for you.
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A
male
reader, unwind +, writes (21 March 2010):
Guys subconsciously place you in two categories . . . first category - the fun type gal for going out occasionally and having sex or the second category - the serious, relationship type gal. If you invite him to your place that early, you will be placed in the first category.
Another quick point . . . he is sending way too many mixed messages . . . you have to firmly tell him what you WANT and emphasize what you think he is doing wrong. If you do not want to be just friends, tell him you do not. Say something like "while I respect your opinion, I do not see us as friends and I would never use that label. I see us as (this is where you complete the sentence)." In other words, the typical phase is that two people date (even though they may not be bf/gf, they still do not consider themselves friends at this point).
Lastly, if you are having sex with him, you should stop instantly. If so, he will see you as a "friend with benefits."
Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Maybe you should stay away from love for a while. Sometimes guys can sense if a woman is truly looking for love and to be loved. This is a weak factor in you maybe ..? They will do anything and everything to seem like that are the "one" for you. So you don't give it up they get up and go. Not to trash em but they sound like dogs to me. Maybe it's best to stay away from them and focus on what you want and what'll make you happen. Instead of following their lead all the time, why not be up front when you meet a guy and tell me straight up that you're looking for something serious in the long run if you do hook up.
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (21 March 2010):
I don't think trying to be friends with someone so soon after the relationship ending is a good idea as it can feel and slip into seeming like the relationship never ended and feelings continue and people get hurt.
I would distance yourself from him and the friendship until you're ready to be able to deal with it instead of being in it hoping for more.
You should never sell yourself short, settle or offer some kind of sexual favours just to be close to someone in someway/anyway, you are worth so much more.
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