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male
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*rizer
writes: Hi,I have dating this girl for the past 5 months. It was love at first sight for both of us, but in the last 3 to 4 days it feels like the buzz has gone. When I say "I love you" to her it doesn't feel the same. I don't want to leave her cause I can still feel something deep down inside me and I know that she still loves me.Is this normal for me to feel this way, or what can I do?ThanksBriain Reply to this Question
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (23 September 2005):
 Your kidding right? Do you really think that any cool new anything will remain new and novel forever? It is deeply misguided to think that that is love.
Real love has nothing to do with the first feelings. So you both fell into lust. Love requires an intimate knowledge of another and knowing full well how annoying they can be, you love them all the more. And even thought they did this or that, you feel a bond and after dealing with it, you love them more.
Chemical reactions to someone else is not love. But if you sense something deeper in you and she has not proven to be completely wrong or immoral or mean spirited, welcome to the second phase on your path to real love.
I won't scare you with phase 2, this is where the boys become men but to give you a hint, Stage 1 involves lying to each other by being impossibly perfect cause you LOOOOve them so. Both do it willingly and don't mean to be deceptive but it is not normal behavior to say the least.
Stage 2 involves reality. Because we built such a large happily-ever-after illusion for and with them, we now will see the truth peek its ugly head and ruin everything. Chemistry is replaced with disillusionment. This is the most important phase though. Accept that all people are looking for the "1". This is usually someone who meets their every need and "completes" them. Problem is that we all have the same definition and no one wants to BE the 1.
So try not to assign any meaning or motives to feelings at this point. If you care about her and still don't want to run for the hills, don't. There is no need to be high on lust at all times.
And don't think that the lust feelings are the only way to good sex. Just wait till stage 3! Good God, is it worth the wait!!
Good luck and have some fun.
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reader, pops +, writes (23 September 2005):
NO. Something inside you is telling you that there are real problems between the two of you. Figure out what they are, and then talk them over with her. If you can't get the " buzz " back, move on. One of you is not right for the other.
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