A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distance relationship for around 10 months but we've known each other for a year. We met on an online game we play. We started as just gaming buddies but then over a couple months we got to know each other, we called and video chatted a lot, etc. We both started to really like each other and eventually decided to be together, we were both totally fine with the long distance/online relationship and we both took it seriously. We had promised to meet when we both could get off work and when we both had enough money saved for our visit. 2 weeks ago I ended up driving to go see him and his family at their home as he was able to get off work and they had invited me and wanted to meet me. I stayed there for 4 days. Him and I had a good time together, we went out for dinner and to the beach, we took his nephews to the zoo, him and his family seem to really like me. Well ever since I left and came back home he seemed distant, and then a couple days later we video chatted and he broke up with me and was very upset about it. He said he was very sorry but after our visit together he felt as if we weren't really right for each other. He wouldn't explain further. I was very shocked as before I left he told me he had a great time with me and he didn't want me to leave. Now I'm an over weight woman, but he knew this from the beginning because we sent pics and video chatted, even talked about it. I don't know if maybe after we were together he decided he was turned off by my weight in person? I just don't understand why he would do this. Yes we were long distance but we talked everyday and had a great relationship from what I thought. He never had any problems until after our visit. What do you think happened?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 September 2015):
 There are only two reasons here, and I'm gravitating greatly towards my gut instinct.
When you were there for 4 days, did the two of you have sex?
If the answer is YES, then it's obvious that you were a conquest. They usually draw out longer when they're conducted online versus in real life. As old as time - guy conducts long-range relationships, they meet, there's sex, then gone.
If the answer is NO, then he either is interested in someone else, or he couldn't get past the JARRING. No matter what you look like, there's always the period of disorientation between online persona and in person. Our minds fill in the missing parts with fantasy, and some people can't put it together.
The closest thing I can get to it is - do you read fiction? You know that a lot of times, when books are read by readers, they are often the most critical of movie or TV adaptations because the imagined characters and motives in their minds didn't match the casting job or mannerisms by the actors.
Either way - it sucks, but chalk it up to a miss and move on. AND - don't have sex on a first meeting!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): Online is not the same as real life. When I did online dating I chatted with someone for ages I really liked them, I liked their pictures etc when I met them in person there was just nothing there. I learnt no matter how much you talk online you won't really get the feel of them without meeting. Equally I have met people who are not my type at all and yet been completely fasinated with them for almost no reason I can think of. There is definetly an 'x' factor involved in being attracted to someone and its not something that can come across without being physically in each others company. Stick to meeting people in real life eary on before embarking on a relationship and you will no from the start and not have you feelings strung out this way.
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