A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Never thought I was bad at being on top (straight female, early 30s), as I've had my share of experience with it, and have definitely had some fun with it (such as a past partner and I cumming at the same time while I've been on top). I'm with a new guy, we've been dating and sleeping together for a few weeks now. We've had some really great, fun sex, but we've also had a few "mishaps." He seems to be unsatisfied with what I'm doing up there... I change my rhythm/movements a bit, as I will either get tired from doing one thing (should I be doing more squats??), or I'm playing around to find what's most stimulating at that moment. Not only does he get frustrated that I keep changing things (he asks me to stick with a tempo), but he's also slipped out a few times (ouch!!!!), which is making it that much more frustrating. I want him to be having a good time. But also, I'm in part up there with the idea that this is my turn to cum (and then he will after from his preferred position), but don't want to be selfish. I'm trying to find the perfect balance with this guy so where I get mine (and I do what I need to do to get there, with his help...yay hands!), but also want to make sure that he's enjoying the ride, as well. What's going on!!??Tips, suggestions, feedback and all the whatnots???
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): Have you talked to him about it? Don't be defensive, keep it light.
If he has slipped out a few times I can see why he might want to avoid long you-on-top sessions. It's also possible that he can't come in that position and he's hoping for some 'come at the same time' syncing.
One obvious thing for you to try is to face the other direction while on top.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2015):
 It's pretty obvious what's going on here. It's also fixable, so I'm optimistic about it.
In sex, there's never "I, me, him, he". It's "we". No one engages in a dance where both people leads with their own dance steps at different rhythms. Like a dance, sex is where both people meld together and find a sensation unique to both.
You know what's worked for you in the past. He knows what's worked for him in the past. You may have to both find something new that works with you both in the present.
I get what you mean - in an "on top "position", you can better control your own sensation and rhythm. This guy you're with is most likely smaller than your last partner, hence the falling out. By the way - bent penis is extremely painful!
Try getting solo orgasms from different positions. Try standing up. On your side. On your back. In a recliner. In water. Let your body get used to getting there without the need for set positions. It will work out different muscles in your core and body. Kegels are a great idea as well.
Hopefully, you can also convince your guy to become a lot more adventurous as well. Tell him you want to try new unique things with him, and see if he has any fantasies as well (within reason!). You can turn this around!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2015): Welll rhythm is key, if you keep switching it whenever you feel insecure none of you are ever going to get off
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