A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this acquaintance I went to school with. We have hung out a few times but she thinks we are a lot closer than I do, and she texts me a bit to check in and asks to get together. Honestly she’s very sweet but we don’t have much in common. When we have hung out, we end up talking about the same 5 things or else she just talks about her boyfriend and their sex life which is TMI. I know some people will just tell me to be honest and say I don’t want to hang out anymore, but that’s really hard for me as I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Is there a good excuse I can use to get out of seeing her or texting so much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2022): You don't need an excuse, you can just be less available.
You can decrease your reliance on your phone.
Fail to promptly return texts and be unavailable to meet when she tries to arrange it.
To be honest it takes a fair bit of effort and determination to keep up with other people these days as everyone has very busy lives and maximum commitments which devour peoples social time.
She may be making an enormous effort to keep in touch with you for old times sake but she also may not be feeling that ' instant-yet-long-standing' connection that people desire.
So possibly the best thing to do is to let it drift.
Put greater time gaps into responding.
Alternatively tell her: ' honey you bore me to death. I don't give a damn about your boyfriend or sex life.'
Or try the third route where you fix up an event: such as a trip to see an opera or comedy show or horse race etc where you tell her 'This is for us! Let's not spoil it by talking about sex or your other half. Let's just try to enjoy the film- opera - horse racing - art gallery-car-boot sale, historical building- abseiling-whitewater rafting, bonfire, protest march, silent disco,at
Or invite her to church where no talking is allowed.
It's just a case of time management or friendship management act!
Being considered very sweet by your own peer group is a bit of a put-down but if the friendship isn't working for you then you are under no obligation to continue with it.
She will make new friends so stop feeling guilty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2022): I wouldn't say anything. I would take longer to reply to the texts and be much more unavailable for meet ups. You don't have to say why, except you're busy. If you want, you can think up some things you can be busy with, evening classes, other friends, relatives, work, hobbies etc. Just think, if you really did decide to learn Spanish, to dance, to paint, to write, for example, you really would be too busy to meet up. Just believe it when you tell her why you're pushed for time and hope she takes the hint. Good luck.
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