A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyoneWell ive decided to write to you to see if i can get a few answers/pointers on how to be off any help to my little sis. You see she has been diagnosed with cancer six months ago. Shes been trough chemo and radiation and taking pills. She been better for a few weeks now and is so happy to be home after being hospitalised for a very long time. Its been real tough on her altough she is putting up a brave face and always smiling and hardley ever complaining. You see the thing is that her down time is at night, when mom and dad is upstairs and its just me and her, and then she knows that she doesnt have to keep up a brave face with me and she can just let go and really show her fear and just be the little sis that she is surpose to be.Ive told her that she doesnt have to be brave all the time, but she dont want to let mom and dad always worry about her she say that they need rest aswell.so ive promised sis that i will be there for her everyday but especially at night times when she seem to have lots of questions and lots of tears and fears.now my question is that altough im there for her and hold her when i know she needed it the most, and talking to her about the cancer and everything els in life and about dolls and books and anything she can think about, i feel and i know that theres more that i can do for her than what im already doing. ive talked to her therapist and she said that what im doing is fine = but it feels to me as if im missing something! that there must be more that i can do to try and make things better for her and to give her the chance to be a kid like she is surpose to be ! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Your sister has been throught a life altering experience at a very young age, bless her. It will have been a very worrying time for all of you. When these things happen we generally rise to the occasion and somehow get through it. Then after the initial panic and fear has subsided, we deal with all the things we bottled up during the worst of times. What your sister is doing now, is to work through everything she went through in her own way and at her own pace. Turning to you for help so that your parents can have some time to relax is very wise of her. It will be hard for you because you will want to do everything you can to help her. Thats so understandable. But you are already doing what she needs you to do, by being there for her and allowing her to share her feelings and thoughts with you. Thats a huge help. Shes talking to you in ways she probably couldnt or wouldnt want to talk to your parents. You dont have any idea just how much you are already helping! Feeling that its safe and ok for her to talk and cry when she wants to is theraputic for her. She saved all her feelings and was brave for so long. Now she can share the burden of all those emotions with you. It will lighten her mind immeasurably. Ask her what you can do to help. She will tell you what she needs. Make your time together very positive, watched comedy films and laugh together. Create things, whether its a jigsaw puzzle or pictures. Think of any hobbies that will capture her interest and give her mind something pleasant to dwell on. Its all the little 'together' things you can do that will keep her occupied and happy. Maybe let her share your room so shes not on her own at night. But most of all, dont neglect yourself. You must look after yourself so you have the energy to look after your sister. Thats very important. So go for a stroll sometimes or have a relaxing bath. Meet up with your friends, talk to someone about how YOU feel. It sounds as if you are being a wonderful sister but dont stop thinking about your needs too. I hope your sister is fully recovered very soon. Best wishes to you both x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 I agree with your therapist you are being there for her and she obviously trusts you enough to open up to you which is great, you should be very happy that she has you and keep doing the great job that you are doing.
Off course it is tough on her she is only a child and no child deserves to go through that but she is lucky to have you and its also hard on you and your parents as well so make sure you take time out on your own for your own stress and worries. Just be positive around her and let her talk and cry and answer her questions the best you can, am sure you are doing a great job and you should be very proud of yourself.
If you feel that you want to cheer her up a little bit then take her out and do things with her, go to the movies or to the park. Things that you both could enjoy doing together.
Goodluck.
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