A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Ex went to Spain a week ago. When he was about to leave to board his flight,he text me to say that he was on his way to Spain. When he returned he called me asking if he could meet out in the area where I live. He said that he had bought some gifts back for me, a bracelet and a rosary.Anyway at that time I was getting ready to go out with some friends. I told him well right now my hair is wet and I am not dressed.I asked him what time were you planning on and where do you want to meet. He said it didn't matter somewhere in my location and said something about having his son.I told him that I could try to meet him later somewhere, before I went out.Next thing I know I get a text that said nevermind I will just keep my son then.It was as if he were angry. I called him and said what's wrong with you are you mad. He said,"I ask if I could meet you and you wanna throw me crazy like that, your all busy." But when he asked to meet I just thought he wanted to meet to drop the stuff off because we never get together to hang out.I figured he wanted to meet me somewhere due to the fact that I recently moved and knows how private I am and that I don't bring men around my son. Plus the way he asked I was under the impression that he had his son for the night.So I ended up meeting him. What he wanted was to actually meet and talk and have a couple of drinks with me as well as give me the gifts. Why didn't he just come out and say that? At the end of the night due to a little drinking I allowed him to kiss me and some fooling around like just kissing my breast and neck but no sex. He drove home and called me to stay on the phone with my till we both were home safely been talking over the phone and texting each other more lately. The other day I came out and asked him over text very bluntly what it is he wants. I asked if he wanted to work things out.I told him that means you and I,that means you can't decieve me and play your games and be with other people. My reason for asking was that I don't know what he wants or why he acts the way he does with me. I'm moving on with my life and I don't need him coming to me with his deception. I need him to tell me so that I know what I need tob do. I told him just tell me Yes you do or no you don't. I told him your not going to hurt my feelings, as you know very well my strength, I'm a big girl. I guess I just want to know so I can keep him at a safe distance out of my life.But he never answered the question. When we were out that night he told me that he's growing up that he is trying to change.Yesterday he text me again. In one of my text to him I told him of the way he treated me when we were together.How he would get angry with me for no reason and say ugly things to me and yell at me out of the blue. He was cheating on me and that is why he displayed those actions. Now I know that.At that time I didn't understand his actions but now I know why. Anyway, he got mad at me and told me not to text him anymore.What should I do guys? What does this guy want from me. Why does he act this way?I was with him for 5 years. He cheated on me with several people from what I learned.He is 38 years old. He knows me very well, my intelligence, that I don't take any crap, and that I'm by far stupid at all.Not to sound arrogant but I am a beautiful woman very attractive on the outside as well as inner.I'm very big on morals, values and being a lady at all times.He knows all this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Well I have to agree with you on how mothers can see things daughters can't. My mom was right on how she said I would end up dumping my ex and that he was taking advantage of me. My ex has problems and his constant cheating is something I don't want to be a part of. What I felt after dumping him was just hurt more than anything else because I gave him time and supported him. Do I hate him? Not really, just that he will get what he deserves at some time in his life. Its funny how the person says they'll change for you and try to hold onto you as long as they can. Many don't change, and go back to themselves after some time. Anyways, I believe you are a smart, strong woman and that a better person will come along.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Nice to know you don't have any hate toward him (you found forgiveness); that's cool.
We all have our own emotinal hurt/issues but some get a little more intertwined into their personalities. Hope you find something really nice!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo,I won't settle and am not able to work around deception,of him being with other people while with me. I deserve better and expect respect as I give it. Now it has been a year and 3 months since I caught him at his house in his bedroom with another girl.In which lead to us breaking up.So I have been able to have the time I needed to get through that horrible and hurtful experience and I've forgiven him.
I don't feel hate anymore actually I don't think I've ever felt hate toward him like that not even after the way he treated me and the way he conducted himself with me when I caught him. I can't explain that, one would think I would hate him. But no I didn't. I just felt so much hurt than anything else. People expected me to hate him and say ugly things about him. Or thought that by them putting him down in my presence for doing what he did would help. I would look at these people and explain that I didn't hate him or wish the worst for him. I would tell them that I just loved him that much and wished nothing but the best for him. He knows this, he knows how I felt and about my statements.
You mentioned his child hood. I know that as a child his mother and father never hugged or said I Love You in front of he and his brithers and sisters. He opened up and told me this when we were a couple. His sister also said that to me,and I've never heard him say those words either.As for affection he would show it but mostly behind closed doors.
I don't know. Its funny that you state that because my mom always said to me, that something was wrong with him.I would look at her and say mom what are you talking about. She would say that she didn't know but that she thought he needed to go talk to a councelor get kind of help. I use to tell my mom that she was crazy. She just said that she felt like he had issues that kept him from opening up fully. Its funny how mothers see things their sons or daughters don't.
Thanks
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male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 OK this post is very, very long and I got as far as the drink driving and using cell phones whilst driving and gave up. Anyone who actually cares about someone, would not let them do either as it is a major cause of death on the roads!
right I made it all the way to the end at last!
Well you say you don't take any crap, so don't get back in touch with him and use your inner and outer beauty to find a guy that will treat you right!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): He is doing this to mess around with your head. Cheaters are after their own self gratifications and they don't consider your feelings. It is about them and they will be the ones blaming you for doing wrong things. So as you say, you are quite intelligent, so best thing to do is ignore him and do not accept any gifts, etc. I highly doubt he wants to work things out, as it didn't work between you two and the second try doesn't usually work either. If he can keep you as a back up, he will try and he is doing this by messing around with your mind through gifts, saying he cares and then getting mad, etc. Cut him out of your life, as hard as it is because you will be thankful later down the road. So take no more crap, don't call him or let him get close to you. If he keeps calling you and trying to get in touch with you, make yourself unavailable. You are beautiful inside and out, and deserve a lot better then what he is giving you. Not giving him attention will frustrate him and he will have to move onto the next target who will respond to them. It is like he never had an effect on you, and it means they lost the game they are playing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): I wonder if he has Borderline Personality Disorder (read about it and see what you think???)
Good people (good in that they are truly doing the best they can do) can some times he hardwired to be a certain way due to their chihhold, etc.
It is like you don't have to be angry at a scorpion for stinging b/c that is what scorpions do, but you don't have live with one either. The end result is it may be he is what he is (can you work around it; can he get help - if he wants it); if not find somebody more appropriate. Good luck.
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