A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here goes.....This may be quite lengthy so bare with me.....Okay I work with this lady and she is ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! (in my eyes anyway!) I'm not bad looking myself and there has always been a physical attraction between us. We knew each other to say, "Hi! How are you?" and that was about it. Anyway about 7 or 8 weeks ago she came to my department because she needed something. Work related. Not important. We got talking and she told me she was going to Dubai for two weeks, etc, etc. Anyway right out of nowhere she asked me if I was seeing anybody. I said, "No", and I asked her the same thing and I got the same response - "No". At first I thought - What the hell?! Where did that come from? I thought maybe it was nothing and she was just making conversation.Anyway I left it that and off she went to Dubai. When she came back she looked AMAZING! I was sitting in the work cafeteria with friends. I saw her and she saw me and she winked at me and came over to talk to me. I asked her how it was and she told me she had a great time! I said to her she'd have to show me the photos and she joked they were censored. She went off to join her friends and once again I was like "What just happened"? Even my friends said she was into me! Anyway that day I went to see her in her department and I gave her my number and told her if she fancied going for a drink sometime give me a call. That same night she did. We made plans for the Friday night and we went out. It was a GREAT night. We talked, we joked, it was really good fun! I was surprised at how well we did get on. Anyway at the end of the night we had a cuddle and just a little kiss on the lips.The following day she text me to say how much fun she'd had. We then made plans for the following Friday. Anyway mid way through the week she called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a function on Saturday. I said, " Aren't we going out on Friday, and isn't this too much too soon?" She got a little upset then I agreed to go. The Friday night came and we were much more touchy-feely. The end of the night came. Or what I thought was, but she invited me back to her place. We went back and as much as I wanted to sleep with her I put her to bed and I slept on the sofa. I thought I did the gentlemanly thing as I really like this lady and didn't want her to think that's all I was after. The following day was really natural and it was like we were a couple. That night we were at the function and again she looked so BEAUTIFUL! She introduced me to her BEST FRIENDS! Once again I thought this was a bit too much, but once again I went with it. We were both touchy-feely again and her friends told me this was a big deal for her. She told me she'd booked a taxi for 1 in the morning for all of us. Which I was cool with. Anyway when the taxi came her friends got in and just as we were about to she turned around gave me a kiss and said, "Goodnight" and off she went. I stood in the street in shock! I couldn't believe what had happened! I went back to my place and I was a little annoyed at the way I felt I'd been treated! But I let it go! The following day she text me and told me how much of a gentleman I had been and that she really liked me.We made plans again to go for something to eat last week and the conversation got a little serious. She told me she'd been messed about in the past and that she wanted to take things slow and just be friends, but she really does like me. I said I understand, but at the same time I was thinking it's you that's been coming on strong! Anyway that night I walked her home and gave her a kiss. She text me the next day to tell me again she had a great time. However I didn't reply for two days because she told me she wanted to slow down. After my text she told me that she had been "agitated" because I hadn't been in touch sooner. Then she told me again she wanted to slow things down and it was starting to bother her about us working together . I told her it has nothing to do with anyone else and I reassured her that I wasn't going to mess her about! Now she says she just wants to be friends and see where it goes, but she is into me!I really like this lady but WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! Thanks in advance to all that respond!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): Now what do I do?She nows says that she just wants to be friends but still wants to go out together. I've told her I like her but she says she's not ready for a relationship because then it gets complicated! I've now really fallen for her in a big way! I've told her I'm not going to mess her about and told her I like her, but do I tell her how much! I really don't want to scare her off! She doesn't want me out of her life because she's told me she does like me a lot! I'm so confused! Does she just want me as a friend or does she want to make sure it's gonna' work between us? Is she just messing me about? Do I just forget about her and get on with my life! Which would be really hard at the moment. Ladies please help??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): yes, we do the chick thing of analyze and reanalze. She probably did that all night while you snored on her couch! Lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): yes, we do the chick thing of analyze and reanalze. She probably did that all night while you snored on her couch! Lol
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (16 October 2009):
whoa slow down buddy. realize the order of things between men and women. when a girl digs you its not really ur place to try and play it cool unless you really are uncomfortable with the pace which things are progressing. what u done by saying its a bit soon is you said "i want you to chase me". may not have been ur intention but that is prob the vibe she got. now that she isn't chasing you ur all confused and starting to play games. women wanna be chased not be the chaser. look at it this way. if you were gonna propose marriage wudnt u want that to be ur moment and not have sum1 steal ur thunder? same thing. saying things are moving too fast or that she want more is her thunder. you just have to decide if that's wut u want. now she thinks ur a gentleman. dsnt look like she was looking for a gentleman she wanted a man who wud take control. if a woman says you are such a gentleman you can pretty much assume she not looking for a gentleman. in other words what a woman says verbally is diff frm wut she really wants. if u are wut she wants she not gonna say it you will just know by how she is around you. my advice? ignore the hell out of her. stop being a pushover and if she comes back and offers to sleep with you? unless u have some moral that u dnt want to violate be a man and step up and take it. forget trying so hard to be a gentleman. did u really expect her to say "aww he didn't sleep with he must be the man of my dreams". no she may have felt like you rejected her. good luck man
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (16 October 2009):
 Yes she's really into you but playing it cool and hard to get. I would imagine she has been messed around before and probably had her heart broken so is a bit wary and wants to ensure that it doesn't happen again. If I were you I would text her and ask her out for dinner. She sounds lovely. I would have been miffed about the taxi too but maybe you all live in different directions or maybe she thought she might come across as cheap if you came home with her again. I don't know but I wouldn't let it bother you. The thrill is in the chase and it is going well so carry on as you are. I would say that if she asks you to something to not say this is all a bit too much too soon, too heavy type comment as that might make her feel you are not as much in to her as she had hoped. Have fun!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): I think this girl has been hurt before and she is just being careful. You need to set the record strieght and reassure her that you are not going to hurt her in anyway. Also that you respect her wishes about taking it slow. Its always a little scary when you are in a new relationship. I say give it some time if it dose not turn into anythig then move on.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): she is into you. She is all over the place trying to be what you want but the fact is she is into you. She lets it show and when you give the "lets take it slow" talk she backs off out of fear that she is coming on tooo strong and that she is scaring you off. She's not sure what to do with you, in my opinion. She made the bolder moves and you are giving mixed signals in return. You go out, have fun, she invites you to stay. You do on the couch. You sleep at her house...and then you tell her that 2 dates in 1 wk is too fast. She is clueless...as am i! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): damn man this chicks got you stressed.... i know I been in a similar situation, still am.my opinion is that you should have had sex with her instead of sleeping on the couch if you really wanted things to go down. i know man i made a mistake like that once and it stung later down the road. i think that move probably turned her off or at least confused her. its not your fault so dont blame yourself for anything because i think you are doing the right thing by questioning the speed of how things are going. also you need to be aware of how she is in some ways forcing you already to react to her wants and needs by her fits. this chick is sending you some weird signals and she is being very needy and even demanding up front which signals trouble down the road. If you are already having this much difficulty in this stage then you really are not comfortable with whats going on. You better wear a condom and make sure you have a depth chart to rely on, don't put all your hopes and dreams and desires into this one chick.I think your biggest vulnerability is your fatal attraction to her. I vote you take a step back and slow down and be friends or you go for it and just hook up with this chick because she's hot but nothing more. Either way all I see is trouble down the road for you.
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