A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone! im 26 year old still single but had a boyfriend forr a year right now.a clear suggestion would be of use in my case, please help. im still living with my family with my 3brothers their wives and their child..to sum it up were all living in one roof with my parents.Just recently my father get angry with me with one of our conversation telling me to leave if il be against with his rules already, and he yelled at me saying that everything that ive been given to them,i mean money was never been of help to them.My father has a lot of child to different women and his afraid that everything that he had done to them will come back to me,thats why he's very protective that in a way it hurting me, like he's saying that its better for me to get married an old american man with money and go abroad and just now his telling me not to get married or else he will hit me for i must help my brothers first.all he said was for me a selfish acts without considering my own feelings and decisions in life.my bf, on the otherhand, suggested me to get out of my fathers flock and live on my own, i have a work and telling me that he could also support me financially,he's asking me at first to stay with him but i declined for i know that this would be bad in the eyes of everyone for were not yet married and the reason for this is we had a business together to pursue first.my question is; is it better to live independently?im afraid of what my father could tell against me.is my boyfriend right for his suggestions?what would be the great move for me to do. please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): We marry for love not money. You father needs a reality check, he may have produced many children but he has not turned out a good rolemodel nor father by the sounds of it.
You boyfriend makes valid points and offers you a safe, normal, comfortable life - why would you decline this no matter what others may say?
I understand that cultures differ but in the end we all want the same things. To be financially comfortable, to be loved, to be happy and to be in control of our own lives.
Do whatever is necassary to make you happy. Dont marry an old man for money - could you live without love?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): You are in a difficult situation.
Your father appears to be a rather insensitive man who sees you as his passport to improving his financial position by marrying an old man with money. Whether the old man is American or not does not matter. What he is suggesting is to turn you into little more than a prostitute who sends money home to support his extended family.
Marrying an American, or anyone else with money, is not a good idea. These marriages do not last very long, and you will probably find yourself being a domestic slave, not a proper wife.
There are some strange men who look for a wife from the Phillipines. Why can't they find a wife from their own culture? This is because they are not suitable for marriage in their own country. Some are simply paedophiles looking for a much younger woman.
What have you done in the past that your father could use against you that would make a difference to you staying or leaving?
You have your own life to live. You cannot be expected to pay for your father's mistakes. You did not ask to be born and have him for a father. If your father cannot support his family that is his fault, not yours. Do not do anything which will make you unhappy.
Phil
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (13 October 2007):
 If you are finacially independant to live on your own and if it doesn't put you in an awkward situation socially in your society as a whole, then moving to your own place could be a good idea. But if you can do this only with economic support from your boyfriend, then maybe better stay put until you earn enough by yourself or feel ready to marry someone you like and trust. Don't go from dependancy on your father to dependancy on your boyfriend, then father is better choice. Even if he seems selfish to you now, he still wants the best life for you it seems, your boyfriend could find someone else and then leave you with no support.
If you can move out and live by your own means, you can still help your brothers and your father and they can see that you are still caring about them and then hopefully your father will be less protective and realize he has to consider your feelings and decisions about how to live your life.
Good luck, wish you all the best!
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