A
female
age
36-40,
*eldana
writes:Hey, broke up with a guy for about 7 months now. thing is I have been having dreams. Like today I dreamt about how he broke down in front of my house (and this guy moved back to his home town in Pittsburgh while I live near philly) and he said "oh god, I had to break down in front of your house" Well, this gave me the chance to ask him "why did you use me like you did? Didn't we have something special? it's at this point he said "You were my transition point, Things I needed you to get where I wanted" (ok backround on the guy, he owned his own business which he often bragged about to me but he gave up to move back home. He was 12 years older then me, used to do coke, smoked heavily, was divorced cause his first wife left him, was tattooed, lost his drivers license due to unpaid tickets which he paid to be with her and finally has a kid on the way with a woman who has 2 kids from a previous marriage) (he was also cheating on me with this girl he's with now. After he broke up with me, and I do mean right after :like 2 days after he was on fb saying that he was in a relationship) So I have been pretty good with staying away from his account but we had mutual friends. After hearing that I was a stepping point to where he wanted to be I tried to go after him but the dream ends and I wake up crying. Why did I have this dream when I have been pretty good about not contacting him, not pressuring him for answers, got a new boyfriend after 2 days of being broken up and have taken up a new hobby.Any ways to stop dreaming about my ex? It's actually starting to interfere with my education so any advice for forgetting him even more would be nice. (I'm 22 in college) What could the dream mean?And finally, cause I am curious... think their relationship will last? (he's grown up a lot since he left, like he's gotten his license back, he's being a good father to the kids, and he's working at a job with benefits. I know cause all our mutual friends keeps me informed on what's going on in his life.
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female
reader, meldana +, writes (13 April 2011):
meldana is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, after the dream iwas miserable. so i sent him a text (his phone was shut off so i had no worries about himseeing it.) basicly i told him what i said in my dreams.
Funny thing about the whole story of him moving back? He had a "heart attack" and didn't tell everyone he was moving back. So I guess you can say that he did it twice to me and once to everyone else.
Well, I guess it's going to take time but the thing is I don't know how long it's suppose to take. He was my first in everything (life, sex, romance) and now it's been a while... just wondering how long it takes to forget lost love...(or love you thought you had but never did)
So anyways. Thanks for all the advice. Please keep them coming.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Well the guy dogged you and since you are not coping with the pain in real life, your mind is dealing with the issue in your dreams. What he did to you was awful and even though you are handling it well, that is very painful stuff he did to you. Just because you can disguise your pain doesn't mean it has disappeared. It still lingers within you. If you want to stop having these dreams you are better off dealing and confronting the issue (which is what is going on in the dream) so that you can get it out of your system and let it go. I don't care how screwed up his life was, when a guy leaves you for another chick and he made it so public without an ounce of concern for you, plus got her pregnant...it doesn't matter how losery he is, that still hurts. Why don't you talk to somebody about what he did to you. You are dreaming about this because your body is trying to make you conscious of your dilemma with this guy so that you are aware of it. Perhaps so that you can vocalise it, deal with it and get it out of your system. Tell a friend. Tell somebody, get it out in the open so that at least you can get it out of your self. And don't talk to him anymore. And don't worry if it will work out or not with this girl. Just worry about getting this guy out of your system.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (12 April 2011):
 When a dream is disturbing enough to wake you up crying - it is something to consider. This man hurt you deeply. You also have unfinished business with him. The dream is an attempt to resolve some of the things about your relationship that did not make sense. You mind was attempting to process it and they way it cam out was that you were "a stepping stone." I think the dream repeats because you haven't completely come to terms with the relationship. You did not heal from it as you started dating someone else right away.
I commend you for moving on so well, however. You are in college and have a new boyfriend. You have moved past this man with all his issues. He with someone now and is tied down with more children. Your future is ahead of you. Keep going on this track!
These dreams will cease once you have resolved this issue in your own mind. My advice is not to act on this thoughts. Dreams are really little more than psychic trash. It is your mind doing a little housecleaning. I do not believe it means you still have romantic feelings for this man.
Best of luck,
TEM
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