A
female
age
30-35,
*eachForTheSky
writes:I was talking to my ex the other day n we were gonna make plans to go hiking just the two of us, n he said he'd have to check w/his new gf to make sure she was cool w/it. n I said ok np, do u think she'd be ok w/it or that its weird since im your ex? (we just broke up maybe 1-1.5 months ago). he said idk. she's pretty cool w/stuff like that. We do our own thing but stay cool. But she can't really control me anyway. I said ok just let me know, n he said ok i will. I hope she is (ok w/it) :)Also, right b4 that we were talkin n i said some of the stuff i wanted to do this summer n listed whitewater rafting. N he volunteered to take me kayaking on the delaware "its not whitewater.... or rafting.... but........." is what he said. Any thoughts? I know im grasping at straws, so i need some people to tell me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore (if that is what you think)
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reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (24 May 2011):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys... Esp BettyBoup... you did make sense. The family difficulties just make it complicated. My family gave me an ultimatum basically, him or them. They were making it very hard to see him and he didn't like lying or keeping secrets from my family. He was willing to try to make it work. But he didn't want me to give up my family. We weren't sure if it was worth it since he'd be away most of the summer. At first I suggested the breakup, then he said no he still wanted to try. But after talking about it we said maybe we should just be friends.
I think he may still care about me bc of what he said above, and on facebook the only things he has done was comment on my status (i was pondering about what haircolor to have n he said i should "let it grow n go back to my natural color bc I have a beautiful head of hair- why not show that off?")but i know he's been on several times since but the only thing he's done is poke me. He also said if I keep poking him he's going to give me a SUPERPOKE and I said POKE! but didn't actually poke him. Then like two days later, he poked me.
On a side note, I can't believe I've become one of those people that wonders if facebook poking really matters...thats just sad.....
I keep feeling like the only reason he got another girlfriend is because we can't be together. The choice of girlfriend is also a little weird to me, bc not to be judgemental or anything, but she's...bigger than his past girlfriends. I know for an absolute fact he doesn't like big girls. (he told me, plus his dating history) She's probably a size 12 or 14 and every other girl he's dated has been at max size 6. This girl is also his sister's friend. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that he's using her, bc he did tell me taht she's sweet so it seems he likes her. But i just get a vibe that its not that serious. Maybe its wishful thinking clouding my judgement idk. But how he said that they basically do their own thing, and that she can't control him doesn't really sound like the start of a serious relationship, that coupled w/the fact she's basically complete opposite of his type, and his sister's friend (making it convenient and making his sister happy) it just seems to me kinda like a rebound relationship.... Does it sound like wishful thinking?
--Also, he may flirt with me, but i doubt that he'd tell me he likes me, and I know he wouldn't act on it even by kissing me or anything. We both regard cheating as absolutely abhorrent. He's a good christian guy w/good morals so even if he wanted to i know he wouldn't. And he knows that if he did cheat w/me I'd never be able to trust him again, which would kinda defeat the purpose of cheating.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I thought so.. As angelDlite says, it is probably a good idea to just come clean and tell him. Put the ball in his court. If it is just a matter of scedules, he has been able to find the time to go hiking with you and kayaking in the furture, so I don't see how he couldn't find enough time to have a relationship with you. Long distance is possible. If he is going away for the summer, this hasn't stopped him from starting a relationship with his girlfriend. Ok so there are family difficulties, you are mature and old enough to have a boyfriend without you family ever knowing. So you could make the relationship work, despite your schedules and difficulties. But you both would have to want this, enough to go to the effort. Was it him that suggested you break off? Perhaps he does like you, but not enough to go out of his way for. It might be easier to be with this other girl.
However, he may still like you, and may want to be with you. But clearly not enough to stop him getting another girlfriend. What I honestly think, (and don't be upset about this, it's just my perspective, I could be wrong) is that he likes you, but not as much as you want him to like you. I think he may try to date you and keep his grilfriend. He may go on a hike with you and tell you he likes you, flirt etc.
I think you deserve more. Either he actually goes to the effort to be your boyfriend, or you can't be friends. Why can't you be friends? Because you like him more than a friend. You will always be lying and pretending if you try to just be friends. Everytime you hang out with him alone, those feelings will be there, and it will eat you up inside. Don't do that to yourself. It may hurt, but if he isn't prepared to make it work to be with you, he's not the guy you want him to be hun. It sucks but there are other guys out there. If he's not who you think he is, the man you have feelings for doesn't actually exist, so its better to move on. But if you do tell him the truth about how you feel, you will know for sure if he is worth it. If he leaves his girlfriend and makes the effort to be with you. If not, you know he's not worth it.
Hope this makes sense!
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 May 2011):
 i see this is a messy situation you are about to get into, so i think you should tell him how you feel (that you like him more than a friend) and then see how he feels. think its a bad idea to keep your feelings to yourself coz 5 years is a long time to have feeling for an ex, i don't see how you will able to be naturally happy hanging out with him and then he goes to his girlfriend. that isn't being true to yourself. also i would not like him to be string you along and maybe try to have both you girls
x
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female
reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (23 May 2011):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for replying twice- I didn't think the first one got submitted--
We haven't hung out since they started dating bc like 2 days after they started going out he went on vacation n just came back. And we've both been crazy busy finishing school for this semester w/finals n stuff, so we haven't hung out.
And yes, I still have feelings for him. I won't act on them bc I know circumstances right now make it nearly impossible to be together n i know he's got a new girlfriend, but they do still exist. They always have. I've had feelings for him since we dated the first time 5 years ago.
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reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (23 May 2011):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys. Thanks for the answers so far. Here's some more info n answers to what you asked:
We were together about three months, although we have known each other 5 years n dated 5 years ago.
We broke up bc of complicated circumstances. Family differences made it very hard to see each other, esp since im still living w/them until i get financially able to move out (im in college so its hard). Plus our schedules made it difficult n he's going to be away most of the summer. So we decided it might be best to just be friends right now.
The relationship when we were together was awesome. If it wasn't for circumstances, we'd probably still be together. We were each other's firsts in certain aspects (not sex tho). He said I was the sweetest n sexiest girl he'd ever met n I gave him butterflies which is really hard to do. I still have feelings for him, but not in exactly the same way. I realize he has a girlfriend, n i won't do anything w/him while he does.
Oh, and I've never met his girlfriend, and i have no idea how much she does or doesn't know about me (she n i are from totally different circles, he's the only one we have in common) but i saw her profile on facebook n there were pix of her on a lake kayaking, n shooting a gun (target practice) in the woods so it would seem she's into outdoorsy stuff.
So yea...Hopefully this will help you guys to help me-i need it! :)
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reader, BettyBoup +, writes (23 May 2011):
Do you want him to still have feelings for you?
From my personal point of view, it is a little too soon to be spending time alone with an ex after 1 month, even as friends, especially as he has a girlfriend. It sounds like he is trying to play it casual with her as he said "she can't really control me anyway", like he isn't really going to care if she is hurt by him spending time with you. If I were his girlfriend, I would definatly be uncomfortable with my boyfriend going for a hike alone with a very recent ex. I would be very suspicious.
But I can't really judge exactly what is going on here. It could just be as the previous poster says, and he wants to spend time with you as you both like active activities. Or he could still have feelings for you, and wants to spend time with you again because of that.
But..., he has a girlfriend. So if this is the case, he could perhaps be hoping to have his girlfriend, and develop a relationship with you again. In other words, he might be wanting to have you as a bit on the side. So if I were you I'd be very weary.
But then again, I don't know the full extent of your relationship, and it IS possible that he could just want to be your friend again. But from what you have said, and the fact that you wonder if he has feelings for you still, shows that there is something going on there. Why did you break up? What do you want from your friendship with him? If you want a relationship, perhaps it would be best to be honest with him, because it is dangerous territory to be "friends" with a guy you really like, especially now he has a girlfriend. If he does try it on with you, tell him you want to be with him, only if he is not attached. It isnt fair on his girlfriend, or you, for him to string you both along. Don't let him do this. If you do just want to be friends and do fun stuff together, and if his girlfriend is comfortable about this, then go for it. If he has other intentions, these will show, in time. If you are cautious about going for a hike with him because you are concerned he wants something to happen, and you don't, either turn down his offers of hikes etc, or make it very clear you just want to be friends.
Good luck :)
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reader, Miss Taterbutt +, writes (22 May 2011):
 It's not a matter of her trying to control you. It may be the simple fact that if she feels there might still be something going on between the two of you, or doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of you two being alone, on a trip, I can see why he would have to ask her if it's okay. He's in a new relationship. Her opinions and feelings count a little more than yours do now. Luckily, he's taking the initiative to ask her if it's alright to hang out with an ex, that may or may not have been very serious, than to just say, "screw her, I'm going to do it anyway," or lie about it.On the other-hand, if she hasn't had any problems with the two of you hanging out before, then I don't see why you're questioning it. My question for you is - do you still have feelings for him, even if only a little?
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reader, ReachForTheSky +, writes (22 May 2011):
ReachForTheSky is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe were together about three months, although we have known each other 5 years n dated 5 years ago. The circumstances were complicated, basically family opposition made it very hard to see each other, plus our schedules were conflicting so we decided to just be friends for awhile. There is no bad blood or negative feelings between us at all. if it wasn't for circumstances its very likely we'd still be dating. When we were together it was awesome. He said I was the sweetest and sexiest girl he's ever met and that I gave him butterflies, which is hard to do. (i realize he might have just said this bc we were dating). And i don't know his girlfriend, but i looked at her profile on fb out of curiosity n there are pix of her like shooting guns n kayaking on a lake n stuff, so she seems to be into that kind of thing.
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 May 2011):
impossible to say, depends on a lot of things : one an a half months is not very long to be broken up from someone, he HAS got a new GF though. how long where you together? what where the circumstances of the break up? how was the relationship when you were still together? maybe he just likes you as a friend and is interested in outdoor stuff like you are, his GF might not be into that stuff
x
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