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What does it mean when men act this way?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2013) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 February 2013)
A female United States age 36-40, *uddlebug6 writes:

My boyfriend and I had an argument. I told him I didn't really think he liked me anymore because he doesn't seem to want to get to know me. He basically said "I can't change who I am I just don't like what you're interested in." He later apologized for acting that way but I'm still upset about it. it wasn't solved for me. Now he's acting as he normally does like nothing ever happened. He tried to have sex with me, but I rejected him and have been distant because I think the relationship is about sex but he won't tell me. What does it mean when men act this way?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013):

"My boyfriend and I had an argument. I told him I didn't really think he liked me anymore because he doesn't seem to want to get to know me. "

So why is this cause for an argument? I mean, why do you get mad at someone when you suspect they are not interested in you? That's just how they feel. Why couldn't you just have a normal conversation asking him sincerely about whether or not he's interested in you just so you have all the information to make your own decision about this relationship, rather than making it a conflict?

that said, it does sound like he isn't that interested in you or at least not by your definition.

Maybe your idea of what it means for him to be interested is different from his. This is why it's better to have a neutral discussion to see where you both are.

He will not give you his honesty if you're being all negative and argumentative.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 February 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt's not men... it's some men (and some women)

and it's YOUR current boyfriend.

Here's the deal... he's not that into you...

be thankful he apologized. My husband does not apologize and he just starts acting like NOTHING is wrong... I"m still mad at him about a fight and he's all kissy and cuddly... and i Have no clue he's no longer mad... drives me nuts.

If he said "I can't change who I am" he's saying he's happy with himself the way he is, and he's not changing for you"

then he adds "I'm just not interested in the things you like" is his way of saying "we have nothing in common"

you should never tell him what he thinks... always go with "I feel" statements " i feel that we are drifting apart and I'm concerned"

not sure how long you have been together but I'll bet the mortgage that he's not that into you and that while he cares about you, he's only "killing time" so to speak...

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (13 February 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntI "see" two items in your submittal, which items need discussion:

1. "... I told him I didn't really think he liked me anymore..." This message... wherein you TELL HIM WHAT HE IS THINKING.... will be the basis for OOODLES of problems for you, each and every time you do it....now, and forever. RATHER than TELL someone (even a man!) what he thinks.... It's far better to ASK someone what he/she thinks, let them answer, and let THAT be the basis for any further discussion. ONCE you "tell" someone what they think... there is no further basis for ANY discussion with that person... as YOU will have usurped their brain.....

2. "...because I think the relationship is about sex but he won't tell me..." Get accustomed to this. YES it IS "all about sex"... but we guys think we are so coy that you girls will never figure it out. I've found that the most successful women are those who HAVE "figured it out"... but who let us guys think and believe that you HAVEN'T figured it out... and that WE are still in control...

Is all that clear?

Good luck...

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A female reader, cuddlebug6 United States +, writes (13 February 2013):

cuddlebug6 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (13 February 2013):

llifton agony auntit means he's not interested in getting to know you and that he isn't interested in learning about you and what you're into. he doesn't find those things interesting so he doesn't care.

he may have just had a momentary outburst that he didn't mean, but it sounds to me like there's nothing in common in this relationship.

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