A
female
age
36-40,
*alcyondays714
writes:My ex and I dated for almost 7 months until he broke up with me 3 months ago (via text messaging, very cowardly). He said that he felt like it was more of a friendship than a relationship, but he said it could be because he was moving in a month, which I was never informed of. At that point in time, it was a long distance relationship because I was at school, but I was home to visit him 3 days beforehand. The time that I was home, we went to see a movie, but he wouldn't touch me or look at me...but he still had no problem making out with me before I went back to school. I had told him 2 weeks prior how I loved him, but he told me he would be lying if he said he loved me, but he really really really cared about me. He even sent me a giant text the next day saying how he hoped his words didn't hurt me, how he thought about me all the time and maybe it was love, but he wasn't sure and the word scared him a little. But he deeply cared about me. Nonetheless, I was dumped via text messaging, 3 hours from home, while in a 3 hr class. It was horrible and I was more than heartbroken and still am. I found out even his mom yelled at him for the break up because his whole family liked me and was upset by it.He ended up not moving at all, for what reasons I don't know. When I came home from school, I worked at the same place as him while on break because that's what I did over the summer. We were both at a work party, but ended up not talking to each other. But after the party, he relayed a message to me through a mutual friend on how he was sorry for an inconsequential matter, which I found odd and texted him a little bit over it. That's a side story I won't get into.We ended up not having to work at all together while I was home, but we had to see each other at a shift change. He finally spoke to me for the first time in months, asking how I was doing and being all friendly and such. I was taken by surprise, just said how I was fine, asked how he was, but I wouldn't look at him and walked away. He ended up complaining to a coworker how I was giving him the cold shoulder. He kept trying to talk to me and carry on conversations with me at work, but I wouldn't look at him or say much of anything because I'm still hurt. He saw my sister on New Year's Eve and complained to her about how I hated him so much and he tried talking to me but I wouldn't talk to him and he didn't know what to do so he was upset by it. I don't understand why he would be so upset by me not talking to him...like we are supposed to be best friends playing hopscotch after he broke my heart...I ended up texting him a couple of times, telling him how I didn't hate him and apologized for being rude at work. He said it was ok, he understood and knew it wasn't easy, but thought that I hated him from what he heard and such. He claimed our mutual friends told him he couldn't hang out with everyone if I was there (not true, he was invited to everything and I made sure of that. When he spoke to my sister he even said how he didn't go to a certain gathering because I was there and he didn't want to make it awkward). After texting back and forth a little bit he went on to tell me how he wished me the best of luck this next semester with school and sports and was giving me advice on sports(I didn't ask for it and avoided talking about it. His sports were always his number 1 concern and then all of a sudden he cared about mine, which was weird). I told him that if I felt I couldn't be his friend, I would let him know. This was 3 weeks ago.I know he was a jerk. I did everything for him in that relationship and never asked anything of him. Heck, he didn't like talking on the phone so I never even got a phone call from the guy I had been dating for 7 months. But I still love him. And honestly, I'm worried about him, his behavior has changed according to our friends. He is very angry towards everyone, hasn't hung out with any of our mutual friends in months, and when asked if he's ok his response is "no but I don't know why."I want to be there for him, but know it may end up hurting me in the end. I miss him terribly but do I tell him that? Are his actions suggesting that maybe he regrets what he did and misses me? I don't know why he was so bothered by the fact that I wasn't chummy with him at work. He is so hard to read, no one knows what's going on because he won't talk to anyone. Heck, he has never spoken to anyone about our break-up. Even his best friend, who has spoken to me, has no clue. I know this is a great deal of information, but this is weighing heavily on my mind. Any advice would be greatly appreciated please. Thank you.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 January 2010):
 He is hurting as much as you are. Most guys, when they break up, flirt with other girls most immediately to avoid dealing with the pain inside. But he turned the stress inwards. Whenever a guy sees a girl being hurt, his instinct is to protect her. Because he does not want to give you mixed signals he has to avoid you. Being not able to solve your problems make him depressed. He has always seen you as a friend and is missing you as a friend. Dump is a strong word. He didn't dump you. You two are just not meant to be and he only found out just after you two got serious. He is not a jerk. He still cares for your feelings, but could not reciprocate romantic feelings.
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