A
female
age
30-35,
*CantThinkOfAScreenName
writes:i met this guy and we hit it off right away, we have an undeniable spark and it was him that pointed this out at the start. he called me beautiful and we had amazing laughs together. weve now been seeing each other for around a month and every time we see each other is perfect. we both feel it. however, he can go a few days without talking to me and then other times hes texting a lot more and saying lots of nice things. he says that if he doesnt talk to me it doesnt mean hes not thinking about me but its difficult because we only see each other once a week, should i trust him or is he lying? also, i dont really know where i stand with him anymore, he invited me to meet his parents this weekend where we all went out for a meal and he said he has a "cracking night" and then on the sunday he took me up to london for the day, bought me lunch and everything! but any time i ask him where i stand with him he doesnt really answer properly . he said once i met his parents we would talk about us gettting together properly, but we havent? okay so now ive introduced the situation heres the problem...the other day he asked why he hadnt met my dad and i said i wasnt gonna introduce someone to my dad whos not serious about me (because he hadnt made me officially his) and he seemed to take major offence at this and a few days later started a massive argument, i pretty much apologised and even offered to make him dinner soon to apologise to lighten his mood, all he could say was "i guess you can" and then he said "i'm getting a lump in my throat typing this, but maybe we should take a break? what do couples normally do to get over this kinda sh*t?" so i just replied with "talk things over? hug,kiss? im not letting you go" and he said he would give me another chance. i feel ive done nothing wrong really but i care so much about him. we spoke on the phone later that night and spoke about things and i made it clear although im sorry for upsetting him im not here to be walked over as he said "if i promise not to ever say things like that again then he might give me another chance". and he said okay thats fine. i asked if he still felt the same about me and he said yeah then he went to bed and said he would chat to me the next day. he didnt. i didnt hear one word. what should i do? what should i think? what do you think hes thinking? my hearts telling me to text him but if i do im giving in and showing someone who possible no longer cares about me that i care. should i just wait for him to get in contact? thanks for reading x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Your 'boyfriend' sounds fun but emotionally immature and he seems to want things to go his way in regard to pacing the relationship and how the two of you show to others that you are a couple.
You are young and may not, yet, know how "chemistry" can usually be quite quickly produced by the boy or man in question just being naturally very charming, cocky, sweet and fun. The "chemistry" in question is often the girl/woman responding to this charm and confidence from the boy/man.
Confidence in men is a funny thing - they can be confident on many levels and then actually still very emotionally immature, and want things their own way/lack the ability to properly discuss things in a fair way and let their own emotions get in the way of a lot of things.
It seems very clear that you have been fair with your boyfriend and he has been very unfair to you. Do not let him make you doubt your ability to be assertive, as you have been so far - you show perfectly normal and mature levels of assertiveness whereas he is just showing that he hasn't grown up yet. Emotional maturity does NOT always come with age - you can get 60 year old men behaving pretty much the same way that he is.
Whatever happens with this guy, in future be careful of charmers - they often lack depth and maturity and are expert in getting their own way through charm. If your boyfriend already is starting to fall into this category - and it sounds like he is - then stick to your guns and assert yourself, but know that similar problems will keep recurring until he understands that a relationship is a two way thing. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. He is behaving like a jerk.
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