A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I would like to ask what you think about a man who will beg you back into a relationship, tell you he loves you, then once you feel comfortable in replying with the same response, "I love you", he immediately shuts down.I have been off and on with this guy for a little less than a year. I will leave the relationship, for lack of better words, because something just doesn't seem right. Every time I do this, he will begin begging me back, so finally, i decided to give it one more chance. At the inception of this reunion, he tells me he loves me, I begin to think about this and wonder if maybe part of the problem in our relationship is my inability to express my feelings.So, finally I tell him I love him. Next day, I message him, tell him once that I love him, once that I miss him, which is something I've never done in my life. I decide to do this because I have previously been unable to express affection. So, now I want to see if it will help the situation.Suddenly, he pulls back, begins to withdraw the "I love you's" replacing them with "I cant really say it's love until ..." All of this within a week of this reunion.Well, of course I know now that something is just not quite right. I'm not stupid, I know that a relationship with this guy is going to be completely out of the question, so I'm leaving the situation for good.But I'm curious to know, what ever could cause a person to go through so very much trouble as he did to get back into a relationship, and then just shut down emotionally? Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your response, rhythmandblues2. I believe you're probably right about fear. I know it's been the motivating factor for my emotional unavailability, but I can't make up my mind if fear is the motivation for his behaviour, or if it's some attempt to manipulate, possibly both, I dont know.
But he is definitely hot and cold. It seems the more distant I become toward him, the warmer he becomes and the closer I let myself get to him, the colder he becomes.
I think your suggestion for counseling is an excellent idea, in our particular circumstance, it would not be an alternative. There is distance involved.
Again, thanks very much for your reply!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): Fear. Fear of committment, fear of making a mistake.
I don't think it means that he does not want you, but I think you might ask him if he would considering going to counseling to figure out why he is so hot and then cold.
You both sound emotionally unavailable, which makes a healthy relationship just about impossible....but if the desire is there, it is something that you both could work on together.
...............................
|
