A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:[Mod note: this written by a male OP in the voice of his female girlfriend.] I love my mother dearly, but recently she has been getting on my nerves. I'm 33 and am starting to get free of my seizures, but she won't really loosen up and treat me like an adult. I know I've made a few mistakesin the past year, but that was only when I was looking for Mr. Right, I've since found him, and he and his family havebeenvery wonderful to me! We live in the same county, but are 45 mins away from each other and have to call each other around his schedule 'cause at the moment he works 2 part-time jobs. I've had my Epilepsy since I was 8 months old. I can see how she wanted me to be near to her when I was a kid, but now that I'm a grown woman and things are starting to get easier(other than her being so protective and controlling-she still wants me to shower with the door open so she can hear me, I don't even have generalized tonic-clonic seizures anymore-if any (and I only had 2 recently when my VNS battery was low and needed replacement) I have my staring seizures-and only when she is around. My Epilepsy was mostly cured after I had my brain surgery and was on the Modified Atkins Diet for 2 years (from October 11, 2010-October 11, 2012). I'm the one in the house(I livewith 2 olderbrothers, ages 36 and 47, and both parents) who does the majority of the chores (I clean the house, do laundry, clean(I'm the only one who does this part with a paper towel) and changeourcats'waterdish,help preparefood, sometimes my mom makes me wait on her hand and foot like a live-in maid! I feel like"Cinderella"sometimes. I understand I live at home and don't have a job, but it's RIDICULOUS because my mom will sometimes tell me how to do those jobs or how fast I should be doing them. Sometimes she'll give me things to do one right after the other, after the other, and expect me to remember every minute detail of what she told me to do-or even bring up from downstairs! I don't mind helping her every now and then, or even doing it for a reward(like she used to do-she'd treat me to lunch or dinner or do SOMETHING to show she appreciated my Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll that I tried to ask is that she give my brothers more jobs around the house, was that really too much too ask?? I know they work outside the house, but they really could do more AROUND the house AS WELL, I know my 36-year old brother does some simple tasks around the house, but they aren’t everyday chores. The kind he does is just cleaning the cat litter(an occasional job, which our dad does normally anyway), and shoveling snow (a more seasonal job-and depends on the weather). My 47 year-old brother(he had his own place before he moved back in a few days before Christmas 2012) sometimes helps with the dishes and laundry (he does his own, but he helps with ours when I’m not around-sometimes he’ll fold the towels, but I’ve been doing that as I take them out of the dryer lately and sort my mom’s clothes out of the whites.) I don’t think asking for more help from my brothers is asking a lot.I love my mother and father and will be forever grateful for the times they were there for me through my medical problems, but I want to move forward with my life. If she truly wants me to be happy like she has said she does “Why the emotional roadblock?”
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (12 September 2013):
 Why are you not asking your brothers directly to help you out?
You say you want to be treated like an adult but you behave like a child! I'm sorry to be harsh but it's true.
Your brothers are out working and you're home all day. You resent them not doing the same amount of housework as you despite the fact that they are probably contributing to the household financially (unless I'm reading your letter wrong).
Rather than ask your brothers to help you, you run to Mum and complain. Then you get upset when Mum doesn't things your way.
I'm glad you're seeking therapy, I think it's important that you do so that you can resolve the issues you're carrying and maybe develop the strength to stand up for yourself.
I honestly think the time has come for you to move out and find your own space.
AB x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll that I tried to ask is that she give my brothers more jobs around the house, was that really too much too ask?? I know they work outside the house, but they really could do more AROUND the house AS WELL, I know my 36-year old brother does some simple tasks around the house, but they aren't everyday chores. The kind he does is just cleaning the cat litter(an occasional job, which our dad does normally anyway), and shoveling snow (a more seasonal job-and depends on the weather). My 47 year-old brother(he had his own place before he moved back in a few days before Christmas 2012) sometimes helps with the dishes and laundry (he does his own, but he helps with ours when I'm not around-sometimes he'll fold the towels, but I've been doing that as I take them out of the dryer lately and sort my mom's clothes out of the whites.) I don't think asking for more help from my brothers is asking a lot.I love my mother & father and will be forever grateful for the times they were there for me through my medical problems, but I want to move forward with my life. If she truly wants me to be happy like she has said she does "Why the emotional roadblock?"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my girlfriend is going to a therapist.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (8 September 2013):
Your mother does indeed seem controlling and over protective but in her defence when you have a child with a potentially life threatening condition and you have spent your life ensuring their safety it's very hard to change your behaviour.
That said your older siblings also live at home also, do they also have health issues?
Your condition however is now stabilised and you have taken ownership of and accepted it. You have found a man who loves you.
You are a now a capable and grown up woman but continue to allow your mother to treat you like a little girl.
Is there anything stopping you getting a job now that your seizures are under control? There is nothing to stop you living your life and moving forward but if you want to be treated like an adult you have to behave like one.
Consider getting a job and your own place or sharing one with a friend or your boyfriend.
You don't have to be rude or insensitive to your parents, they clearly love you and care about you, but they have to learn to let you go.
You have a life and have been through a lot to achieve that, now live it, think about what you want and make it happen. Only you can do it!
I hope this helps AB x
...............................
|
