A
female
age
51-59,
*marties2297
writes:My husband and I just got married a month ago, we are both near 40, and neither one of us has been married before, so we are both "learning". One of the reasons we got married is because we both enjoy outdoor activities -- a must for me when choosing a partner!My husband became more sedentary this winter, when spring came along not much changed. I find myself doing things alone this summer now. Really, I think he is happier going to the pub for the entire afternoon on the weekend and talking with friends. I find it extremely boring to be sitting in a dark place on a beautiful sunny day, and I can think of way more "fun" things to do with my time off!So... I end up feeling bored and I'm not as much "fun" to be around, which probably drives him to not want to do things with me even more.I am more than willing to find other people to do stuff with. But it bothers me a great deal that it has come to that. A side note... I have type 1 diabetes, insulin dependent, and physical activity is a MUST for me to remain healthy, but I should also have a companion with me :) I can imagine that many people have this same issue... it's okay to have different interests, but I am disappointed and sad. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Sorry, just seen your follow up, but it dosen't invalidate my advice.. again, talk to him and make him realise how important is your active life..
Yes, he likes to drink and stuff, but his activity attracted you, if he dosen't keep it up and make it at least a part time hobby, your marriage will be unhappy and difficult.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 July 2010):
Talk to him.. don't shout, argue or accuse, but say it just as you told us here.. tell him how important physical excersise is to your life, tell him that it was something your found attractive in him.. Tell him how much you miss his company, how alone you feel..
Don't accuse, but let him see your heart and how much you miss enjoying the physical life with him..
Ask him if there's any chance that you will be active together again.. Go easy, he may be having physical or mental problems that you cannot see.. and may be unable rather than unwilling to continue to join you and play.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 There's no sense in your life coming to a screeching halt simply because he doesn't wantto participate in those activities any more. Carry on and find happiness and maybe in time, he'll find his running shoes again and join you.
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A
female
reader, Smarties2297 +, writes (3 July 2010):
Smarties2297 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasschick, thanks very much for your comment!
It does make sense... we got engaged at the end of October, and that's about when he started making excuses to stop doing things with me!
As of today though, I am getting concerned that it's drinking that he is more interested in... he's off this weekend without me to a friend's family reunion at a local campground.... I opted out because I have a bad chest cold, and there is nothing to do except sit around a campfire and drink. He jumped at the chance to go!
I do plan to talk to him on Sunday (tomorrow), do you think it is wise to just say that I am going to continue to do what makes me happy (hiking and biking) and I've joined a local hiking club... come along or not??
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (3 July 2010):
Some swear that people change when they get married; they suddenly stop trying so hard to be fit and outdoorsy, some even let their appearances go because they're officially "off the market". Unfortunately they fail to realize that marriage is not the end of "trying" it's actually the beginning. People should continue taking care of themselves after the wedding as much as they did before the wedding and the hobbies you discovered before the wedding should continue. Did he just love the outdoors because it was a great way to meet women? I'm assuming that he hasn't encountered any health problems that prevents him from being more active. You'll have to sit him down and tell him what you told us; maybe it'll dawn on him and he'll find his hiking shoes afterall.
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