A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If your husband calmly tells you that he lost that spark but he hopes he will get it back. What does that mean? At the meantime, you feel unloved, although, well-cared for. What do you do? We are very good friends but I don't remember last time he kissed me like a lover and he rarely initiates sex because he wants to. He only initiates sex because it's about time.
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 Does he have anything else going on around him that could have caused this? If you did have a good sex life once you may be able to get it back. You could just wait, but this would mean losing valuable time. You may feel that the balance of power is in his favour. If he feels that too, it will make him lazy.
Usually people value most what they have to fight for. If someone piled your plate high with caviar each time it emptied would you want it? The fact that it costs so much is what makes it delicious (in my opinion anyway).
What you may need to do (and fast) is find a way of valueing yourself as much or if not more than you do this relationship. There is the most fantastic book that I keep telling people about called Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. Dobson. Here is one of the reviews, you can get it on Amazon.
"Dr Dobson is 100% correct in his methods. Showing TOUGH LOVE is the only way to help someone you love. Be it your spouse, a child or a relative. The methods in this book are not tricks. They delve into the psychology of what happens when someone feels "caged" in a relationship. It's based on the well known fact "the harder you try and hold on to someone, the harder they fight to get away."
And this book is not just for Marriage issues. Dr. Dobson lists 16 things you need to know when you enter into a relationship that can keep you from blowing it. Had I known then what I know now, I would be upset at myself. I blew 14 of the 16 things and it's no wonder she ran away calling me "clingy" and "soft." I was and Dr. Dobson showed me exactly why.
This book is NO GUARANTEE that you will win your spouse or significant other back. But, like anything else, if you don't do something you will more assuredly lose them anyway. Pray hard and read this book if you want to keep them. Learn to give them space.
While I may have blown my chances with my ex (and I think I have) at least I am sure I will never repeat the same mistakes again.
Single or Married, you need this book! "
From me:
Look it up and start to get your power back. Start doing your own thing, go out with friends and do the things you love. At the very least he will look at you with renewed interest and perhaps start to be concerned that his lack of effort will drive you away. If he is not concerned at any stage, this relationship is not for you. But the book will help you get your agenda in focus and stop you feelng helpless. It will also give you the best possible chance of saving it. Please let us know how you do.
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 i think that you need to talk to him and get more information from him. it is not fair on you if he is just prolonging something that just may not be there anymore. you may be good friends but that may be where it ends now. i know that he is hoping that his spark for you will come back, but wat if it doesnt? you dont wanna be waiting around just so he can make up his mind. i think that you should both sit down and maybe discuss separating for a while - nothing permanent yet. but time apart may be wat you both need to figure out where to love has gone, and whether you want it back. you dont want to miss something that may come along while waiting for a man who may or may not fall back in love with you, you know? i hope this helps somewhat, if you do need to talk more, just email me good luck xxx
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