A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Words of comfort...what do you do when you dread doing something but have to?I sound like a baby getting worked up over this but I'm freaking out about a phone call I have to make this week. This is really not a big deal compared to some problems but I don't know how to explain why I feel the way I feel.Ok I worked as a sub teacher last year, but there were some problems. I didn't do anything immoral or illegal, there were just a lot of discipline problems and some teachers backstabbed me (lied about me) and they threatened to fire me. I talked to them and explained my side of things and I was on the sub list for the rest of the year, but something weird has happened. Normally the district sends out renewal letters every year, but it's almost time for school to start and I haven't heard from them, gotten a letter or anything. No notification either way. I wrote them an email asking about it and no one ever answered it. I sent an email saying that I want to sub this year but this is the last year I'm available... I figured that way, if they do decide to fire me I will technically have given some notice before they had the chance. I'm really worried and I know that I can't just ignore this and I have to call them and talk to them and I have knots in my stomach. Here's the problem... I'm starting a TEFL job in Mexico in November, and this is my dream. I hate, hate HATE sub teaching but I love TEFL. I've worked all summer and saved my money but moving to another country and starting a new life there requires some savings... if I don't have a way to earn more $$$ and save, then I can't go. I dread calling because I dread hearing harsh words and I'll have to confront people who don't care about my problems, or, my own failure. In retrospect I wasn't perfect, no one is but I have learnt a lot from my mistakes, none of which were egregious and there are things I would do differently in the future but I don't think the district has been very professional. Still I dread facing my failure and the harsh words. I don't even know how to put my thoughts into words. I just have knots in my stomach and I'm panicking. I hate subbing but I have to work and save some money... teaching EFL in Mexico is my dream (yes there is a BIG difference between subbing and TEFL!!!!) and the thought of not being able to go because of money breaks my heart. I think I'll die of a broken heart if it doesn't work out for me, and if I can't sub this semester then I don't see how it can ever work out... there just aren't jobs, or opportunities in this economy.I'm so scared... I'm having panic attacks... thanks if you can help. I realize people are going to judge me, but the reason it's so hard to deal with this phone call is because my future depends on my ability to work and save money. Whatever the outcome of this is, it will determine whether or not I can pursue my dream of going abroad to teach English.Please don't judge me... I don't know how to explain why I feel the way I feel. Why am I such a coward and how can I be more courageous? Thanks if you can help me.
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female
reader, JennyBuckwell  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 When faced with something you dread doing you don't actually realise that avoiding it only increases the panic and cost you energetically. The key is simply to just do it as soon as possible and have it over and done with, you will feel so much better as prolonging an uncomfortable situation only makes it seem worse. Also maybe try having some support near you when attempting the phone call, someone you trust who makes you feel good, you shouldnt face doing something you dread alone. Just keep in my mind that you will feel so much better once its done and then you can go about planning your future according to the outcome. Good luck!
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