A
male
age
36-40,
*tj
writes:Simple question. Do I tell her exactly how I feel, or do I just ask her out? Or both? Thank you.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 November 2010):
If you want any shot at this girl, DO NOT REVEAL YOUR FEELINGS EARLY. Esp when you first ask her out. In my epxerience women do not like or respect men who do that.
Your angle should be Joe Cool as a Cucumber. Kinda like - "Hey lets go out, but if you dont want to, thats cool too." If you get a first date, DO NOT CALL HER FOR AT LEAST THREE DAYS AFTER. These things may sound like games, and they are just that, but they are what is necessary to cultivate interest. After you have been out many times, you may then BEGIN to let her know your feelings, but only slowly.
On the other hand, you can tell how much you love her the first time you ask her out. The one benefit from that is you'll be better experienced at rejection the next time around.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): As a girl - I think I would be a little intimidated by someone spilling all their feelings out before we even started going out. It's a bit scary and intense, even if there is a history.
I think you're better off just asking if she wants to go for a coffee and taking it from there. She'll know that you like her if you've asked her out, and for the time being, that should be enough. Save the emotional outpourings for later!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Yes! If you ask her out then you would be asking her to cheat..that's not exactly fair. I would say wait till she is single and emotionally ready to be in a relationship with you. With that being said, you don't want to wait around an eternity for them to break up. So be friends for now, and keep your options open until you have your chance to make a move.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Well just ask her out, but maybe wait a good while before you tell her your feelings because she is not long out of a relationship and she needs some single time, so just remember that.
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A
male
reader, btj +, writes (8 November 2010):
btj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is history though. We've gotten to know each other pretty well during this month and a half or so only she had a bf. Thanks for the answers! Does this info change things up a bit?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 November 2010):
Ask her out, don't spill your feelings all at once that's too much to digest.
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A
male
reader, Latino201 +, writes (7 November 2010):
OK Mcfly. Do NOT tell her how you feel. It will be over before you get started. Instead ask her out somewhere, it's OK to ask her out on a date. Your mission is to LISTEN, Laugh and have fun. Let her do the talking and ask the questions. Unless she is very shy, then ask open ended questions. Remember what you spoke about. Next time you speak with her, ask follow up questions so she knows you pay attention. Next date, be a gentleman, buy a rose or take her to an arcade.. gives you a chance to walk around with her maybe even get closer to her (don't go to the usual spot where you will see mutual friends, this might get ackward).. Don't be crazy clingy and do NOT call her or text her every five minutes. Once a day is cool, if she replies or keeps the dialogue going.. your off to a good start.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (7 November 2010):
Ok well there is no history here so its kind of hard to understand the question all the same, but my simple answer would be ask her out if she accepts then go on a few dates and then tell her how you feel.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): No you do not over whelm her. You take it slowly. You listen to her. Show some patience. Do not try to dump all your feelings, this early on her. right now she is on a pedestall you have constructed. She may not stay up there once you know her better. Find out what is important to her. Find some shared interests. Go visit some interesting places or events together. See how she interacts with her friends and your friends. Discover what she likes reading. see how aware she is about the world. Do not come on too strong or you will lose her before ou have even begun.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (7 November 2010):
I'm no expert, but one thing I know is you don't want to pour your heart out and tell her exactly how she makes you weak in the knees or whatever. Guys might like that; girls will run for the hills. You can safely do that kind of thing when she is your girlfriend.
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