A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I tend to get asked this every now and then, and I just can't help but feel down and frustrated when they ask why I don't have a girlfriend. One, and pretty much the main, reason is that I just haven't bothered. Don't get me wrong, having a girlfriend would be great, but it's something I feel I just don't need right now. Two, I just never feel I am in a stable position in life. I just don't see the point if I it's quite probable that I will be moving away to whatever job I find. Three (combination of 1 and 2), I had to deal with keeping my feelings to myself for a girl I really liked because I knew I would be moving in a year. Backfired anyway because it hit me hard once she was out of my life. Not sure why it hurt so much for so long, nonetheless, I don't want to feel that ever again. Those are reasons, but reasons that I don't like to express to people who ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. What am I supposed to tell them? People seem to think that "I just haven't bothered" isn't a suitable answer. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): "Fuck women, they're all just dirty whores and I'd rather bathe in their blood than have to listen to their whiny shit."
Okay, definitely don't use that one haha.
I've had people ask me that on a rare occasion, mostly women actually and I used to always just make a joke about it like that quotation above then tell them exactly my reasons. I simply wasn't all that bothered, in my list of things I needed in life a girl was not actually on that list at that moment and when I felt the desire to have one I'd just go out and get one. I liked being single, I didn't feel lonely, didn't feel incomplete, life was great, I didn't need to devote half of all my time, effort and emotion in another person I could focus on moving my own life forward.
My favourite one to use on girls who asked me that was to enrage their feminist sensibilities by jokingly demeaning them. "Just because you women are incomplete and utterly useless without a man in your life doesn't mean I am, unlike you I wasn't raised to think men are gods and the only way to achieve happiness in life is to have a man."
That always worked a charm haha, because I honestly have never met a woman who didn't immediately pounce on that and forget she even asked her original question. Especially once they realized I was right after I explained the whole concept of fashion, make-up, romance/relationship movies, women's magazines, barbie dolls, fairy tales, domestic appliance toys etc. and the fact that pretty much all entertainment aimed women and girls from childhood is about getting a man.
The point of my long winded crap is this OP, stop making it a big deal and have a bit of fun with it. "My penis is only one inch erect" or "The girl I like at the moment has an injunction out against me but I just have to keep trying because it's destiny."
Then tell them you're just not bothered, more important things in your life at the moment than sex or romance and when that changes you'll start doing something about it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 "Three (combination of 1 and 2), I had to deal with keeping my feelings to myself for a girl I really liked because I knew I would be moving in a year."This really puzzles me. You had an entire year that you could have spent with her, and instead you wanted to be a martyr? Why? I don't understand it, and the only possible reason I can see is that you were scared she'd reject you. Being a martyr, keeping your feelings hidden, was a safer choice than facing possible rejection. You had a year that you could have been with her. Tons of relationship end after just a few months, but you didn't even want to take the chance and see where you and her could have ended up. Life isn't predictable, and you could die tomorrow. What's the point then in waiting and waiting untill you feel all "settled"? Then what? You think you have a firm job for all foreseeable future, you think you will live in one place, and then SHE moves. Or then maybe you lose your job for whatever reason. Or maybe this or maybe that. You just never know! It seems to me that you prefer to plan your life rather than live it. I strongly encourage you to rethink if an entire year with someone isn't worth the joy it will give you, and the hardships you later will face IF (yes, IF) you end up moving. When the other option is to suffocate your feelings for an entire year instead, and you still are left with the heartache when you leave. Think about it, maybe she'd have wanted to move with you if you had started a relationship with her. After a year of being together, maybe you would have gotten serious and wanted to live together. You just never know. I advice you to try things out, rather than sit around and never know what could have been. The reason you don't have girlfriend is that you're afraid of what might happen if you break up. That's why you didn't enter a relationship with the girl you liked. You were too busy worrying about a potential break-up, which might not even have taken place. Start to live a little and let life happen. You really can't plan things. If you try to plan life you'll only end up being disappointed, and you'll lose out on rare opportunities just because it didn't fit into the plan.
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A
male
reader, Pleh  +, writes (25 September 2012):
It really isn't anybody else's business whether or not you have a girlfriend or if you want one. Who cares if it's not a "suitable" answer for them? That said if it makes you feel uncomfortable when they ask, you can always just say you're waiting for the right girl to come along.
However it seems to me like you actually do want a girlfriend but you don't want to become romantically attached to someone if/when circumstances change. At the end of the day it's your choice if you want to stay single to avoid heartache - all I'm saying is a year's a long time and if someone comes along you care about again, maybe think twice before brushing it away. If you do give something a go and it doesn't work out, you'll always be glad you tried instead of thinking about what could've been if only you tried.
Hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, Plumb +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Just tell them your working on it, even if it is a lie. People don't need to be in your business but that's life. I hope everything else works out :)
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