A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't particularly know where to begin so I'll start here: I fell ill during school and as a result, my schooling experience wasn't what I wanted it to be. Regardless though, I managed to become well and start picking up the pieces of my life to start building something for myself. I graduated into the pandemic, I graduated in February 2020 and lockdown began in March 2020. I have a qualification in a field that is currently struggling so work has not and is not easy to find. I've started to lean on the working experience that I had before studying but even still, I can't find work in the fields that I had experience in either. I'm feeling rather stuck and I don't know what else to do other than what I'm already doing which is constantly applying for new jobs and learning new skills to hopefully make myself even more employable if there is even such a thing. I still live at home with my parents and it kills me that I'm unable to contribute because I use to in the past even though I've never had a job that paid more than the minimum wage in my country. Besides that, I have a sibling that also lives at home that has a pretty advanced addiction to a highly addictive hard street drug which means that obviously life at home is uncomfortable and unbearable for everybody when factoring in the sleepless nights and uninvited guests showing up at our home demanding money for my siblings' drug habit from time to time. I don't feel safe here. My parents don't feel safe here. My mother is particularly close to this sibling and is struggling to set any sort of boundaries. My father is on the same page as I am on the issue, but my mother's love for this sibling is clouding her judgement and she often refuses to make any sort of forward movement regarding the issue. The problems that her obvious favouritism has caused in her marriage over the past couple of decades and the distance it has put between this particular sibling with regards to my other sibling and I, is obvious and has caused so much damage over the years but that whole situation probably could be best explained in its own post. Okay so where was I... I have a history with depression and anxiety (I was diagnosed) so I struggle to cope with all of the above and try to work at keeping my life on track after all of the hard work I've done. From the ages of 17-23 all I done was get well and try to get my life back on track. I just can't help but feel like all of my hard work was for nothing. At a time when my peers were excited about picking out formal wear for the dance, future prospects and going off to study, I was ill and fighting for my life and to be honest, I do feel robbed of all of those years because nothing about my life has been normal even since then. I had hopes and dreams for myself and as hard as I try to recover, something always knocks me down. My last birthday had me stressed out because it's the first real moment that I realised how quickly I'm running out of time to build a life for myself; the life that I always wanted. I have one friend who isn't even in the same country as me right now, I don't necessarily have anywhere or anyone to turn to so it's not like when I'm overwhelmed with what happens at home I can go and take a breather some place (especially now during this time with the new wave making its way through my community). I've been considering studying another qualification which to be honest, I cannot afford to do at the moment but I'm the type of person that likes being busy, it's what helps with my mental health. Being unemployed and struggling with every aspect of my life has proven to be incredibly stressful and I'm still in survival mode like I've always been. I hoped that at this age I'd have the opportunity to finally start living but unfortunately that hasn't been the case. I'm simply surviving. Simply existing. I'm so exhausted. I don't actually know what else to do. My health isn't the greatest; I've recently started getting intense chest pains… regularly. By recently I mean in the last two years and by regularly, I mean every day at least once a day. I've always had an irregular heartbeat because of my anxiety though. I'm unable to actually get this checked out because of my current financial situation even though my health is and has always been a priority for me. Though I must mention that compared to where my health was years ago, I've come a long way. I'm incredibly grateful to God for the gift of okay health and a (mostly) sound mind. There definitely are positives and I realise that things could be much worse so I am grateful for what I do have. I understand that I'm much further along compared to where I was but I just can't help but want more than this for myself. I suppose that I don't particularly have a question, perhaps I just needed to vent and possibly be presented some options here. I need some advice as to where to go from here. What do I do to have some forward movement in my life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response female anon. I appreciate your kind words.
Just to address some of what you said:
I actually did have a lock installed on my bedroom door a couple of years back. You're right, it actually does help me feel more safe and gives me my own space. I have a cleaning and tidying schedule that I stick to because I found that it helps with my mental health if my space is clean and tidy. I had a journal before but for some reason, I stopped writing down what I felt. I also would practice meditation but I haven't done that in a while either. All of this to say; thanks for those recommendations because they actually do work and I needed to be reminded of that so that I can get back to doing those things again. That's excellent advice and I really appreciate the kind reminder.
With regards to the rest of your text; you're right. I can't let things outside of my control prevent me from doing what I need to do for me to thrive as an individual. That's so spot on. I need to remember that moving forward. I will also continue to look at the positives in my life and be grateful for what I do have. Your response was a reminder to take care of me. To live. To thrive. Not to focus on what I can't change or do anything about so THANK YOU so much. Your advice was definitely much needed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2021): Hello you wonderful person. You have done much to overcome your problems but now is the time to differentiate problems that are your own from problems that are other peoples.
You have to leave other people to sort out their own problems or your energy gets wasted.
You have shown remarkable skill and determination in getting your life on track.
Instead of letting it ' kill you' that you can't contribute financially you should be grateful that you have kind parents who aren't threatening to throw you on the street because you have no money to give.
That would kill you.
Instead of wanting your brother not to be an addict you must just accept that he is and that brings an unsavoury influence into your parents home.
Maybe you could put a lock on your door to your room for your security and so that you maintain just your own space.
Instead of hoping that mum will wise up and stop trying to change your brother, just accept that she won't.
She will always keep trying.
Instead just be thankful that he is not your son and you are not caught in the trap of permanently running round after someone who has no intention of changing.
Sweetheart you get the method of being thankful.
It stops things draining you out.
Remember there is nothing you can do about the current state of the pandemic and that the world is going through difficult times.
Keep a diary if your mind clogs up with thoughts or practise the art of meditation.
You have the strength and skills to move forwards when the time is right.
Meanwhile conserve your energy or you will miss your first opportunity.
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