A
female
age
51-59,
*aprigal
writes:what should i do??We have been married slightly over three years now and he was an alcoholic before i met him with a whole bunch of issues from his childhood and parents breaking up to pressure of his father's 'empire' today plus society pressure and all that jazz that comes with $$$$. I have always wanted to help him overcome his problem and at first never voiced concern over the frequency and amount of his alcohol intake but i am worried for his health and my well being on top of the fact that we are trying to get pregnant. He has become increasingly abusive verbally, emotionally and once in awhile physical almost always when he is drunk. The verbal and emotional abuse has always been there. I guess i have never admitted it to myself but it is evident that he is using $$$ and words to control me and to demean me. He never apologizes for it and is adamant that he is right ALL THE TIME. I am getting tired, frustrated, beaten emotionally and i keep trying to urge him to change. He doesnt want to hear anything and says that i am a lying bitch, a wasting bitch when it comes to money, i am nothing, i have no standards, no presence...the list goes on and it is escalating. He feels no remorse and has no compassion and hardly says sorry for his words or his actions. I don't know what to do. I am not ready to leave this relationship yet and i never intended to get married and end up in a divorce. Everybody knows he is a difficult individual but no one lives with him. I DO! He wakes up and within an hour he starts his drinks and goes through alll day till night if he is not at work. This goes on everyday. His dependancy on alcohol is evidently at chronic stage. But he wont admit it even when the doc told him his liver enzymes are way off the charts compared to normal level....he says its fine. I dont know how to help him as he keeps on running from his deep rooted problems and continues to be a real bastard and even more so when i dont back off. So what? Am i supposed to sit there and watch him hoping that he will wake up? Everything i say is my fault, my imagination, i am not good enough and he laughs and it shocks me that he has absolute no remorse. He turns around and says to me that he told me he is a bastard from the start and that is his justification and green light to treat me badly.When he is sober, he is uncomfortable with himself a lot and finds solace in alcohol. It is slowly killing me. He keeps laughing at me when i bring up issues and i really am being pushed into the corner. Please advise me on what to do. Is verbal/emotional abuse linked to alcoholism or is it two separate issues???Desperate and falling,caprigal
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alcoholic, at work, divorce, drunk, emotionally abusive, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Momo4865  +, writes (4 February 2011):
Get out now! He will never change, he will never "get better" and he will never be the man you want him to be! He is so wrapped up in his illness and his own denial - you should get away from him. He will take you down with him. If he does seek help and quit drinking, yay for him but it is very unlikely that he will. An alcoholic has to quit for themselves and no one else. He isn't ready.
Good Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): write down all the bad things about him and all the good things and even though its painful you will see that there is more bad than good so trust your instincts and get the hell out of there, i know how you feel i am going through the same thing but i will not be going back this time for my own sanity. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): I was in something similar, but thank God I never married him and the last thing I would do have try to have a baby with him. You need to get out of denial. This situation will only get worse. Read the book by Robin Norwood, "Women who love too much". It gave me the awakening to change my life. I'm recovered from the chaos and destructive relationship and I have never ever been happier. The book teaches you to how to set your boundaries and only get involved with people who are your equal and worthy or being with you. For the sake of your life, you know what you need to do. I wish you well and to be strong enough to do it. It's a journey of healing, but you can do it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I know where you're coming from i really do, but don't let him ruin your life on the way to ruining his own. I've just left my husband after 17 years. He's always been a drinker but as had a great social life when we first met i just put the drinking down to lyfestyle and i used to love the partying just as much as him. After we had our son 12 years ago he continued drinking and we started arguing. Every row we had for the remaining years together were all directly or in-directly about the bottle. He even went to prison for a fight he had when drunk in a pub and every time he got drunk he would talk like an inmate. I just came to a point where i couldn't win. There was no way he was ever going to change and no way i was going to stay the same. I realised that even if he had never drank another drop in his life he still would'nt be the man i wanted or could ever respect again. The years have gone by so quickly. Don't let him gtake this any further for you. good luck x
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female
reader, caprigal +, writes (23 March 2009):
caprigal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbecause he just needs to come to terms with his addiction and he is a good person but just tarnished by pressure and stress. i believe he can remove himself from this horrid state of being. unless, i am still in denial!! i need to see if i can salvage this marriage and my love for him. its sad and i cant believe i am here but i am. i need to stay strong and see what happens. its the alcohol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Sorry, please explain to me why you would want to have a baby with an abusive alcoholic?????
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