A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Basically I am in a big dilemma in my life. I am 24 and had a ex gf for 3 years (she is 22 btw) and we split up 4 months ago. Due to the fact that we kept arguing, she lived too far, her parents didnt like me, she didnt want to leave home and she did not want to marry any time soon. We got intimate (everything apart from sex) and always had the plan to marry one day. But we split up, due to these differences. However we loved each other so much and have many memories. Now 4 months ago I met this 19 year old girl (5 years younger than me) she is amazing too. We instantly click. We are in love and she is my gf. We are looking to marry. There are no stumbling blocks, she is ready and lives closer to me and her family like me. Now does the age gap matter? Or the time that Ive known her? Cuz what if she turns out like the first girl? What if we start arguing too much. Its been 4 months and we looking to marry August next year.I have many good memories and intimateness with first girl. Our love was deep. We are split up, but she keeps coming back to me.What do I do??????Which girl do I choose?????How do I let my ex down? She doesnt leave me alone!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2014): You sound like a hopeless romantic on a mission to get married. People in a hurry to get married usually marry the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. You are rushing a young girl into a whirlwind romance; and already talking to her about marriage four months after meeting her, and four months after breaking up with someone else you wanted to marry.
You have to slow down. I think you have a great deal of maturing to do, let alone considering marriage with a 19 year-old girl who has absolutely no life-experience to draw on.
How are you letting your ex down? She's your ex, what you do doesn't make any different to her; when you're not in her life any more. You don't have to make a choice between the two. If you think you do, you are nowhere near ready to marry anybody!!!
Maybe it wasn't that your ex's parents didn't like you, they just think you seemed too anxious to marry her, and you may not have impressed them to show enough maturity and experience to marry their daughter. Your post gives the impression of someone who may be a bit impulsive; and may not take much time thinking things out. That's why your ex was in no hurry to marry.
If you think you're going to marry someone who never argues, you certainly aren't ready for marriage.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 October 2014):
 Why the hurry to marry?
You second GF (the 19 year old) still has some growing to do before getting married and SO do you. And with you NOt being over your first GF ( don't lie, you know you aren't) you really should SLOW down. You are trying to make something happen ASAP that takes time.
You first GF? Block her. Tell her that you can't stay in contact.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 October 2014):
 I honestly think you need to slow this down drastically. After four months, you're only just beginning to get to know this girl. You still don't know anything a out her yet. I'd give it another year, at least. That way, you know for sure this is a person you want to have the rest of your life bound to. If she's the one, she will still be there in a year. What's the rush?
Additionally, she's only 19. I don't know about you at 19, but for me and every single other person I knew at 19 - we didn't have a CLUE what we wanted at that age. Or the thinks we thought we wanted turned out being something completely different a few years later. You go through DRASTIC changes in your early to mid twenties. She hasn't even reached that stage yet. I'm not saying it's not possible for you two to work for the long haul. But she's still very young. And that really does play a big factor. Don't under estimate that.
So I suggest relaxing and giving it more time. There seems to be no sense in not. Besides, you're still kinda confused about the ex. It seems you need to settle business completely first before you do anything else and get your head clear.
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