A
female
age
30-35,
*atie610
writes:I'm 15, and I dated my ex for almost 8 months.He would ignore me on and off for a few months. Sometimes we would go up to a week without even talking, and I'd cry and feel depressed over it. He was with his guy friends a lot more than he was ever with me. The only time he put his arm around me was when my friends told him to, and same with when we kissed, which was only once. But other times he could be the sweetest boyfriend. I told my friends I was thinking about breaking up with him, and he might have heard that from them, but I'm not sure. I also asked them if they think he'd care if I did, and most of them told me they don't think he's the type that would care about anything. Thursday night I was talking to my best friend on the phone, and I got so upset over him that I asked her to tell him it's over unless he does something about it.The next day he was in the cafeteria at breakfast and she went over to him to talk to him. I got scared and went to my locker cuz I didn't want him to see me. When the bell rang and my friend and I were walking to our first class, she told me that he does care a lot and was almost crying. She also told me that he said "I care, I just don't show it". She said he was going to talk to me later about it either during lunch or at the end of the day. We don't have the same lunch hour, so I didn't see him. At the end of the day, I saw him look at me, but he walked right past me and went straight to the buses! If he wanted to stop me from breaking up with him, wouldn't he have talked to me? Then when I saw my friend at the buses, she told me that he started yelling at her, pushing her, and slapping her! So since he made no effort to talk to me, I assumed it was over. He hasn't even called me. It's spring break right now also. Later that day, I got a voicemail from my friend saying there's a guy who wanted to meet me at the mall the next day (Saturday). I met them at the mall that day and me and that guy ended up going out. Unlike my ex, he hugged me, we held hands a lot more, he put his arm around me, and we kissed twice. But I'm worried if that's going to fast. This guy doesn't go to the same school as me, but he goes to the same youth group as my friend. Today I don't know why, but I'm really upset and missing my ex. I really like the new guy cuz he's funny, nice, and gives me attention, but I'm worried I got into a new relationship too fast. And I'm not sure if it's officially ended with my ex. I know I made a mistake and should've talked to him myself. What do I do if he calls me and actually doesn't want to break up? Or what if when we go back to school he talks to me?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 March 2009):
Yes, you should not have let your friends dictate your entire relationship. But at the same time, this guy SLAPPED your best mate. You do NOT go back out with or even ever talk to a guy who uses violence on a woman.
He may not have liked showing he cared but tough! If he couldn't be bothered to make the effort then he was always going to lose you.
It was officially over the moment he chose to ignore you and then use intimidation and violence on your friend. You don't need to talk to him to tell him. He can learn that if he acts like that, then girls are no longer going to go anywhere near him.
Yes this new relationship may be moving a little fast but it's up to you to slow it down. Don't use your friends as a go between. Just stick to hand holding and kissing and tell him you are not ready for anything else if he asks or tries.
Get over your old boyfriend, remember all the bad stuff and get it through your head that you are better than that and he just wasn't up to the job.
Good Luck!! xx
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