A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Need some advice it's driving me mad to be honest I was seeing a guy since Aug 2022 so wasn't long Spent every weekend with him spoke everyday etc planned to spend new years eve together Exchanged Xmas presents where he bought me a lovely necklace then 3 days after he text me saying I'm too good for him amd that's the last we have spoke. He's got my laptop but I'm to scared to text himHes got a lot on with his kids and going through court and has tried to kill himself since I was talking to him But my problem is I can't stop thinking of him I need to msg for the laptop but I camt bring myself what to say to him I really want to tell him I miss talking to him but don't want to sound desperate Any advice what to do or Say ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2023): Give yourself a few days to gather some courage. Practice what you want to say to him in your bathroom mirror. You know it's over; so avoid drama and emotionalizing. The man has your property!
When you've got your little speech well-rehearsed, contact him by phone. Stay on-topic. Ask him to return your lap-top, and schedule a time and place to pick it up. Not at his place, and not at yours. A mutual location. Then get it, avoid conversation, no tears or drama. Just go about your business; and start working on getting over this guy.
Nothing to it, but to do it! You're not a teenager, or in your 20's anymore. You're a grown-woman, and this is an adult-situation that requires tact, diplomacy, and maturity.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 January 2023):
 Yep, Ciar nailed it,
Just use her message and go get your laptop and move on.
You are NOT responsible for him.
If he feels YOU are too good for him, then accept that. That is HIS reality. Get your laptop and move on.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (4 January 2023):
 I think that you are just going to accept the fact that you dating this man and unfortunately it never worked out.
Breaking up with someone is never easy, not for anyone but all I can say is that things will get easier over time. When some time has passed you may come to see that he was not right for you in the first place, and that maybe you had a lucky escape.
You want your laptop back, so I would keep the conversation strictly upon this subject, don't start going down the lines of your missing talking to him, just collect your laptop then after this there is absolutely no reason to contact him ever again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2023): Usually when someone tells you they are too good for you it is is true. But they are not telling you this because they care about you and warning you for your sake, they say it so that you say oh no my precious one, you are wrong, you are fantastic. In other words they say it so that you disagree with them and convince them they are wrong - so that they can get whatever it is that they know would put you off big time if it came out properly in the cupboard, done and dusted.
It is manipulative, crafty and tugging at the heart strings.
Usually a married man will tell a woman that yes he knows he is not good enough, because he is still in a terrible marriage he cannot escape from - when the truth is that he can leave at any time he wants but chooses not to - usually because he lacks the money it costs - rather than choice - but nevertheless it makes him a terrible catch from the other woman's point of view.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 January 2023):
 'Hi. I hope you and the kids enjoyed your Christmas holidays. I'd like to pop by to pick up my lap top. Let me know what day/time is best for you.'
That is cheerful without overdoing it, and it's non judgmental or confrontational. The door is open for him to communicate with you without fear of being interrogated or judged.
As an aside, I strongly suggest you not pursue a man who has admitted, especially this early, to having attempted suicide, and after telling you you're too good for him. Red flags.
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