A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidsHere is some background:Bf and I were together 2 1/2 years, he went away to boot camp for two months, he was supposed to be away for four but got medically discharged. While there he met a girl and they started sexting each other. He calls it a fantasy no emotions just something they both knew would never happen, they did it for three days. We are in therapy now because he was actually in the process of moving in when I found out. What I am trying to figure out what was lacking in our relationship. I know communication was at a big loss but I did try constantly to get him to talk. I would surprise him with treats on his windshield at school. I would listen when he did talk about issues. I would compromise with him. We had sex frequently and as he says I'm the librarian all prim and proper but in bed. I'm just not sure where I went wrong. I found out from a coworker that he asked to have a beer with her and she told him that she would check to see when her bf and I were free to do it and he asked her since they were friends why couldn't they do it alone. I'm trying to move past it. He has stopped talking to his female friends and I'm just starting to feel the space grow again. I'm not sure what I did to make this problem in our relationship.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2012):
 Honestly, I think your guy wants to be single, but have a GF (you).
It's not you. It's him. You don't SEXT someone who isn't your GF "just for fun" - I would seriously ask him how he would feel if you did all these thing.
I don't see him as a keeper honestly.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 He was in the process of moving in?
I think there is a lot more to this story than we are being told.
I also dont understand why you are taking the blame for his behaviour, he even tried to cheat on you with your friend, who gave him a good answer, but his response to that just goes to show how dumb and uncaring your boyfriend is.
Are you really, really sure this guy is the one for you?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 March 2012):
 You may feel you have a little bit of control if you blame it on yourself but most likely all the problem is him. You feel like if it's your problem then you can certainly fix it. It could be a simple reason that he just can't love and have no moral boundaries. You can't move past it because what he did was unacceptable and you feel like he would do this again and again. The only thing you did wrong was to pick him and to stubbornly try to make this thing work.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 March 2012):
 What makes you think you did anything to make this problem in the relationship? Believing you are responsible for another's actions places a huge burden on you, gives them a free pass to do as they please and it denies them the chance to learn from their mistakes.When your boyfriend was pursuing other women you couldn't have been further from his mind. He wasn't thinking about you. He wasn't thinking about the relationship. He wasn't even thinking about the friendships he would ruin. He was thinking only about himself in the moment.So why in the world would you be trying to move past this with him? You move past it by getting rid of him and moving on. People don't get over cancer despite the tumour. They remove the tumour.
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