A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,So I recently got back on the dating scene and there's this guy a friend of a friend that I've been texting for a while, we both seem keen on each other. I met up with a few weeks ago and ended up kissing him. We then decided to go on a proper date last week, we went out for a few drinks and I feel like we got on well and I asked him what he thought and he agreed. We ended up going back to mine and kissed, he slept in my bed and wanted to go further but I said no (I had just started my period). Anyway it was really nice, we cuddled and talked and he was saying lots of nice things to me like and asked 'when will I see you next?' - I suggested he come to a gig with me next week and he agreed that sounded fun. Anyway the next morning we both had the same train into work, but he wasn't as chatty or close as he was that night, I understand we were both tired so thought it might be that, we went out separate ways and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said see you soon. It's been a couple of days and I hadn't heard from him, so I text him: 'It was fun the other night, when are we going to have another good night out?' Him - 'Yeah it was fun, weve got good talk. Soon x'So I replied 'What about this gig on Tuesday, don't worry if not I'll take someone else. x'. Him - 'Oh yeah course, that sounded fun, count me in x' I replied 'Great, drink before, you can pick as you know the area more than me'. His reply 'Yeah course, I know some great places! What time does the gig start? and What time can you get to London?' I told him that I should be there for 6ish and he replied that he might be later because of work.I know I'm overthinking this, but I'm so confused.... the other night and leading up to our date he seemed keen and now he's cooled off a bit.... I know he was trying to play it cool on our date, but for him to reply to my first text saying we'll meet up again soon'.... what??I'm quite straight forward and don't want to mess around, so I'm tempted to ask him when I see him, how he feels, ask if he likes me or not...What do you think about the whole situation?Thanks xx
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 May 2018):
 I think it's a little too soon to be asking what he thinks of you. You know, texting back and forth is nice but it's NOT a great way to really get to know someone.
So go out (and HOLD OFF on sex for now) after this evening and gig LEAVE it up to him to contact you and to plan the next date. IF he is interested... he will. If he is not sure, he might not.
But DO decline having sex for a while, at least until you feel he is investing as much time and effort into you as you are into him.
It's kind of hard to say if he is interested or not. He might not even know, it's ONLY been one date. And you two don't know each other THAT well.
I'd say go with the flow, tone down your expectations a bit (for now). Being able to chat over text and having had ONE date doesn't mean this will lead to a relationship.
TAKE your time, but at the same time don't waste time on guy who don't seem to put in any effort. No need to "confront" anyone just move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2018): Hi I just want to reiterate not to ask this man how he feels. Men are not like women, they
are generally uncomfortable talking about feelings. Especially if you ask him way too soon!!
Slow down, think about other things, do other things. Men like to do the majority of the chasing and if you hand yourself to him on a plate then they usually become less interested.
I have never asked a man how he feels about me. I have known by his actions. Allow this guy to show you how he feels by not taking the initiative all the time. In fact I never take the initiative because then you can SEE how they feel and you don't have to guess.
Leave it from now on and see if he takes the reins. If he doesn't then you'll know.
And also absolutely agree with the others not to put too much emphasis on texts. He may have been in a rush or a hundred other reasons why he didn't reply with anything concrete. He responded very positively the rest of the time so it sounds as if he likes you.
But play it cooler and slower than being ready to have sex too soon. Then he might lose interest before he gets the chance to know you. You have to give each other a chance to miss each other and an opportunity to fantasise about each other. That builds the tension and excitement that won't be there if you're all over him, asking how he feels.
Be a bit coy, a bit seductive, tease a little and flirt with him. Make it so he is looking forward to seeing you and wondering how you feel! But do not ask him how he feels. He will likely run for the hills!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 May 2018):
 The problem with your approach is it tends to scare people off. You’ve seen him once? From what I can see you’ve described and you’re already after jumping into how you feel about each other.
Obviously nobody wants to be messed around, that goes without saying, but for the majority of guys it’s very easy to spook them by showing too much keenness early on. It’s not about playing games and messing around to try and build feeling, but you shouldn’t be thinking this much, this soon.
How long have you been speaking for? The main thing to monitor is how proactive he is. If he WANTS to see you he will do. HE will message you, HE will make plans. Obviously it’s not always on the guy to do everything, but if he genuinely was interested he wouldn’t leave everything to you if he hadn’t heard from you for a while.
It’s very easy to say ‘yep we had a great time’ when in reality the other person might not have been feeling it so much and they’re looking for an easy get out and they’re trying to phase out contact. Look at his ACTIONS, what he says is irrelevant. Anyone can say yes we will meet soon, but if they don’t put the actions into place to arrange The meet then they’re not worth wasting the time on.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, YOU made the move to suggest the next meet, HE accepted and sounded like he was up for it. In your situation I’d pull back a little and see if he takes the initiative here to put the plans into motion. If he doesnt, I’d take it as he’s not interested and move on.
I understand it’s hard to be laid back in the dating world sometimes but you’ve got to take everything with a pinch of salt. There’s so many messers in the world that you just have to have a go with the flow attitude with. Just entertain their chatter and put some effort it and if they reciprocate, great. If not then that’s another bad match weeded put. Just got to keep at it.
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A
female
reader, CMoon +, writes (12 May 2018):
I think you may be looking a bit too much into it. Most of the time, and this is just my opinion, not everyone will agree - men are pretty straightforward. What he says is what he means - he wants to meet soon.
He seems keen in his last few messages. Have this date at the gig, see how it goes from there. Don't try to analyse a text message too much, go by how he is in person. If you get the vibes he's not that into you on the date then you'll have more of an idea. Just have fun and enjoy - there's no need to ask him how he feels until later down the line. He might get a bit freaked if you start asking him how serious he is by the second date. Just enjoy each other's company and have some fun. Best of luck
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