A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I may be having trouble with jealousy. I've been dating a girl that I'm crazy about for nearly a month, and there's one situation that's bothering me. Prior to being with me, she was "seeing" another guy, but they weren't dating - they apparently never even kissed, they were just sort of together on and off for nearly a year. The problem I've got is that she still hangs out with this guy quite often; once a week, sometimes more. She assures me there's nothing going on, but given the circumstances behind our relationship (she essentially 'dumped' this guy and started dating me), I'm a tad concerned with what's going on. I've told her about my concern, and again, she tells me that they're just friends, and they still only go out to hang out kind of thing. I want to believe her, but I still wish I could tell her to stay away from him because I feel uncomfortable. Is that wrong? Is there anything that I CAN say or do that won't make her mad or offended, but still somehow deal with this other guy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): Okay. There are two different situations here that you are explaining. The first is that they are friends and never kissed. Now this is VERY possible. I have many guy friends who i hang out with one-on-one all of the time and we never have anything romantic going one. (often contrary to popular belief) and if that is the case with her. you getting upset all of the time will ultimately make her "choose" and most likely, she will choose her friend of a year over her boyfriend of one month. or at least that's what i would do. now, if she really is JUST friends with him. ask if you can hang with them too. make sure when you do however, you aren't all over her and making the entire situation uncomfortable. because then she won't want you to come back. and it would be amazing if you could actually try and befriend this guy. (which i know might be hard) but that's a huge turn on if my boyfriend excepts and likes my guy friends. for real. that will put you a step up for sure. and make your relationship less stressed. now, you also said that she "dumped" this other guy for you and that they were "on and off". so that makes me think that they were in a relationship. which is different than what you originally said. so i think you need to find out the truth in that matter first. but if she was in a relationship with this guy you do have reason to be jealous. you need to sit her down and explain why and your insecurities and everything. but respect her feelings as well. she may stick to the "just friends" bit. which, is likely true. i would still try asking to hang with them. if you can tell something more is behind it. you need to really think about this relationship. you can try to work through it or you can say that you don't want to compete for her love and time. (i suggest not making her choose. that's an awful thing to do. i personally would ALWAYS choose my friends. just saying) take a break maybe and tell her to sort out her feelings. she will most likely be really mad and still claim to be just friends.... here's a solid way to tell if she likes him as more though. when you hang with them, if she laughs at almost everything he says, looks him directly in the eyes a lot, touches him alot, and tends to ignore you. if they're just friends she should give you loving attention and him what's left over. now you could also try sitting down with him and talking to him about it. but if you do. DO NOT lose your head and start freaking out. because he will tell her and she'll get really mad and a fight will start. oh and before you do talk to him, make sure you tell her that you are going to so that she doesn't feel like you are going behind her back. it seems like you are just being left out of the loop and have a lot of unanswered questions. you need to find out the details and talk to both members of the party and figure out if it is indeed just a friendship or if there is more. and make sure you tell your girlfriend of your feelings. she needs to know. good luck! i hope i've been of some help!!!
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 Yeah, you can tell her that its unfair to you that she wants to still hang with a guy she was dating for a year. This "he is just a friend" is about as old as dirt for crappy excuses, and no she wont listen because she is still seeing him and you are getting played.Dude,you dont "See" someone for a year and not kiss them, andf no one with a brain would believe otherwise. thats about as dumb a lie as Ive ever heard.Im sorry, but you haven't even been dating for a month. She is not over this guy and I am afraid that if you continue dating her it will only get worse. do yourself a favor and leave her alone to "figure it out" and then promptly find someone else. She isn't worth your time.
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