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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: We were together for 2 years. Wehad our issues, or maybe he did, I don't know. Maybe I did. Apparently I did. Who knows...Anyway, he was jealous. At the beginning, he told me, but it was just mild, once every blue moon, kinda cute jealousy. So I was fine with it.Ok, so he once asked me about my past, but he wasn't really encouraging... he was kind of upset. I knew he'd flip. So I denied about what he asked. But then guilt made me blurt everything. Result? Broken trust.Oh, and judging. He started judging me and analyzing every detail. Getting angry every time he thought about it. However, he didn't leave me. He said we'd get better. Sometimes he'd breakup with me though. Sometimes he'd make me admit I'd been a whore. He'd call me names and make me feel low. But he always promised we'd get better.And for some good time, we were better. However, lately, he'd start to over analyze everything again, and judge me, and just making me feel like crap about myself.But I love him. I love him like crazy. Yet, yesterday, he dumped me.It was ugly, we were so well, lovingly walking down the street, holding hands, saying sweet things to one another, then BAM! We run into my "ex" (we had sort of a relationship but it was only physical). They know each other. I cut contact with him a long time ago. They wave each other.Later, he tells me to f***k off and go home, that he's sick of my sh*t and that I am an ugly sl*t. That finally he can get a hot, loyal girlfriend, because I was a sl*t and to top things off, hideous.These two whole years, telling me how beautiful I was! How sexy I was! And he knows how much I've always suffered from poor body image... and now, I can't help wondering if maybe I'm really ugly...He accused me of fooling him for these two years, that he wasted his precious time with me, he accused me of cheating on him, both emotionally and physically with a number of guys. All of them "exes" or past crushes. Never with some guy I'd met, or a current friend. It was always with guys form my past.Ironically, none of that happened. I was a loyal girlfriend, I tried to be as honest as I could (it was kind of walking on egg shells). I was always there, I never even thought of any other guys, and most of the time I thought about him before me.It's unfair, I love him, I gave him love, and what did I get in return? I always see other people getting away with worse crap and pulling it off, cheaters, etc, and they are forgiven and then they work on their relationships and it works!Now I feel miserable, ugly, fat, wrongly judged. I'm not a whore, all I did was make out with some guys before dating him, sure none of them were serious, some were strangers, but big deal! That doesn't take away the fact that I'm a human and that I'm a lovable person. That doesn't take away the fact that I was mostly a great girlfriend. He knows this, I'm sure he does.Most of the time we did great. Unfortunately for me, he makes me happy. My friends, my family, my hobbies, sure, they make me happy too, but not quite as happy as being with him does. I love him with all my heart, God, he IS my heart.And on top of all this, it's my birthday on Sunday. I don't wanna be all miserable for my birthday. Last year we had such a great time...What can I do to stop this pain, to get over him, to believe in my beauty again? How can I know if I'm beautiful? What do I do if he gets a new girl (more beautiful, too) and I see them? What do I do about our mutual friends? How can I just stop hurting?
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (10 September 2008):
 First of all, you need to take a deep breath and look at your situation from a logical standpoint and not an emotional one.
You have to admit that you are in a verbally abusive relationship which could be more damaging than a physical one. No one has a right to make you feel like crap...unless you let them. Meaning YOU HAVE THE POWER TO STAND UP AND SAY NO!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOUR ABUSE ANY LONGER!
I know it's hard because you LOVE him, but what you love is NOT HIM. It's who he you WANT him to be and the him he showed you when you first dated.
Unfortunately you have to face reality,..the the reality is he is a controlling, manipulative loser.
What is there to love about that?
He is slowly killing all your self esteem and confidence because secretly he is insecure that he will lose you.
So this is his tactic to have control and keep you.
First of all..YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG!
Everybody has Exes..and that does no mean you are a whore.
Don't believe a word that comes from his mouth.
I know you are afraid to break up with him, because he killed your self esteem thinking you can't get another guy to love you.
But you have to be strong..look in the mirror and tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful, caring, loving and WORTHY of a healthy happy relationship.
You are still very young, and if you stay with him, you are heading towards a life of misery. YOUR CHOICE!
Run far, far away from this guy. He is no good.
Btw..not anything you do will change him. He is who he is.
Yes YOU ARE A GREAT GIRLFRIEND..HE KNOWS IT..YOU KNOW IT..now ask yourself..why are you settling for less? When you can have so much more?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): I think it is normal a person felt upset knowing partner's past. That is why we shouldn't ask. What really matter is the time after you start the relationship.You don't nothing wrong. You are being honest by telling him your past. From your telling, you are loyal, always there for him.He doesn't know how to appreciate you. He felt insecure. No matter what it is, he shouldn't abuse you even verbally.From logical thought, we will stay away from partner like him. Love is blind. See what he will do in near future, if he is back to you, it is up to you to decide. Everyone makes mistake. Maybe he deserve your forgiveness? But if it happens again and again, you should move on.From your telling, I see you as a girl with quality being a great girlfriend. Maybe I met less people. I am telling you from my experience. I never meet someone like you. My first girlfriend cheat, the current one, changes her mood every now and then. She is always not there for me.You are so much better compare to them. If he is not the one, get over him. If you don't let go, there won't be a place for the truth one.Best of luck.
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