A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 going on 21 male living Indiana. I have a problem, ive never had a relationship really. I have had 2 girlfriends but they were just toying with me, and all it did was make me feel bad. Im attending a commumity college, and have been for two years. Yet it seems no girls have interest in me at all. Ive seen so many girls flirting with guys, including my friends but they never flirt with me.Im a virgin, and one with a messed up past, my household is a nightmare. Most days i get woke up by my stepfather screaming about stupid crap and he comstantly treats me awful. This has effected my self esteem and the past relationships have as well. Im so dam lonely even though i have friends, and the lonliness and sadness are slowly killing me. It had begun to, in the last few months, effect my work ethic.Normally up until late last year i had a strong work ethic but now i struggle to even study or do assignments. I just feel like whats the point in working, when i hate most jobs, and i have limited time on this earth to be happy. Working seems like im just wasting time and making some higher up ritch while he throws me some scraps. Especially when i have no one to work for, and nothing to look forward to because the first 20 years of my life were bleal, and ive only gof roughly 40 left. And i am not wasting them in a rat race.What can i do to solve my emotional problems, and why do girls seem to dislike me?
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female
reader, Help mate  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Sounds like you have had some bad experiences but that doesn’t mean there is nothing good to look forward to. You have to remember that without the negative it is impossible to appreciate the positive. We all need contrast in our lives to enable us to appreciate the good. There is night so we can appreciate day, sorrow so we can appreciate joy, evil so we can appreciate good.
Your description “ flowers are just a mass of atoms that are reflecting light and our eyes interpret the spectrum of light it did not absorb as yellow” is great; think about what atoms are;
“The phenomena of atomic vibrations reflecting the interaction of micro-particles with each other depend on the deep properties of the medium. The vibrational amplitude and the vibrational spectrum are determined by interatomic bonds” (Taken from Wickepedia)
The vibration bit is important everything in the universe vibrates & like attracts like when you think positive thoughts, positive things are sure to head your way. When you think negative thoughts, negative things are going to be coming at you. You are obviously a very intelligent guy, spend some time looking up the nature of atoms & how the universal law of attraction affects literally everything in the universe. You may then feel that practising positive thinking is worthwhile.
I wish you well
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI cant appreciate many things because i think philisophically about everything by nature. Ive laways liked to analyze and question everything. To me flowers are just a mass of atoms that are reflecting light and our eyes interpret the spectrum of light it did not absorb as yellow. Ive tried giving life a chance for years ive tried to keep a positive stance amongst my jarring thoughts. Tried to at least enjoy my hobbies and the company of my friends. I tried to forget about having a girlfriend and i did for a year or so then my bad luck in life reared its head again. I met a girl who i had been friends with in high school but she came out and said she actually really liked me as a whole. I had liked her for some time as well but never acted on it because everytime i have its always ended awful. We date, things move forward a bit slowly. She is my one escape from my terrible home life aside from my best friend. One day she goes completely nuts on me. I freak out because i have no clue suddenly what made her loose it. My best friene had told her i lied to her about things that never even happend. It all begin to go downhill from here. The girl never seemed capable of trustin me again. By the 2nd month when things were just starting to get serious she dumped me in a very sudden abrupt way. At the time i had no clue what was happening.Then weeks later i found out my bestfriend double crossed me, lied to her to destroy her trust of me, then moved in and was flirting and hitting on my girlfriend. He then dated her and cut all connections with me and villafied me to a ton of people.In the last year i was betrayed by my best friend since middle school right when i was starting to feel happy for once in my life. Ever since ive just felt a hate for.....i guess humanity as a whole. If i could not trust him then who can i trust? Everytime i find some form of happiness someone else destroys it and makes me more and more cynical that life is even worth the trouble. Right now i fear women, nothing good ever comes of them when it comes to me. I barely want to make friends because of several occurences of friends screwing me. Whats the piint of looking at life in a positive light when its misguided to do so logically?
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A
female
reader, Help mate +, writes (23 February 2011):
How sad your letter made me feel you are a young man on the brink of possibly the most exciting time of your life, but instead of looking for opportunities you are already dismissing the rest of your life as worthless. The saying ‘Life is what you make it’ is just so true. If you constantly think & maybe voice negative thoughts; then people (girls) will not seek your company. You need to practice appreciating what is good in your life; I know this will seem very difficult if your home circumstances are far from ideal; but just try & appreciate the small things like noticing how beautiful the sky is or the colour of a vibrant flower, The fact that you do actually have a home to go to, & all the other little things in your life that you are lucky to have. When you start to do this on a regular basis you will find it easier & easier to notice all the good things & you can make an effort to stop focusing on what you don’t like about your life. Try & think of things that make you smile especially when in the company of women a man who smiles is far more appealing than a man who is scowling.
As for the job we all have to start somewhere; look up some stories of the richest men of our times many of them started out with nothing except determination. If you have to work for someone for a while don’t resent them appreciate the fact that they are paying you whilst you are training for your next better paid job. So do the best job you can no matter how menial the task; if you show pride in your work you will be the first on the promotions list. It will also be good training if you want to start your own company. If you don’t want any part in the rat race then think about doing something entirely different go & work in a developing country with a charity. There are opportunities galore but if you are closed off to what’s possible; then they will remain closed to you.
Your problems are your misuse of your imagination; use it wisely & it will be your best friend. Think positive thoughts as often as you can & when you notice you are on a negative spiral stop & think of something good, this takes practice but I promise the better your thoughts the better you will feel; the better you feel the easier it will be to attract a girl & your emotional life will blossom.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, unabletofly  +, writes (23 February 2011):
Dear Friend,
There is a turkish historical book that is before christ order us that '' Turk! shake ur soul and take the control!! ''
My friend please take control of your life.All of us have difficult terms in our lifes.We have to wait to solve problems.For the bad things in ur house and at the treatment of ur family please be calm and wait.One day u will have enough power to change ur house , make a new family etc.
2. If you respect yourself everybody respect you.Please look at to the mirror and say that '' i m very important person.I can do everything.I can manage what i need etc.''Believe yourself.
3. Do not try to find a girl.Just try to be better.I know you are already good man but our aim should be to go upper and upper.try to increase ur knowledge about everything.
If you do not aim to find a girl you can act naturally when u re near a girl.Then u can be sure you will be the one whom girls want.
summarly; the key of everything is TRUSTING YOURSELF AND SELF-CONFIDENCE.
Good luck
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