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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband and I have always been really soppy together. we have been living apart due to his work but saw each other very often. He was due to move to a job nearer to me but was having second thoughts. last week out of the blue he said he was unsure about us. He loves me and likes me but needs his space. He said if he stayed the night he knew he would be happy and stay but something stopped him. He has been in touch and came to see me this week. I know i need to change to be more confident which I have. Two days ago he turned up to see me. we cuddled he said he loved me and thought the world of me we even kissed. He turned up the next day said I looked really good, cuddled me and he went to kiss me on the cheek, this turned into more of a passionate kiss, even his breathing became heavier, then he stopped. He said my new perfume smelt wonderful. My family are quite negative about the situation but I love him and want to keep my marriage going. His parents are also going through a divorce, he has a stressful job and I really regret that I didn't help or listen enough. He has a new friend who is quite negative towards marriage and is offering advice in a manipulative way. How do you give a man space? How can I improve his bond with me instead of his friend? and what can i do so that our marriage stands a chance? If a man kisses you, says your perfume smells wonderful and he loves you surely he must still want you a little bit. Please I really need help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): Marriages can be very difficult, but this one is special, right? By the sound of it, he seems like he still really loves you and wants you. Maybe he's just confused about what he wants. What I would suggest is talking to him about it. Gently bring up the subject of his parents splitting up, and make sure he knows that if there's ever anything he wants to talk about, you're always there for him. That will make him feel like you really love him and like he's really wanted. Ask him if there's anything he's hiding from you, because all you want to do is help.
Why not treat him out to a meal every Saturday, in a nice restaurant where you can both have time alone and build up that bond between you and him, rather than him and his friend. Being in a restaurant would be the perfect chance to tell him how much you love him and how badly you want to save the marriage. He'll be touched.
You also says he needed his space, well, that's easy. Just let himhave space. Ho can I explain this? Right. Imagine you told him you needed your space when you where going through a tough time, it just means that he wants some time alone, like he doesn't want you being too clingy but he still wants you around. If he says something like that you should just tell him that you respect his feelings and whenever he wants to be alone he can just tell you. Be there for him, don't be too keen, treat him. It's not too late to save your marriage yet.
Remember, it can't all be one-sided, if he wants to finish it, even if you don't, then that's it. You can't give your luck to someone who doesn't give it back.
You also say that ou didn't listen to him enough, that's not a good thing, you should apologise to him for that. About your family. Tell them gently but firmly that they chose to marry who they wanted, you should be able to as well. If they don't respect that then that's pretty worrying. But concentrate on your man right now and deal with your family later. Good luck.
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