A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI've been reading the questions and answers posted on dearcupid for quite a while now and great answers have been given! And now I have a problem of my own... this may be long so bear with me.I'm currently going out with a man who is 17 years my senior. In addition to that he's my former teacher. How we got together is not important right? Don't worry we got together after I graduated. :P Anyway, we've been dating for close to 2 years now. However, recently several things have happened that caused our relationship to hit a rocky patch.There was once when he pretended to be another guy who was from my junior college and was interested in me for a joke. Well, it's the first time I got such messages (we were texting) and so I had poor reactions to it. I was quite confused by the guy who I didn't know at all and so I ended up texting the "guy" for a while. When I finally got hold of my boyfriend, he admitted that he played the prank on me and said that it made him realise a lot of things, like how my reaction will be if a real guy comes on strongly to me in real life. This left me quite hurt as I do love him and I didn't know how to respond appropriately to those messages, which resulted in the huge misunderstanding.Then came my prom night. We wanted to meet after my prom, but my classmates wanted to go clubbing. Thus, we made a compromise that I can go clubbing for a while then I'll go meet him. Due to unforeseen circumstances, my class took a very very long time to reach the club and by then it was already about 1am. Needless to say, due to me and my boyfriend's unusual relationship, I was not prepared to say that I was dating an ex-teacher of mine. Thus, I tried other ways and means to get away and meet my boyfriend but unfortunately things happened such that he was angry with me for not replying to his text for half an hour (it was inconvenient for me to do so.)Then, on christmas eve, somehow, and I don't know why, I neglected to get him a christmas present, which I very very regretted. He did not say anything about it that day, and kept reassuring me that it's alright. In contrast, he gave me a watch that we had seen together and he knows that I like it. What was unexpected was the timing at which he gave me. The last thing on my mind was that he would give me the watch on christmas eve as we had said we would either buy it after christmas or when he is going overseas (to buy at the airport). Well, it was the best christmas eve I've had in my whole life, excepting the fact that I didn't get him a christmas present. And now, the most recent drama happened on christmas... my friend had invited me to a christmas gathering at her place, and lunch and dinner will be provided. Since it's christmas, I asked my boyfriend if it would be alright for me to join them. Again, he said that it was alright as he could use the time to prepare for tuition (he's a tuition teacher now). The gathering ended about 10pm and, big mistake on my part, I asked him for a lift since he lived nearby. However, it ended up that one of my friends is able to take the same bus as me. Again, I was unable to tell them about my relationship and so, being not able to find any valid excuse not to take the bus, I had to tell my boyfriend that I'm unable to meet him. At that point, he still said it's fine.When I reached home, I tried calling him but he did not answer the phone. Thinking that he may be busy (he said he'll be going to watch a movie), I did not think much about it. As I was prepared to sleep, I received 3 long messages from him. He said that although he encouraged me to go to the gathering, he wanted to see if I am able to cut it short to go meet him. He can't believe that a christmas gathering can take so long (this left m confused...how long is a normal christmas gathering?). He also mentioned the prank he played on me and said that he did not want to know the cruel way if it happened in real life. Basically, he wanted me to think through our relationship and see if we should end it...He suggested no contact for the rest of this year, for me to think it over. I know that I love him, yet somehow my actions can't seem to express it well. What can I do to prove to him that I love him a lot? Last night, I've thought about our relationship, and decided that it's already past the time when we have to keep the relationship a secret. Since he has just recently told his friend about us (I've met him too), I realised that I should be able to tell my friends about us too. I feel that we have been together long enough to show that we are serious about each other. From what I see, most of the problems stem from the fact that I was afraid to let my friends know about our relationship. Will overcoming that be enough to save our relationship?(sorry that it's so long and thanks for those who took the time to read and answer the question :))
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Well...problem is that some of my friends had been taught by him before...haha. It would make for quite an awkward moment...
But I guess it's the one solution where we can be like a normal couple then. Really much thanks for your input!! :)
A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Ah, yea ok, well hows about.. You give him a call, and arrange to meet somewhere, like a little mini date or something, and just tell him what you want, you wanna carry on like you were, but with all good things not the negative, not so good things, say you're ready to tell people about your relationship, and suggest that he meets your friends? Then hopefully he'll see that your deadly serious about giving it another go, and you're actually taking such a big step to make the relationship better on the both of you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Thanks for your response! Sorry to sound very long-winded in the question... :P
Well, I do think that not letting other people know about us has caused quite a few problems for us. So I'll probably not hide the truth now and hopefully things will be easier. Although I'm also afraid that making our relationship known will cause much social pressure too. Guess there's no easy way out of dating a teacher huh.
But now my more pressing problem is how to get back together with my boyfriend. He said that his love for me hasn't changed, so I guess I take it as a good sign for now. However, what else can I do to apologise to him and show him I'm truly sorry for the hurt that I've caused him?
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (26 December 2008):
It looks like alot of the problems have come from no one knowing about your relationship, so maybe it is time to tell your friends and that? That way, you wont ever really come across those awkward moments when you've had to blow your fella off, when you've been with friends, cos then they'll understand that you do have a commitment to this man which is very important to you. Beleive me, this'll put a hell of a lot less strain on your relationship, and hopefully everything will run alot more smoothly in the future :)
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