A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help ! I have been seeing a great guy for about six months .its not too serious but we get on and see each other about once a week . We go out and he's affectionate holds my hand etc. At the beginning I felt so much for him but as we have seen each other more I can feel myself getting more and more distant . The sex was amazing and I really felt connected to him . Now I feel numb and can't feel anything . I was in a very traumatic relationship before I met him. I feel like I'm shutting down and I hate this because its not me to close down and I feel so so sad about this . What can I do to open up again ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much. Totally agree with you both. I do suffer from low self esteem and always find it difficult to trust . I need to ask myself what do I want and know I deserve to feel safe in a relationship. I feel like the guy I'm seeing although we have a great time is not fully with me hence I shut down cos I'm not letting my heart get broken again.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Maybe it is not about you closing down personally. Maybe it has just got in to a routine now that you both meet up once a week and that's it. It doesn't seem like the relationship is moving forward and maybe deep down you are scared of getting hurt so you are cutting yourself off to protect your feelings. Talk to him and ask him what he wants from the both of you, more importantly ask yourself what you want at the moment. It may be possible you are not ready to be in a relationship at the moment. You need to try and figure out in your head what it is that you want but obviously at the moment this is not what you want.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): "Now I feel numb and can't feel anything . I was in a very traumatic relationship before I met him. I feel like I'm shutting down and I hate this because its not me to close down and I feel so so sad about this "You have taken the first step to getting over the traumatic past, you at least recognize what you are doing "shutting down".Tell him exactly what you have written...this is important. Tell him that it isn't him, that it is because of the past relationship trauma.This happens when we have this history, we shut down when we get involved, because of past trauma, and fear of it happening again.Don't know how traumatic that past was, but you should get professional counseling help to work on this. It will happen again, with any other "great guy" that you meet, after the initial bloom of the relationship if you don't take active measure to prevent it from happening.Good luck.
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