A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, after a long friendship I finally built up the courage to ask a this girl out. We've always had a very flirtatious and hands on relationship so I thought it was the natural step.Apparently not. I asked, I got a on. She didn't want to "risk our friendship." In fact, i'll quote her, "Please please dont because you know i love you but there is no way i would risk losing all that!"So I guess what i'm trying to ask is what is going through her head right now? There must be a few ladies on the forum that have been on the 'rejector' side of this. Is there anything that I could do to change her mind? I blew off another girl just for her, she doesn't know I did it for her but i'm sure it's obvious now. Is it worth telling her? Should I just leave her for a while and then try to pick the friendship back up? In all honesty, I did really want to face her anytime soon, it was embarrassing enough getting the no and I hurt right now.. Really hurt. Sorry for going on a bit, any advice or past experiences would really be nice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Don't take it personally. She does like you otherwise she wouldn't be your friend. She just doesn't feel "that way" about you. do you feel that she gave you mixed signals and hints that she might?you did the right thing of putting yourself out there and telling her of your feelings for her. Don't regret it. If you hadn't done that you never would have know if she did or didn't share your feelings. It's always better to know the truth.If you were good friends up til now, I'm sure you'll continue to be good friends. Just lay low for a while and let some time pass and let this blow over, then dont' behave all weird toward her, just behave like normal and I'll bet she will too and your friendship will pick up where it left off. You didn't lose anything by telling her the truth.
A
male
reader, Advice_man  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 Sorry dude, I agree with all the rest. She is not interested, it's clear 100%. Just make sure you don't offer too much and be mr. nice guy expecting that you will make her change her mind because you will not. Watch out so you won't get hurt even more, keep a little distance from her.Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 October 2011):
 She is not into you that way and she does not want to hurt your feelings.
don't be embarrassed. she likes you just NOT THAT WAY... it hurts and it's off-putting but the truth is you did the right thing taking the risk and finding out. And I'll be she respects you for it too.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 October 2011):
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but almost every time when a girl says this it means she isn't attracted to you. I'm sure she likes you as a person and enjoys your friendship, which is why she doesn't want to be blunt about it. So girls resort to this classic line as a means of "soft rejection". It's still a rejection. She doesn't feel there's the potential for more than friendship, at least right now.What I suggest is that you withdraw from her. If this girl is really someone you want to be with, and it sounds like that is the case from how hurt you are, then you need to make her choose. She can either not have you in her life at all, or give a relationship a chance. Continuing to be her friend will just prolong your agony, as you watch her date other guys and continue to overlook you. Just be aware that if you withdraw, there is no telling which way she will choose to go. She may decide she wants to date you, or she may just move on without you as a friend.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): I m affraid i dont have very good news for you. I was in that position couple of times, and the only reason i would say things like i dont want to ruin our friendship is because i wasnt attracted to a guy.its an unfortunate situation for both of you, as it was for me. Once i had a very good friend for few years. I could never suspected of his desires for me, and we were doing great, until the time when i had to stay in his house for a few days as mine wasnt livable in at that moment.the first night was fine, but then the sacond night he came to my room, saying very strange for me then things, like he always thought i was very pretty. It took me a good half an hour to understand what he means, and thats when i said, please dont i dont want to ruin our friendship.He left, he looked very sad, and i was completely uncomfortable and annoyed with the situation.Then in a morning he said, that he cant have me in a house with him, sleeping next room, as he has feelings for me, and he needs to feel loved. I couldnt believe my ears. He was basically kicking me out, knowing that i cant stay at my house at least for another 3 days.I left of-course, and never saw him again.It was just really unhappy situation for both of us, plus in addition to this i started thinking of him as a complete ass. Sorry, had to tell u the truth.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 I can't say I've been directly in her shoes. I did have a friend who was crushing on me once though, but he never asked me for anything, so there was nothing there to reject... If he had asked I'd have said no though, because I just wasn't attracted to him that way. There needs to be an attraction, an interest beyond friendship.
Don't take it personally, if you can avoid it. I'm sure she thinks you're a great guy and all, or else she wouldn't be your friend. She just doesn't feel that way about you, and you can't force something that isn't there you know. She didn't feel confident that you and her could actually make it.
Give her some time to think, I'm sure she's thinking of this too and how to mend your friendship. But I don't know her. I just think what's best is to do what you feel comes naturally, and if that is to stay away from her then stay away from her. She'll understand why, it's no fun to put your heart out there and get rejected. You'll need your time to get over it.
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