A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:can someone out there help me. I have a bit of an issue.I met a guy off a dating site and we talked for about 3 weeks every night before wemet. I quite liked him and when we met we had an amazing time, we continued to meet over the space of a couple weeks. nothing serious just dating. Things however took a bit of a weird turn, he began having problems with an ex who was a bit crazy, then even stranger, my mom got his number out my phone and called himasking questions, like how he was in general, was he an idiot etc. My mom can be interfering but i sorted the issue out with her and told her to back off.He took it as a joke, but also admitted he was a lil put off by it. I assured him it wouldn't happen again and then we continued as normal. One night , i wasn't doing anything and an old friend who i hadn't seem for years offeredto take me to the pub so i updated my online status saying i was looking forward to the pub.then this guy messaged me while i was out saying to have a good time n hoped id meet someone special, i was like, im at the pub with a mate im not planning to meet anyone.We wernt together anyway, but i still valued our time together enough not to go looking elsewhere anyway and i thought he knew this. so that was odd.Then later that night, he began messaging me again, saying we couldnt date anymore.The whole ex and mom thing was too much for him. he said it was too complicated too soon.I couldnt understand that, i thought we'd sorted it all out. Then he said he knew he would fall for me, and he was stopping himself from doing so, because he knew hed get hurt again. I told him i wasnt out to hurt anyone. then he said it was him , not me, he said hes messed up, and im great.He then said it would be better as friends so i agreed , went into the friend zone.After a week or so, i got annoyed, because i couldnt be friends with him. It was ok telling me he couldnt fall for me, but i knew id fall for him being his friend, so while knowing he didnt want to fall for me, i told him i couldnt be friends with him.I didnt say why, just that , he had a lot of issues and i couldnt deal with that.A few weeks later we regained contact , basic stuff, he wanted to know why i tried tobin him off before, i couldnt tell him it was because i knew id fall for him, so i toldhim it was because i thought thats what he wanted , he did say he didnt want to date me.he didnt reply, and then deleted his online dating account completely.After a few more weeks went by, i signed onto the dating site again, and i always check out whos viewed me and there he was.....hed viewed me today! I sent a messagerandomly wondering why he didnt say hi while he visited my profile, expecting him to maybe tell me why he was still looking at my profile, but he just said he was flying through!? And because i questioned why he didnt say hi, he said what did you expect? romance and a poem?what the hell does that mean? i said no not at all, just a "hi". It got me wondering, so we chatted a lil bit,the usual, how are you, im fine etc.Then he said he had to go, the conversation ended. Now im confused yet again. if he was so adamant that i was so wrong for him, that he couldnt date meAnd that his ex and my mom bothered him that much, then why the hell does he still take timeto talk to me and then outta the blue , view my profile? I just dont get it. and for him to assume i want romance and poems, put so sarcastically!I dont understand, iv never given off the impression i wanted to get romantic with him.I just missed his company. i try to tell him this. i just get it, why would he say thatknowing thats not what i want.i can assure, iv never given that impression. i just wanted to date. I dont get what his problem is , if someone , could tell me why id appreciate it so much.And maybe how i can make this right...i really want to make this right.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): How about the truth? How about telling him the reason you couldn't be just friends with him is because you were sure you would fall for him. Why don't you try asking him on a date? And if he says no, it's time to move on.
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